He holds the sum of one million dollars in my name and he wants to send it to me ... free! All I have to do is give him my bank account numbers and send him $500.00 US dollars cash to show my good faith so he can transfer the money!
C: M. Makowski, Pennsylvania -Owner of Best Mulch, Inc. He originally had the Trump sign but after a call, he took a more dramatic approach. pic.twitter.com/mftP3P5nfr
— Deplorable Latina ?? (@NixcyIvette) November 1, 2016
From AOS a recipe for her new favorite drink...recipe provided for PSE(DK)
Hillary's Bitter Tears
18 parts vodka. Any kind of vodka. VODKA! 3 parts Binaca to disguise the vodka smell 4 more parts vodka Pulped Whitewater Billing records a few more parts of vodka in case you were drunk before and miscounted Three drops of BleachBit extract Olives pre-soaked in vodka. Squeeze the vodka out of the olives into the drink, then throw away the olives.
Rub the drink's lip with the dried genetic material of a former US president recovered from a befouled cloth. Then wipe that genetic material off the lip because, eww. Man-stuff.
Pour into a large empty "Energy Drink" can and pretend you're just getting you're caffeine on because all the Millennials will think that's cool or whatever.
Serve chilled with Provigil and an epipen filled with Armour Thyroid.
This Is the Saddest, Least Satisfying Video You Will Ever See
Edit/update: Lex...computers do strange things sometimes. The video you referring to is one I posted on the latest cowboy thread. For some weird reason, when I copied the embed code, it did not copy.
This is the video I meant to post here...
UNSATISFYING from PARALLEL STUDIO on Vimeo.
slade's Link
Like he is Muslim or something......
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you, " the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."
News Reporter: Gives Hillary Supporting Directions To ??????CANADA pic.twitter.com/HFhzYqX25G
— ARnews 1936 (@ARnews1936) November 14, 2016
For all my grammatically correct friends.
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,"This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' "
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and e-mails have long forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
Is everybody clear on that?
"What did it say on the banners?" Trump asks.
Khamenei replies, "United States of Iran."
Trump says, "You know, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Iran..."
"...and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner."
"What did it say on the banners?" Khamenei asks.
Trump replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew.”
gundog's Link
The election is over, the talking is done
Your party lost, my party won
So let us be friends, let arguments pass
I’ll hug my elephant, you kiss your ass!
The people of the town are looking to see his reaction, they aren’t even discreet about it. He looks around at everyone and says loud and clear: “I will walk back into the bar to get myself another drink, and if I don’t see my horse right in front of the bar, I will have to do what I did in Texas a year ago after someone stole my horse. And trust me, I didn’t like what I had to do in Texas a year ago.”
After his confident speech, the man walked back into the bar. The townsfolk looked at each other in fear and got the horse back.
The cowboy finished his second drink and walked out of the bar, saddled the horse, but just before he left the bartender walked up to him and asked. “Hey, cowboy, we know that we got you your horse back, but do you mind telling us what you had to do a year ago in Texas?”
The cowboy looked at him with an iron gaze and responded: “I had to walk home.”
The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too, so I listened as the lady told her story.
“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”
I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.” Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?” Fine, I answered.
I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4-inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!
Complete darkness, the power was off!
Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.
“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”
Before I could shout NOOOO! she disappeared.
And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men Extraordinaire” found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging a polite, ‘Hi, how’s it going’ type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”
“OK, you take care now,” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.
Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh, I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?”
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, “Case Dismissed!”
Edit/update: Thinking about this cartoon, I think that a real version could easily become a very very popular show on one of the lettered networks. Heck, if the CF forum could be put into game format, josh would clean up!
