Contributors to this thread:
Start My Hunt's Link
One thing that I have found out ever since I have been hunting is that my wife has never been happy with me when I return, especially if it is for over a week. To soften the blow, I have discovered that if I have flowers delivered everyday that I am gone, it definitely makes a huge difference when I get home.
Any other ideas short of a cruise or a new car?
Mike
u must have money to burn bro . cheaper get a new wife if u have to bribe your way into the woods . The price will only go up u are toast
Stop being a "Beta". That's what's wrong with this country. ha! Take care, I hope she enjoys them.
why is she not happy when you return?
Must be a lot of testosterone in the air before the hunt. You guys crack me up. Anyway, good luck this year and be safe.
Mike
I don't know what it is, but I can only think of one thing when someone says "before you head out", and that is... Don't forget your Chapstick.
Look at the bright side, at least she lets you go.
Dang that stinks, it's good to let her know you are thinking of her though! I'll be doing similar for my girlfriend this next trip.
I always just make sure I go on more family vacations than hunting or fishing trips. Seems to rid the potential for guilt trips. A trip to the spa right before or after always helps too. The only part that really gets to her is keeping my construction company going when I'm gone. The phone doesn't stop and tracking the guys hours and receipts are always fun. Just make sure you always do more for her than yourself . Seems to work for me and my hunting buddies
I take my wife with me. She like to go out with me and listen to the bulls bugle. She is great on a blood trail also. In 35 years she's never missed a season.
I've been going on solo trips for 15 of the 17 years that my wife and I have been together. She used to stomp and spit, but she found out that it did no good. Perhaps she does it cause she likes the flowers - that's positive feed back.
Perhaps you could help her understand that you don't just want to go elk hunting, but that you have to go. If she understood that, even if she wants you around, which I assume she does since she's pouting, then perhaps she'd be more understanding and encourage you to go.
There was a great article several months ago in Bugle called, "The Gifts of Elk Country" that I think would help any non-hunter understand an elk hunter better. Don't tell her what it's about or why you want her to read it before she reads it. Let her come to the conclusion herself. People understand much better when they come to the conclusion themselves.
Well said archer!!! My wife gave up trying to understand a while ago. She'just tries to enjoy the rest of the year cuz when hunting season rolls around she knows I'll make every excuse I can think of to get in the woods. I also try to make her understand that I'm not trying to be away from her I'm trying to fulfill my passion. Not much else makes me as happy as sitting out in the middle of nowhere with my bow in hand. Do you have buddies you go on trips with? If so they make great scapegoats, me and my buddies do it all the time. We all volunteer to be the bad guy to another mans wife. Lol
I have been married 18 years. If I had to "bribe" my wife to let me hunt. I wouldn't have gotten married to begin with. These are things that should be out on the table way before you even talk about getting married.
After 30 yrs of marriage my wife now sees that I NEED to go.. She understands I return a better person when I get away from the world for awhile. She does however keep her distance when I return due to the stinch that accompanies me... Takes a day or two to get rid of... :)
Two other things, 1- have a piece of elk-ivory jewelry made especially for her. 2- leave a few little love notes scattered where she'll find them while you're gone, under her pillow, in her purse etc.
Lots of luck fellas
Well said Rutnut. My exwife would tell me I wasn't going. Notice she is my exwife. The funny thing is she was texting me today. I was pouring it on I was leaving for a 3 week hunting trip.
However in the OP's shoes I would take her on a romantic trip. Doesn't have to be a big trip. A tank of gas, hotel reservations and a hotel room can do a lot. Maybe even through in some flowers.
In my experiences with wives... whatever you do it isnt enough and they are like elephants - they never forget...
I got those T shirts...
Go hunt elk.
I am very lucky. My wife Tricia of 33 years, states this.
"Good luck and don't come home until you get an elk"
You bet, I am one lucky guy.
My best, Paul
PS,,, ok, flowers and dinner later and I always make sure I have enough honey-do "points" just prior to elk season.
Just to clarify, I do not think she minds me being gone, just all the crap she has to do on her own with 3 kids.
Yes, like an elephant, they never forget.
Most women aren't hysterical but rather historical.
