Carbon Express Arrows
September Funnies
Community
Contributors to this thread:
Shuteye 01-Sep-17
Seapig@work 01-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 01-Sep-17
Shuteye 02-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 02-Sep-17
Shuteye 02-Sep-17
Shuteye 02-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 03-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 03-Sep-17
trublucolo 03-Sep-17
Woods Walker 03-Sep-17
Shuteye 04-Sep-17
Shuteye 04-Sep-17
Woods Walker 04-Sep-17
Salagi 04-Sep-17
HA/KS 05-Sep-17
Whitey 05-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 05-Sep-17
HA/KS 06-Sep-17
HA/KS 06-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 06-Sep-17
Woods Walker 06-Sep-17
Thumper 07-Sep-17
HA/KS 07-Sep-17
Whitey 07-Sep-17
Woods Walker 07-Sep-17
Thumper 07-Sep-17
TD 07-Sep-17
HA/KS 07-Sep-17
HA/KS 07-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 07-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 07-Sep-17
HA/KS 07-Sep-17
Spike Bull 08-Sep-17
Spike Bull 08-Sep-17
Spike Bull 08-Sep-17
Spike Bull 08-Sep-17
HA/KS 08-Sep-17
Rhody 08-Sep-17
HA/KS 08-Sep-17
HA/KS 08-Sep-17
Shuteye 08-Sep-17
HA/KS 08-Sep-17
HA/KS 08-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 09-Sep-17
Shuteye 10-Sep-17
Woods Walker 10-Sep-17
bigswivle 10-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 11-Sep-17
TD 12-Sep-17
HA/KS 13-Sep-17
Shuteye 13-Sep-17
Shuteye 13-Sep-17
slade 13-Sep-17
Woods Walker 13-Sep-17
Spike Bull 13-Sep-17
HA/KS 14-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 14-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 14-Sep-17
Woods Walker 14-Sep-17
HA/KS 15-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 15-Sep-17
Shuteye 15-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 15-Sep-17
HA/KS 15-Sep-17
HA/KS 17-Sep-17
HA/KS 17-Sep-17
Woods Walker 17-Sep-17
HA/KS 17-Sep-17
Woods Walker 17-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 17-Sep-17
HA/KS 17-Sep-17
HA/KS 17-Sep-17
Tiger-Eye 18-Sep-17
Thumper 18-Sep-17
HA/KS 18-Sep-17
HA/KS 18-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 18-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 18-Sep-17
HA/KS 19-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 19-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 19-Sep-17
Woods Walker 19-Sep-17
TD 20-Sep-17
Scar Finga 20-Sep-17
TD 20-Sep-17
Shuteye 21-Sep-17
Woods Walker 21-Sep-17
HA/KS 22-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 22-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 23-Sep-17
HA/KS 23-Sep-17
HA/KS 23-Sep-17
HA/KS 23-Sep-17
HA/KS 24-Sep-17
HA/KS 24-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 24-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 24-Sep-17
Salagi 24-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 25-Sep-17
bigswivle 25-Sep-17
Shuteye 25-Sep-17
Woods Walker 25-Sep-17
Shuteye 27-Sep-17
Shuteye 27-Sep-17
Salagi 27-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 27-Sep-17
Woods Walker 27-Sep-17
Anony Mouse 27-Sep-17
HA/KS 29-Sep-17
From: Shuteye
01-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Seapig@work
01-Sep-17

Seapig@work's embedded Photo
Seapig@work's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
01-Sep-17
Real world humor: SNOPES jumps the shark (again):

SNOPEFLAKES: Snopes Now Fact-Checking Satirical Sites

Next up: the partisan hacks at Snopes fact-check The Onion.

Mary Katharine Ham ? @mkhammer

Snopes is fact-checking Babylon Bee. Everything is so stupid. http://www.snopes.com/osteen-yacht-houston-book-hurricane/ …

Joel Osteen Sails Luxury Yacht Through Flooded Houston to Pass out Copies of His Book? A Christian satire site's claim about the popular televangelist using a luxury yacht to promote "Your Best Life Now" in Hurricane Harvey's aftermath was mistaken for real news.

From: Shuteye
02-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
02-Sep-17

From: Shuteye
02-Sep-17
Dang Mouse, I'm glad to know that since I drink my coffee black. Also extra strong.

From: Shuteye
02-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
03-Sep-17

From: Anony Mouse
03-Sep-17

From: trublucolo
03-Sep-17
The irony of the sentiment in that last one Jack is priceless. When will our muslim supporting bowlibs start protesting the black shrouds? ;-)

From: Woods Walker
03-Sep-17
Not to mention that Islam and muslims are the only people in the world now who practice slavery.

