You find out...
General Topic
Someone you trusted in the bowhunting community and were friends with, blatantly told lies about you. What's your course moving forward? I know what mine is. Curious to yours.
I've had this happen to me in the past. I just ingore them and go on with life. Life is to short to worry about the small tuff like this!
Struggling with something similar. Only mine was an outfitter who told blatant lies.
Pray for guidance.
It would depend on what the lies are. I would maybe have a talk with the person first, or just the silent break up.
"AID" ... Always Increase the Drama. Or ... move on. This isn't high school.
If the bad behavior doesn't rise to a level where legal action is appropriate, about all you can do is to leave that behind and continue to live your life in such a way that no one of any substance would believe the lies if they were to hear them.
The #1 WORST THING about the internet is the ease & speed with which rumors and outright lies can be circulated...
30 lashings with a wet noodle....behind the wood shed of course.
So that my position is clear... I'm moving/moved on. A part of me wants to expose him on here, but I won't. Lies just infuriate me.
Feed the right emotion... let the other one starve to death
This has happened to me. To say the least, it is beyond disappointing. And hurtful. In my situation it is on-line and has remained there for over a decade for anyone to read. If you respond you risk compounding and bringing attention to the situation. Other than this post, my response to date has been silence. When this sort of thing does happen I do not think people fully realize the depth of the injury they can cause.
Move on, choose new friends.
"A part of me wants to expose him on here, but I won't. Lies just infuriate me."
Good on ya. To Casekiska's point (and cnelk's), if you feed this thing, it's just easier for someone to Google it up and bring a 10 or 15 or even 20-year-old thread back to the top of the page and you'll NEVER be free of it...
Rick, the only people in life that matter are the ones that love you and respect you. The rest is just white noise to be filtered out. The people that know you will know the truth about your character. Move on to something or someone more positive. You've got plenty of friends here and elsewhere that support you. Best of luck brother!
Blunt 'em in the forehead... ;J JK
Remove of yourself, four things: 1- Those who disrespect you. 2- Those who harm you. 3- Those who bear false witness 4- Those who disrespect your family Have no idea where I read this but good advice. Don't get even, get away.
I had some idiots do that on the KS forum until my story was backed up by the outfitter. It's usually jealousy especially if it's perceived you have more, do more, or know more. I usually correct their misconceptions and then ignore the rest. It's amazing the assumptions people jump to. I'm just a guy that works 3 jobs 6-7 days a week in the summer so I can take a month or two off in the fall and winter to hunt. I buy discounted hunts, or tags with rights from a landowner or I hunt public land.
Restraint of pen and tongue so easily said but so hard to do!
can you at least text me "who"? I love me some good drama. My lips are sealed.
If it's a close friend or close enough talk to them about it to see if it's just a misunderstanding or the intention was not what they meant.
You shoot some big bucks so it may also be jealousy - if it's that then haters going to hate.
For the record, I didn't believe half of what Native Okie said about you, Rick!
:):):):):)
No question what must be done; you need to put a dead cat in their mailbox. No other form of retaliation will suffice..
I'd beat him until he came clean, but that's just me :)
Midwest. That’s funny. Move on. Had to do the same in the last few years. Never looked back . Life is to short for bullshit. Hunt
Only thing bad I have to say about Native Okie, Nick... is he got off our lease when he moved out to the West. That's my dude. We have shared some laughs. Good advice all. Hands washed.
at least a flaming bag of Tater-poo on their doorstep, with a quick doorbell ring and run?
As others have said, just move on and disassociate with them, others will figure them out eventually. They did in my case and it did not take long.
I'd pretend to have moved on. Then, 10-12 years down the road, the guys house would mysteriously burn down while he's on vacation and I'd smile a little on the inside.
I agree with the moving on, but first I would have to confront him and get it off my chest, otherwise it would piss me off every time I thought about it. After I unloaded, I could move on much better. Might be the wrong way, but it's in my DNA.
