If you're afraid of a Chick-Fil-A, you're too wimpy to live.
By Suzanne BakerContact Reporter Naperville Sun
Annika Socolofsky understands the pressure to achieve expressed in a Naperville student petition being circulated online.
A 2008 graduate of Naperville North High School, Socolofsky said in her senior year she stepped away from orchestra where she played the violin to make room for AP calculus in her class schedule.
"It was the worst semester of my life," said Socolofsky, who turned to composing music to ease the stress.
At one point in the first semester, Socolofsky said her calculus teacher pulled her aside because her grade fell from an A to a B. She told her teacher she needed to deprioritize math to make room for her newfound love.
"The stress culture really beats you down," she said. "It was a huge relief to leave high school to head off to college."
The 1,437-word essay that accompanies the "Naperville North Pressure Culture Must Change" petition circulated last week on Change.org suggests recent deaths and drug use by students in Naperville are the result of kids being pressured to be perfect. While at least two student deaths have been suspected suicides, a connection to academic pressure has not been established.
The essay author notes students often are pushed to take college-prep and Advance Placement courses and participate in multiple extracurricular activities in leadership roles to improve their chances of getting into the best colleges.
Naperville North seems to be an environment that is highly competitive. Perfection is pervasive.
— Naperville resident Silvia Kanney The petition challenges administrators to redefine success and, "Start teaching us to make our own paths, and start guiding us along the way."
Naperville School District 203 officials are taking the petition under advisement, said Michelle Fregoso, the district's director of communications.
"We are aware of the change.org petition and are reviewing many of the comments and suggestions," Fregoso said Thursday. "Our student and Naperville 203 community feedback is important. By sharing their opinions, they are raising awareness of mental health. We will continue to look for ways to engage our students and community on this important issue."
Socolofsky said the need to go to a good school and get a high-paying job is perpetuated by students, just as much as it is by parents and the school.
"Naperville North is highly science- and engineering-oriented. You're viewed as something less if you don't want to become a doctor, an engineer or lawyer," she said.
She followed her passion and graduated from Carnegie Mellon University with a music degree, falling one course short of a chemistry major for a fallback career. Now she is working on her doctorate in music composition at Princeton.
The petition is striking a chord in the community, as it should, said Adam Russo, a licensed clinical social worker and CEO of Edgewood Clinical Services in Naperville.
Russo frequently speaks to parent groups and the staff of Naperville and other suburban schools about teaching children how to fail. He maintains children can't be winners all the time.
"You aren't going to know how to deal with failure if you've never been taught that," Russo said.
"Yet we subscribe to a system that says no one can feel anxious; you need to be happy all the time," Russo said. "But what happens later in life when you lose your job and can't pay your mortgage? You won't know how to cope."
The petition, which had gathered support from more than 1,200 people by late Friday, is proof today's youth have no foundation for adversity, Russo said.
"The kids feel like they've been wronged" when the reality is that they just don't know how to deal with hardships.
Russo said the irony is that the outcry from the petition will cause parents and Naperville School District 203 to hold meetings to try to fix the problem, thus validating the student view.
"Kids can't handle anxiety, and parents can't either," he said.
Naperville resident Silvia Kanney said she signed the petition because she's seen how the push for achievement at Naperville North has affected both her daughters, one who is a freshman and the other who graduated two years ago.
"Naperville North seems to be an environment that is highly competitive. Perfection is pervasive," Kanney said.
She said students are depressed because they are living in fear of not attaining their goal. Once they attain it, they fear falling off the pedestal.
"If you're not declaring what college you'll attend by junior year, you're viewed as a loser. If that default is (the College of DuPage), then that's just as bad," she said.
Kanney said students have little weekend downtime even at church because they feel obligated to become team leaders in their youth group.
The mother said she tells her children to do what makes them happy, even if it means getting a lower grade or not attending the best school.
"I would like to see them be well-rounded kids," Kanney said.
Russo urges more parents to take a similar approach, but getting out the message isn't easy.
Often when he speaks about teaching student resiliency, he said he's "speaking to the choir."
While Naperville School District 203 is instituting a new social and emotion curriculum at all levels, Russo, who helped draft the piece, said the only way it will work is to have all parents actively participate.
"If we are going to do social and emotion learning, we need parents to understand there are real consequences," he said.
He proposes requiring all parents to attend a two-hour session. To get parents to attend, he suggests it be tied to a student's assignment grade. "It will never happen, though," Russo said.
Naperville mother Laura Hirsch said one of the reasons she homeschools her children is because of the pressure to score well on achievement tests, even at the elementary level.
"It's not the sole reason. I just feel like there's more and more pressure, and I don't feel it's appropriate for children at any age level," Hirsch said. "It seems like (Naperville schools) are really grade-obsessed."
Hirsch said she fears her oldest child, who will attend junior high school in the fall, will get caught up in the pressure. "I just wonder what it will be like when my kids get to high school," she said.
"Failure is OK; that's where you learn," Hirsch said. "My mantra is C's get degrees."
Russo said evidence shows no correlation between high achievement and success in life, though adults often think there is only one path to success: the best colleges and careers that make money.
"The problem is that there are only so many seats on that train, and everyone believes they have to be on that train," he said.