Military has to push the Jeep carrying Castro’s ashes after they break down. The evidence of Castro’s failure shows even after his death.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
Love the Dad's reply!
"Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
A large earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit
the Middle East.
Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq, Iran and Syria were totally ruined and the governments asked for
help to rebuild.
The rest of the world was in shock.
Great Britain sent troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia sent oil and monetary assistance.
Latin American countries sent clothing.
New Zealand and Australia sent sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries sent labor to assist in rebuilding the
infrastructure.
Canada sent medical teams and supplies.
The new American President, Donald Trump, not to be outdone, sent
two million replacement Muslims.
God Bless President Trump!
I will be out of the office and unavailable for the next 10 days. I am donating my time to the major airlines in LA to help load the luggage of all the celebrities who promised to leave the country if Trump won!
I have also volunteered some time to work with the college students that are ‘hurting so badly’ over the great Trump victory that they cannot attend classes! I am taking donations for crayons for these future leaders to let them learn how to connect the dots in their “fantasy life” coloring books!
As posted on Facebook, note: “Democrats took an early lead which dramatically changed later in the afternoon once Republicans got off work & went to vote!"
While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"
"Good question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
... "Ah, yes," replied the executive, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all executive. "Well, What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the executive. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.
Anony Mouse's Link
Petition at White House website to name next major U.S. Navy ship ‘USS Deplorables’ (link)
The Umbrella - A Touching Story...
On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so a naive, ignorant, self centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country, and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your ass and open it."
God Bless America!
This is SO much funnier when you substitute the correct word for "bleeping"...
After the first round of votes were counted, Hillary and Donald were deadlocked. Instead of going through a recount, they agreed to a week-long ice fishing contest to settle the election. Whoever caught the most fish at the end of the week would be the President.
They decided that a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin would be the ideal place. No observers on the fishing grounds, but both would need to have their catches verified and counted each night at 5 PM.
After Day 1, Trump returned with a total of 10 fish, Hillary came back with nothing.
Day 2 finished, and Trump caught another 20 fish, but Hillary once again came back with nothing.
That night, Hillary and her cronies got together and accused Trump of being a “low-life, cheating’ son-of-a-gun.” Instead of fishing on Day 3, they were going to follow and to spy on him and figure out how he was cheating.
Day 3 finished up and Trump had an incredible day, adding 50 fish to his total!
That night, Hillary and her democratic cohorts got together for the full report on how Donald was cheating. Hillary stood up to give her report and said, “You are not going to believe this... he’s cutting holes in the ice!”
And this story tells you all you need to know about the difference between a successful businessman and a career government politician.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat. "Well," she said, "that may be OK in California, Washington and Colorado, but we're not having any of that crap here in Texas.
I saw mommy pee on Santa Clause
Underneath the Christmas tree last night
He didn't see her creep
Up the tree to take a leak
He only felt the moisture
As it dripped down on his cheek.
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone.
He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!"
The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone.
"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic. Remain calm!"
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that's good, remain calm. How do you know you're traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it's heavily overcast. So how do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft: "The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar!"
A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.
The couple produced photos of their 45-foot motor home, which was clean, well maintained and equipped with a beautiful bedroom for the child.
The social workers raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
“We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills.”
The social workers expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
“Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet. In addition, there are 17
other children who travel with their circus parents.” The social workers were finally satisfied. They asked, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
“It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits into the cannon!”
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no. I got out of prison."