Well, I’d move on. After I talked with him about privately. Just me and him. No internet drama. Nobody would be in that conversation but me and him. No tough guy stuff needed. Confrontation by communication. For me to move on, that would be the only way I could. Then, I’d move along. God Bless bro.
Dang! Buzz wins for most extreme.
Big steaming poop on his hang on stand. Make sure you strap in first :)
I agree with others, move on and be done with him. May be easier said than done, good luck.
Depends.
Longtime friend? If so, I would talk to him/her to make sure that it wasn't a misunderstanding. People see/interpret things differently.
"Dang! Buzz wins for most extreme."
I like to go ahead and get this out there before anyone even thinks about telling a lie about me.
Fill paper bag with crap. Bring to liar's front porch. Light on fire. Ring doorbell. Run.
Jack, Tater is on the ready.
Depends how close you are as friends. I would ask them directly and get thier side of the story, and if what you heard is true I'd cut ties. Never to be trusted again, if you can't trust your friends then what else is there.
I’m guessing there’s an opening on the lease now?
It’s not the first time, nor will it be the last, that hunting has doomed friendships / relationships
If the situation is anything less than can be legally prosecuted...move on.
Dear Abby,I have this.........REALLY??jeeze
But yet you comment? Geezzz
Dammit...... just can't trust ANYBODY with a secret these days...... =D
Move on. Good call. Forgive.... but never forget...... or was that forget but never forgive.... I forget.....
If they are a person who really matters in your life ask them what the motivation was and forgive them.
If they are not a person who really matters in your life just forgive them and invest time in the future with people who really matter in your life.
What degree of lies? Lying that you poached a deer? Lying about you to your wife? Lying about your best public ground hunting spots?
Hypothetical punishment should be meted out in accordance to the severity of the offense.
"Fill paper bag with crap. Bring to liar's front porch. Light on fire. Ring doorbell. Run."
real story..........someone did that to a classmate when I was in high school as a joke to the kid. his dad opened the door and started stamping it out. he had a heart attack and died.
Don't sweat the small stuff Rick. Just forgive them. You don't have to continue with the relationship but not forgiving will just eat at you.
You can see the results of "taking the path of least resistance" with some of these TV stars like Bill O`Reilly and such. When it comes to YOUR good name...reputation and integrity....you never lay down. You`ll regret it later if you do.
Franklin, I agree 100%. I understand what some perceive as the Christian approach of turning the other cheek, but some people recognize and take advantage of this trait for their own benefit.
Sometimes we have to be a warrior for Christ to make sure others are not harmed.
And yes, I am very aware of my Christian short comings. I strive to improve daily, but sometimes, much too often, I regress.
Air it all out on FB like some seem to have to do;) Just kidding of course. Move on, they will get theirs.
Rick, (Orion)... the degree honestly doesn't matter to me when it comes to lies. But... it was trivial and it was used to improve his position and make me look like a clown. There was no need to lie, period. I am one who doesn't deal well with people who slander. Again, in this instance it was done with malice. Sure... there might have been some ha ha ha's and yuck yucks at the end, but a lie is a lie. I can forgive, but I can't be around this person.
Sorry to hear Rick. It's always a bummer when drama finds its way into your life.
A reputation is an extremely hard thing to allow to be defamed, but I am reminded of this one guy from a long time ago that was 100% in the right, but the book I read about Him said He "made Himself of no reputation". The guy in that book is who I want to be like, and as hard as it is, when I find myself being spoken wrongly about, I have to try and remember that the only guy who never did anything wrong allowed Himself to be wrongly accused and ultimately killed by the very ones He was wanting to help. It sure goes against everything in our human nature, but He forgave his killers, and me my many sins as well. Who am I to withhold forgiveness from someone for much less?...... Same book has a cool quote that says "A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense." That said I wholeheartedly agree that it isn't necessary to be around that person.