From: Shuteye
04-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
04-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
04-Sep-17

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

From: Salagi
04-Sep-17

Salagi's embedded Photo
Salagi's embedded Photo
I was in Tulsa OK today when I needed to use the facilities at the store where my wife was shopping. The toilet rolls were both empty but 2 new rolls were handy. I decided to help them out in the interest of public service and installed both rolls. ;) Oh, and in order to switch them out, the tubes have to be ripped off to reach the release.

From: HA/KS
05-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Whitey
05-Sep-17
From: freeglee 05-Sep-17Private Reply Again totally Avoidable if not for the mostly White Nationalist Deniers who keep us from Global Progress in Climate stabilization efforts!! Sickening!!!

From: Anony Mouse
05-Sep-17

From: HA/KS
06-Sep-17
"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith!

He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.

They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Merry Christmas Buddy!"

From: HA/KS
06-Sep-17
God: "Whew! I just created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth." .

Angel: "What are you going to do now?"

God: "Call it a day."

From: Anony Mouse
06-Sep-17

From: Woods Walker
06-Sep-17

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

From: Thumper
07-Sep-17

Thumper's embedded Photo
Thumper's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
07-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Whitey
07-Sep-17

Whitey's embedded Photo
Whitey's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
07-Sep-17
Three Old Men.......

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

The 70 year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

The 80 year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The 90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap like a cow."

So what's your problem?" ask the others.

"I don't wake up until nine!"

From: Thumper
07-Sep-17

Thumper's embedded Photo
Thumper's embedded Photo

From: TD
07-Sep-17

TD's embedded Photo
TD's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
07-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo
How to tell if it is a Cat-5

From: HA/KS
07-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
07-Sep-17

From: Anony Mouse
07-Sep-17

From: HA/KS
07-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

08-Sep-17
Two Texas farmers, Joe and Jim Bob are sitting at their favorite bar drinking beer.

Joe turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."

Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Joe goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Joe says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking because you own a weed eater I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Joe shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?"

Joe says, "Well, I'll give ya an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer."

08-Sep-17
A fleeing ISIS terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties. The ISIS terrorist asked, "Do you have water? The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment- I spit on your ties. I need water! "Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5." "Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!" "Okay," said the little old Jewish man, it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need...Go In Peace! Cursing him again, the desperate ISIS staggered away over the hill. Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, "They won't let me in without a tie!

08-Sep-17
HOLY PROSTITUTES

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign Out of the corner of his eye... It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs may be for real and drives past a third sign saying

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign Next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell.

The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.'

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.

The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.

This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden Door at the end of the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

08-Sep-17
"These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ______________________________ _ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________ ______ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ______________________________ ______ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ______________________________ _______ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. ______________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ______________________________ ______ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ. ______________________________ ___________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _____________________________ _ ___________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid. ______________________________ ___________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________ ___________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ______________________________ ___________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. ______________________________ _______ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. ______________________________ ___________ ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________ ___________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ______________________________ ________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and Practicing law!"

From: HA/KS
08-Sep-17

From: Rhody
08-Sep-17
Classic Bob

From: HA/KS
08-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
08-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
08-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
08-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
08-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
09-Sep-17

From: Shuteye
10-Sep-17
Mouse, now that is funny.

From: Woods Walker
10-Sep-17
They remind me of people who just CANNOT find their way without a GPS. I'm 65 and I've used a "GPS" (God's Positioning System) since I started going into the woods by myself. It's called the SUN in the day and STARS at night. The best part if that is that there's no batteries or microchips involved, it works, even I can't lose/forget/break it, and it's FREE!!!!!!

From: bigswivle
10-Sep-17

bigswivle's embedded Photo
bigswivle's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
11-Sep-17
Coexist ;o)

From: TD
12-Sep-17
When I was young, I thought maybe I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked us to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today.

The rest of us are sending jokes via email.

From: HA/KS
13-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
13-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
13-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: slade
13-Sep-17

From: Woods Walker
13-Sep-17
I think she's stoned......and/or brain dead.

13-Sep-17
Hammered!

From: HA/KS
14-Sep-17
A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church.

The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son a dime to drop in the offering plate as it was passed.

As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key."

Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime."

From: Anony Mouse
14-Sep-17

From: Anony Mouse
14-Sep-17

From: Woods Walker
14-Sep-17
Is that Mitch's "do nothing" face?

From: HA/KS
15-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
15-Sep-17

From: Shuteye
15-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
15-Sep-17

From: HA/KS
15-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
17-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
17-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
17-Sep-17
'OLD' IS WHEN....

