Your heart is in the right place. You've shown you're there if needed.
That's our family.
Whatever your disagreements with your family are, Pope, bury the hatchet and forgive. When your family member is dead and buried any guilt in your heart remain with you forever and you will wish you had come to peace with them prior to their death.
Families are important, don't throw yours away.
Just be there to help your parents any way you can. Don't worry about any power of attorney or anything like that. Your rewards will be infinitely greater than anything money can buy!
A 30-year-old man court-ordered to vacate his parents' home on Tuesday said he should be given more time to leave because of how much his parents "harassed" him about moving out.
Michael Rotondo, of Camillus, New York, had been living rent-free in his parents' Syracuse-area home for eight years when a State Supreme Court judge ruled on Tuesday in his parents’ favor, ordering him to move out.
As my mother in law often said, "it's just things." I'm as sentimental about family things as you will find. Things that mean nothing to anyone else often hold memories dear to me. I have a brother and a sister, both older than me. My parents are 91 and 87 so it won't be long before we have to deal with things. Some things my folks have already earmarked for kids/grandkids/greatgrandkids either by putting their name on the item or outright giving it to the person. Other things will be up for grabs so to speak. I have made up my mind that no matter what, I will put family first and remember what my mother in law said. There is nothing worth losing family over.
As far as helping, parents will always say, "No." You just show up for lunch and find your way to the ladder to clean the gutters or figure some other acceptable way to lend a hand. But don't do it with an attitude. Go at it with a pure heart.
How was the POA screwing you? Will your brother steal from your parents? Will your brother use their money for himself and not for them? Did you want the job of being POA (as Pig points out, it can be a full-time job)?
It is hard to tell on the internet from the 2 meaningful posts that you put out, but it could be the same situation as me and my brother. If he comes back at some point and complains about me being POA, he will get an earful about hearing from him the last 30 years ONLY when he needs money. I still love him, but I don't have to like him.
Like others have mentioned, if your brother has bad intentions and is taking advantage of your parents, you have a valid concern. If your feelings were hurt or you are already counting your inheritance, it is time to re-evaluate your concern.
I don't know the details of your situation, but my advise is to give them a hug and let them know you support their decisions. If your brother is doing something shady to them, handling it with him may be appropriate but if its simply a case of them deciding they want him to handle their affairs, supporting it may be the best option. I can't even put a price on what it would be worth to have one more hunt with my Dad or a few days to let my mother see how her grandkids have grown.
Look, the POA decision is tough for aging parents much like choosing God parents is for newly minted moms and dads. Folks have to choose ONE option and that leaves a lot of quality people feeling "judged lacking" in some way. We all know that is often wholly untrue so a grown person should have the mental and emotional maturity to receive such information and, further, to extend grace in cases where it may have been mishandled.
Bowsite Pro-Tip - Don't come here looking for rank validation. We suck at it.
Johnny Cash, from "Me and Frankie"
Lot of truth to that. Family is a gift from God, even with their "baggage". Work it out..
They made a decision about the handling of their affairs. No obligation to consult you existed, unless they were requesting that you take on the responsibilities. I fail to see how that constitutes "getting screwed by your own family".
I have a surfeit of "getting screwed" experiences. Generally, they involve huge expenditures of time, effort, possessions and money of mine lost... none involve entitlement to knowledge or other's possessions, money etc.
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Both my Sister ( older than I ), and myself offered to move her in. She chose my Sister.
A couple of years later, and a broken hip and shoulder, she had to go in a nursing home for a short stay. She made my Sister Executer of her Will, and gave her POA, with me being secondary. I was not consulted, but never felt it was behind my back. It was my Mom's decision.
Then, after healing, back to my Sisters home.
A couple of years later, old age dementia and old age Parkinsons, put my Mom back into a Nursing Home because she needed medical care that my Sister could not provide.
My Sister had to deal with EVERYTHING - Medicaid, Medicare, Social Services, selling the home, medical treatment decisions, Doctors, Nurses, Administrators, EVERYTHING.
My Mom passed away, it will be two years this November. Last fall, after everything had been settled in the estate, my Sister called me and said there was some money left over. I told her to keep it all.
I had rather go back through Marine Corps Boot Camp twice in a row, than to have to deal with the things my Sister had to go through taking care of my Mom's estate, and dealing with State agencies.
My Mother loved me very much, but she did not consult me with her decisions, and I was OK with that.
My Sister was the champion of the family, the Guardian of my Mother, and a Pit Bull when dealing with the miles of red tape. She did consult with me when she could, but sometimes had to make decisions on the spot. I had no issue with that. There must be a special place in Heaven awaiting my Sister and my Brother-in-law, for the things they endured, and the love they gave my Mother when she was helpless.
Sometimes people just need a listening post...
Same subject different topic, my wife's dad abandoned her when I got her pregnant at 15yrs old and she refused to get an abortion. That son he wanted us to kill graduates from high school this weekend. She's reached out to him a few times. I've reached out to him a few times. He's still a prick and I look forward to punching him in the face if I ever see him.
"I have addressed things in letters to my brother and my Mom , either has responded . PRETTY SAD !"
Addressed in a letter?
Give up the hate, call or go see them and let them know you are willing to help (If you are). This is your MOM, look at everything from her point of view and I think you can figure out why things are the way they are.
Your first positive step was coming to the CF because we are good at tough love....lol
Heal Thy Relationship with Family!
What I read is a guy who is upset because he was not communicated with. Something you Normally can expect from those you love.
But I agree, the CF is not the place to get support with limited facts. Maybe actual professional help is warranted?
We all have faced family challenges at one time or another. They are family, but keep your own values intact, IMHO. Best wishes.
I read again. Relating to something I am familiar with in a close family situation. Sometimes people are not concerned about the money for themselves, but rather will it be handled properly for a loved one. I am thinking of someone in my own family who is very honest, but also very un-wise with handling money.
I try and use humor a little, so where you said "almost always", I once almost shot a B&C deer, empasis on almost.
Just seems to be a lot of judging and assumptions with very little information shared. You may be correct, but you are probably old enough to know sometimes what something looks like ends up not being the case.
Someone has to step up in that situation...the brother did. Just do what you can to help with the right intentions Pope and it will all work out.
No, it's not right, but it likely happens a few thousand times every day.
Respectfully Pope, your parents raised you, fed and clothed you, educated you and helped you get a start in life. Since they chose not to include you, what they choose to do with their belongings and legal issues is their choice to make.
I understand it hurt your feelings...well, ya need to get over that and move on.
Since you've been relieved of the burden for administrating your parents estate, spend the remaining time with them and appreciate all they have done in their lives. THAT Sir, is far more important than dealing with the avalanche of legal issues that come as a result of a parent passing away.
If things are really that hostile around your parents house because of your hurt feelings, then step away. DO NOT make your parents last days miserable because you didn't like their choices. Don't blame your family members for a decision your parents made...that will only fill your days with anger and hurt, and permanently damage any chance of your having any kind of decent relationship with your siblings.
I don't know what you were expecting when you came here to share this issue...what the hell were we supposed to do about it?