Not saying this is the case in your situation, but I have found that usually there is some misunderstanding and communication breakdown. Sometimes it can be remedied, often not. The willingness for both sides to want to work it out is paramount. I have had friends and relationships where it became obvious that the other party wasn't interested in working it out or trying to salvage the friendship. I have a lot of friends, but I still take it hard when I can't work it out with someone. However, the older I get the less that matters to me. Too many other great people in my life to allow it to get derailed by those who don't value my friendship enough to have a hard talk, and work through our issues. With the friends I have who were willing to work through tough stuff the friendship came through stronger. Like a bone that breaks but heals stronger at the break. On the other hand sometimes personalities just aren't a good fit, but it isn't clear until later in the friendship. At that point it's best to just go your separate ways and spend more time on the relationships that matter. If someone is outright lying about you, then they certainly aren't interested in truth, which is an essential ingredient to working out problems. It's hard to forgive, but it’s important going forward. That certainly doesn't mean you have to beat your head against the wall in trying to make something work that just won't. Another thing I have found is that often the friendship is not as deep as I originally thought. When the other person makes that obvious it can be a startling realization. When that happens I respect their wishes and either keep the friendship at the level they want, or just move along depending on the circumstance. Sometimes trying to continue a friendship is like trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
Rick - here’s my 2 cents. I’ve been lied about from time to time and if I spend my life trying to straighten out lies, I burn up valuable time and fail to accomplish what I’m supposed to. Truth will come out...in time. I’ve developed the mentality that if others choose to believe a lie about me without asking for my side of the story, they probably aren’t worth my time anyway. Move along, you’ll be fine.
—Mitch
Move on and let's see this year's hero shot, you still have 10 days of bow season left.
Deer Slayer,
Great read, thank you. I have always thought Christ chose His disciples with different personalities for a reason. I believe it is not our approach that should be judged but rather what is in our heart.
Timely spiritual reading yesterday, no doubt sent my way through Him. The lesson was how when God asked Soloman what he wanted from God, the response pleased God. He asked for the right heart to make just decisions. He was granted much more.
Deerslayer... some really great points. Your words are put in a way that my mind thinks, but can't relay as well as you did. Thank you for your input.
Frank... thank you as well. I know what is in my heart... It's forgiveness. But, that's simply forgiveness that is unspoken.
EmbryO - That's unfortunate. It's the malicious intent that kicks it. Hit him with a rock and move on.
I'm normally not much for moral relativism, but I had actually tried to persuade my buddy to lie about me 'cause I was certain that it was the best thing to do. Totally different situation. Totally different intent. But I was indeed advocating for a lie.
Probably best to move on.
It's unfortunate if it's a friend but I agree with others in forgive and move on...otherwise is truly eats away at you like a cancer. If I knew him and cared about him as a friend etc; I would definitely ask him face to face, unemotionally, and if it's true forgive and move on people who make you better.
Knew I shouldn't of called Rick a redneck. I'm sorry bro.
Just leave a pair of frilly panties and a used condom where his wife will find them.
I would deal with it privately so I don't incriminate myself in public.
I would say my peace and tell him how disappointed I was to hear what he said then tell them to enjoy life on their own without me around to support them. I am similar to you Embry, I don't tolerate so-called friends who don't have my back.
his dad opened the door and started stamping it out. he had a heart attack and died. least he didn't have to clean off his shoes.
Bob... in a round about way, my hands are washed. Lies are lies no matter the level or how egregious. It's a stab in the back. I would never be able to trust this person again. Just hope they don't expect a handshake when I show up at the same bowhunting shows/events. Now... if they want to pick up the phone and spin some rationale behind the fibs and apologize... I might entertain that. They know what went down and I'm certain they are reading this thread.
Seriously Bou' bound!? I guess disregard my advice then. Wow!
If it was a close friend I would have to confront them and get the story from them. If its true and it was done as you say I would not be able to trust them and move on. If it was someone on the internet it really wouldn't bother me unless it was that person that was a close friend above.
I understand, probably better off taking that route, far less hassle.
