I was worrying about all the stuff going on in my life, my family’s lives, my friends’ lives, and what's happening in Washington, Moscow, North Korea, the Middle East, Hillary Clinton's scandals, Donald Trump, Fox News, CNN, MSNBC the downgrading of our military, the terrorists infiltrating our border, the illegals, the refugees, the FBI, CIA.
Then I saw a yard sign that said:
CALL JESUS 800-555-3787
Out of curiosity and desperation, I called the number.
Many years ago I had a utility worker reporting me me named Jesus. He couldn't tell time or speak much English. He was a good worker and nice guy but his co workers had to tell him how to tell when his break was over. They would show him where the hands on the clock would be when his break was over. If he went with another worker he would just follow them.
During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.
The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum .
So Jane makes quick progress with Tarzan and decides she wants to broach the subject of sex. Tarzan doesn't seem to understand so she explains it to him and promises to show him all about it!
"OH!" the light goes on and Tarzan says sure, he knows about sex, whereupon he walks over to a tree with one of those flowery knotholes, savagely thrusts a stick in long, hard, and deep, then proceeds to mount the hole. Jane is totally surprised. When he finishes she asks him what the stick was about, Tarzan explains: "Check for squirrel!"
I’ve noticed days getting longer and longer ever since about December 21st of last year. This makes perfect sense, with all the lumens these money grubbing capitalists are spilling back into space, they’re causing increasing global daylight. Soon it will be light all the time. I understand that full time daylight has already taken over places like Fairbanks AK. The government must do something before the night is completely destroyed! STOP THE DAYLIGHT!!!
Farmer in LaGrange TX placed a bell on all his roosters to keep track on when they were working. His old Red Rooster sounded like he was always working and it showed as most of the newly hatched chicks looked just like him. But when viewing the security video of the farm he found out the Old Red Rooster was taking his bell off and placing it on the sprinkler, then sneaking up behind the hens and screwing them. Farmer posted the video FB and it went viral all over the world. The very next week the Old Red Rooster and obama both received the Nobel Piece Prize.
The subject of stopping the Hawaiian volcano has also come up.
According to ancient Hawaiian tradition, the quickest way to APPEASE PELE and have the volcanic fires stop is to make a human sacrifice into her fires, and according to tradition, that needs to be a celebrated leader who was born in Hawaii and held a position of power
Obama quickly announced he was actually born in Kenya, and has the Birth Certificate to prove it.