We always hear about "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note: These are all numbered "1" on purpose!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You do not hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday equals sports. It is like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is not a sport -- and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Look to your girlfriends for a sympathetic ear.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
1. If you will not dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, do not expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done -- not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions. Neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question to which you do not want an answer, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine -- really.
1. Do not ask us about what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really do not mind that? It is like camping.
About twice a year I hand my credit card to the Wife, with coupons to DSW Shoe Store. . .
Better than diamonds. LOL !
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and yes, I need all the points I can get. It makes up for hunting season deductions !!
