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Hillary Rodham Clinton.

(The first book with both the question and the answer on the cover.)

Think you could attach a joke somehow to that scene? I thought this was a joke/funnies thread.

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

Ya gotta drop the bomb twice before she finally gets the message!

Bad enough rap ?????, no such thing. That's a picture of a Pit that has just killed its owner.

I believe it was in a dog fight as well. Cruelty at it's worst.

You're missing the whiskey keg!!

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband,” she said. She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud: "Bob, do we still have that Intercourse?"

There was a complete hush and a few smirks.

Bob answered impatiently, "Damn it Helen! If I told you once I've told you a hundred times...What we have is Blue Cross!"

Scar.

Moving along...

I've oft stated that real humor has its roots in reality and there is always a kernel of truth that creates the humor.

Example: here's a news story about the Climate Pope, Al Gore in the pulpit who is slapped in the face with a bit of reality. This is truly a funny (and true) tale.

Commercial Crabber Of 50 Years Tells Gore Sea Level Hasn’t Changed Since At Least 1970

Al Gore was challenged on climate science Tuesday night when the mayor of Tangier Island, a community threatened by coastal erosion, told the environmentalist film producer he hadn’t seen the sea level change since he began his first career as a commercial crabber in 1970.

Gore was taking questions from the audience at a CNN town hall with Anderson Cooper when the fisherman and Tangier Island mayor James Eskridge refuted Gore’s assertion that rising sea levels were endangering coastal communities.

“I’m a commercial crabber and I’ve been working the Chesapeake Bay for 50+ years. I have a crab house business out on the water and the water level is the same as it was when the place was built in 1970,” Eskridge said. “I’m not a scientist, but I am a keen observer and if sea level rises are occurring, why am I not seeing signs of it?”

Eskridge went on to say that erosion was slowly eating away at the island, but it was a natural force caused by “wave action [and] storms.”

“Have [the storms] increased any?” Gore asked.

“Not really,” Tangier’s mayor responded.

Tangier Island has lost 66 percent of its land to erosion since 1850. Eskridge has asked the Trump administration for help building a sea wall to stop the island from disappearing, CBS News reports.

No, I'm not done yet.

Sorry to derail this thread, poking fun of LWL animal lovers who want to save all the animals and pro pit believers who never blame the pit when a human life is taken. Again sorry for the derailment.

I Googled pitbull kills owner, second batter up.

"Dog Who Killed Owner Had Attacked Before.

City animal control officers had seized the pit bull earlier this year that was involved in a fatal attack on its owner early Friday, but returned the dog because they “did not feel the dog was a threat to the public,” according to a statement from officials Sunday.

After the previous attack, the dog owner who died Friday, 56-year-old Terry Douglass, “was adamant in getting the dog back, so after vaccinating it for rabies, we returned the dog after the quarantine period was up,” said the statement from the Baltimore City Health Department, which oversees animal control.

Animal control officials said the incident in April occurred after food was dropped on the floor. A nephew of Douglass’ went to pick it up and was bit, and Douglass was bit when she tried to intervene.

There was no dangerous/vicious dog hearing conducted. According to policy, such hearings are scheduled only when investigators find certain circumstances such as a bite history, the animal appears aggressive or the animal is considered a danger to the public.

Officials said they do not have special rules for pit bulls, noting that any breed has potential to ........."

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide replied, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy. "Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.

"But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other"

"This I gotta see," replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind."

By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "I'm going to grant you entry. Have a safe trip back to Chicago."

"Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago?

"The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."

It was a joke, get over it...

In the proregressive world, the intention is far more important than the results.

I was sitting at a long stop light yesterday, thinking about what I would do to keep busy during retirement, minding my own business and patiently waiting for the light to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.

An old Nissan full of bearded, young, loud Islamic extremists shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, "Allahu Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler truck came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man?...that could have been me!"

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

"Don't be ridiculous," she replied. "I don't care who left it to you."

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden,God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going ?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem..

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes.  They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know.  I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right.  I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

' Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation ?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off.  The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull.  All the animals have a mate except me.  I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right  How could I have overlooked this ? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.  Let's see...where did I put that useless boob ?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib story ?

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about suppositories and medicine for impotence?" Pharmacist: "You bet!" Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?" Pharmacist: "We sure do." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "Adult diapers?" Pharmacist: "Sure, how can I help you? Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.

God had just made Adam and put him in the Garden Of Eden. He'd check in on Adam once a day to see how things were going and to work out any glitches.

After the first day, Adam noticed that his male member would sometimes have a mind of it's own and "stand at attention". This puzzled Adam because as far as he could figure the purpose of the appendage was to relieve the bladder. So that day when God checked in on him and asked him how things were going, Adam said......

"Well most all is fine, but sometimes this thing stands tall and it makes it very difficult to pee and it get's in the way. What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Hmmm," God said. "That wasn't accounted for. Let me think on it and I'll get back to you."

Later that day God called again on Adam.......

"Adam! I came up with a solution to your problem. But there's good news and bad news.

"Well give me the good news first." , asked Adam.

"OK Adam", here goes. You are going to LOVE what I came up. I found a place for you to put that, and it's wonderful. It will be SO good that you will want to put it there all day, every day!"

"Well that sounds great!", Adam exclaimed. 'What the bad news then?"

God replied........"I put a woman in charge of it."

@GovMikeHuckabee

@POTUS has dispatched Maxine Waters to NOKO to talk to Lil Kim. After 1/2 hour with her he will drink whatever he gave to his 1/2 brother.

An old timer is talking to a young man in a bar in Scotland.

"Laddy, look oot there ta the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. Piled it for months. But do they call me McGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..."

Then the old man gestures at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do they call me McGregor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."

Then he points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..."

He looks around nervously and mutters under his breath, "But ya **** one lousy sheep... "

A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

.

1.

Apathy, Apathy That's our cry, ...Oh, the hell with it!

This 22-year-old stole a vehicle and was being followed by the OCSO's intrepid Auto Theft Unit. Rosado parked the stolen car at Harbor Freight on Osceola Parkway in Kissimmee, and bought a welder's mask to safely view the solar eclipse.

As Rosado was standing in the parking lot next to the stolen car, with the welding helmet on and looking up at the eclipse, deputies swooped in and made an arrest.

He never saw it coming.

That only happens every 99 years.

.

During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"

A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place -- the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.

"Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"

"Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"

Why? So that his favorite NFL team could “let him down one last time.”

Jeffrey Riegel, of Port Republic, New Jersey, passed away last week at the age of 56 after a battle with cancer.

“God gave Jeffrey the miracle of time to prepare which allowed him to verbalize his last wishes,” Riegel’s obituary reads. “He requested to have eight Philadelphia Eagles as pall bearers so the Eagles can let him down one last time.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly afterward, a story in the LA Times read, "California archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."

One week later, a local newspaper in Green Bay, Wisconsin reported: "After digging 30 feet deep into his pasture near Sobieski, Wisconsin, Ole Olson, a heck of an engineer and self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing.

Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Wisconsin had already gone wireless "

"Hey, I thought of a riddle while watching the news this weekend, and it goes like this: How is a floating fire ant colony similar to a group of rioting antifa thugs? Give up? Anybody? OK, here's the answer: both groups of nasty pestiferous insects may be rendered harmless by hosing them down with a flame thrower. HA HA HA HA HA HA! I crack me up."

Looking over her carefully, Joe replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Joe interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."