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My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where the hell I am now…

"No, but I have," replied the nurse. Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco .....................

If Hillary Clinton wins the U.S. presidential election, it will be the first time in history that two U.S. presidents have slept with each other (at least once, we think)!

If Donald Trump wins the U.S. presidential election, it will be the first time in history that a billionaire (again, we think) moves into public housing vacated by a black family.

Is this a great country or what?

Here it is. It didn't post for some reason.

"I really prefer to be called an it."

OK

What an investment opportunity for the Clinton Crime Foundation and gorbal warmists: the turbo encabulator will solve just about any leftist issues.

Cry?

"Slade used this thread, which has NOTHING to do with Trump, to crap on Trump.

Which is what he does."

In a way it's absolutely hilarious,but in reality, like Hillary, the feeble minded should not be laughed at, but prayed for.

"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?

Dan Rather, Katie Couric and an Israeli sergeant were all captured by Hamas terrorists in Gaza. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili."

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Katie Couric said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Couric dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the soldier."

"What?" asked the leader? "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Israeli.

So the leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the ass. The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flack jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the soldier was untying Rather and Couric, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?"

"What?" replied the Israeli, "And have you two report that I was the aggressor? "

The teacher had no sense of humor!

Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle

Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page

Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid

Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage

Q5.. What is the main reason for failure? * exams

Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner

Q7.. What looks like half an apple * The other half

Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become? * Wet

Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping? * No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? * Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? *No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

SEX BY CHAIN LETTER... IT WORKS !!!This REALLY works!!!

I never send chain letters, but this one works.

You will be offered sex by simply passing it on! It's incredible!

Send 'I LOVE HILLARY' to ten friends.

At least 9 will reply telling you to go **** yourself!

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."

The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man: "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

Alaskan Bear .....Mt. McKinley National Park: This is a very sad story about a bear... Everybody should heed the warnings not to feed wildlife because they become dependent and don't forage for themselves any longer. It is such a tragedy to see what has been done to our country's wildlife.

The US Forest Service photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect U.S. wildlife.

Animals that formerly were self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party. They have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance. This photo is of a black bear in Alaska turned Democrat.

He's nicknamed Bearack Obearma. It is believed that he has become a campground organizer.

Remember: "Black Bears Matter!"

"What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all evening."

"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:

"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"

Larger the calibre ...

Caught on camera: ISIS suicide bomber blows himself up in the middle of a press conference of the Islamist rebels

At least 30 Islamists dead, you can hear them crying like babies in the video.