Your sweetie says 'Let's go upstairs and make love' And you answer: 'Pick one, I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you On your new alligator shoes And you're barefoot!

'OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy ... And your pacemaker opens the garage door!

'OLD' IS WHEN.... ?????????????????????????????? ????????????????

'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down By the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car .. In the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up To use the bathroom.

AND 'OLD' IS WHEN..... You're not sure these are jokes!

From: HA/KS
17-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
17-Sep-17
Why does Irish chili only have 239 beans?

Because one more would make it "too-farty"............

From: Anony Mouse
17-Sep-17

From: HA/KS
17-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
17-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Tiger-Eye
18-Sep-17
Old is when you wake up stiff and sore everywhere except where you should be.

From: Thumper
18-Sep-17

Thumper's embedded Photo
Thumper's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
18-Sep-17
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season.

Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer.

No one raised a hand.

Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."

One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."

From: HA/KS
18-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
18-Sep-17

From: Anony Mouse
18-Sep-17

From: HA/KS
19-Sep-17
***NEWS ALERT***

If you recently purchased Meth in NEBRASKA, IOWA, KANSAS or MISSOURI, it may be contaminated with the Zika virus! Please contact your local Police Department or Sheriff's Office so they can conduct a "Free" screening test on your Meth to make sure it is not contaminated.

Please share this "NEWS ALERT" in your area!

From: Anony Mouse
19-Sep-17

From: Anony Mouse
19-Sep-17

From: Woods Walker
19-Sep-17

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

From: TD
20-Sep-17
LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

From: Scar Finga
20-Sep-17
The Little Rascals were having a spelling contest. Mr. Crabtree asked who could spell the word dictate.

Spanky tried with D-i-k-t-a-t-e... Wrong

Alfalfa tried with D-i-c-t-a-i-t... Wrong

Buckwheat said I can, and spelled it D-i-c-t-a-t-e... Correct!!! Mr. Crabtree then asked him to use it in a sentence, so Buckwheat says...

Hey Darla, How'd my dic tate last night...

From: TD
20-Sep-17

TD's embedded Photo
TD's embedded Photo
Once again discrimination rears its ugly head

Will it never end?

From: Shuteye
21-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
21-Sep-17

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo
The Democrat's version of "IT".....and FAR more terrifying than Pennywise!!!!!

From: HA/KS
22-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
22-Sep-17

From: Anony Mouse
23-Sep-17

From: HA/KS
23-Sep-17
Mouse, that last one was just

From: HA/KS
23-Sep-17
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy."

Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and granddad says again in a very controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five short minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little brat's name is Kevin."

From: HA/KS
23-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
24-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
24-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
24-Sep-17
Understanding atheist and his multiple fake registrations...home life.

From: Anony Mouse
24-Sep-17
This is a demonstration of how synaptic dysfunction occurs in the real world. We have seen it with lower viewership (revenues) when one treats the mainstream "despicable" voter who has rejected the proregressive view of this country.

From: Salagi
24-Sep-17
The old man's wife kept fussing at him to fix the outhouse so he went out there and nailed down a few loose boards and then went back in the house and laid down.

"That's not good enough," she said, "I want that outhouse fixed!"

Back he went and slapped a little paint on it, patched the hole in the tin roof and went back and laid down again.

"I said fix that outhouse and fix it right!" she yelled, "If you know what's good for you you won't come back in until it's plumb done!"

So back he went and tightened up every loose nail he could find, caulked the cracks in the side and even stuck his head in the hole and looked around. While he had his head stuck in that hole, his wife slipped up behind him and goosed him. He jumped up and some of his chin whiskers caught in a crack in the front board and pulled out. "Dadgum it that hurt!" he hollered.

His wife calmly replied, "Now you know what I'm talking about."

From: Anony Mouse
25-Sep-17
“De goats. Where de goats?”

From: bigswivle
25-Sep-17

bigswivle's embedded Photo
Remember when the president didn't care if you took a knee
bigswivle's embedded Photo
Remember when the president didn't care if you took a knee

From: Shuteye
25-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
25-Sep-17
bigswivle: Now THAT is funny!!!!

From: Shuteye
27-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
27-Sep-17

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Salagi
27-Sep-17
Dallas, TX (AP) -A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

From: Anony Mouse
27-Sep-17

From: Woods Walker
27-Sep-17
Or Latifa!

From: Anony Mouse
27-Sep-17
From IOTWReport this morning:

Pay To Pee

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.

One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer.”

“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?’ So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!’

“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?

“Not everybody pays!”

From: HA/KS
29-Sep-17

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

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