Wow, Mike. I hunt 40-50 days a year. I believe a flower delivery these days is about $30-40?
That works out to.... Wow...!
My wife is just happy that I come home to her, hopefully with a freezer full of meat!
Lou, unfortunately (or maybe fortunately considering the cost of flowers) I can only take a week off from work due to limited vacation time. When I finally have the opportunity to go hunting for a longer period of time, I will need to scale back on the frequency.
Mike
... just leave her with the checkbook, credit card, and a bottle of booze.
Sounds dangerous GhostBird
Mine is always happy when I return but I do send her flowers one day while I'm gone, usually preordered before I leave. If she's unhappy when you return you must need to stay gone longer.
My wife has never given me a minute of grief about my hunting.
Why? Probably because I still love her after 18 years of marriage and I try and show her that the rest of the year.
First I make time to have a vacation with her every year somewhere we both enjoy.
Second, I never really "keep score" but I try and spend money on her (or let her spend money) about equal to what I spend on hunting. Otherwise it is lopsided in my favor.
Third, I encourage her to take trips with girlfriends when I am gone hunting. Or at other times during the year if she can't when I am gone.
If any guy uses all his vacation for hunting only and has none left for his wife, that is a formula for an unhappy wife, and rightly so.
My wife is fine with me going and when I get home after 3 weeks she has a smile that could warm the south pole. Sometimes being apart brings us closer if that makes any sense at all. No offense but I NEVER buy anything to make up for being gone. Now my poor brother in law, sat phones, gifts and u name it, she still throws a fit every year. That girl makes a better decoration than life partner.
I'm not touching this one...
My wife is excited about me going this year. I've been making excuses for years but not this year. My wife also used to give me hard time about all my hunting but after 10 yrs she finally understands. I do like the idea of hiding little notes around the house for her while I'm gone. I may try that just so she does realize I do miss her while I'm gone!!
I don't know what to tell you because I can't relate. We are right in the middle of a home remodel DIY project. I am half done in house area. Only thing I lack is the back splash over top of the NEW kitchen counter tops, setting on NEW custom MADE Hickory Cabinet bases, Which are setting on top of NEW 3/4 inch Hardwood floor, which is beside a newly remodeled dining room with a new hand made table, six chairs, dining buffet and hutch, which is beside the newly built on Laundry room with new machines. Ouch is right. Lots of $$$$$$$.
I have to hang and finish 9 pieces of drywall, redo the bathroom, and refinish the hardwood floors in the original house before we are done. I told her last night that this weekend was it. To pick what she most wanted done before I laid off for hunting season. She never blinked an eye.
I got a good'er one. But, before we married she knew the deal and has never flinched. I think the laying down of my expectations before hand was the key. That and her knowing that if the situation required that I needed to be home, she knows that is where I will be without her having to even imply it. Wow, she is smoking hot too. Life is good.
3 kids are tough but, you hunted before hand and she knew that before you guys did what you did to get those 3 kids. She got what she wanted and that comes with a cost. If you cave to her princess fantasy of how a real husband should act, you are in for long run. Resentment will ruin it for you. Be the husband and father they all deserve but, be fair to you too. And, make no apologies for it. God Bless
I consider myself very lucky as well. Usually I hear "you'd better get an elk this year", and the bigger problem is her being upset if the freezer is empty.
Any successful marriage has some give and take. I always make sure to clear out my honey-do list and build enough "credit" so I can be gone for a week with no guilt. With three kids her life is hectic while I'm gone, I appreciate what she goes through so I can go hunting.
I ran into some small amount of trouble this year when my buddies scheduled a 5 day golf vacation to Scotland which would have me gone for 7 days and returning home just 30 hours before my flight to CO.
In the end I thought it was best to skip the golf trip this year.
Walking 8 rounds of golf the days before climbing those CO hills might also have been on my mind.
Get her some help while you're gone. Shouldn't be an issue then. Pretty simple deal really.
It appears to me there is a common thread here. That thread is balance. If a guy can balance his hunting time with wife time, then things tend to work out for both parties.
Txhunter58 has got it figured out. I do the same thing with my girlfriend and she is very happy. My girlfriend will not hunt but she loves to fish. So, we take several weekend fishing/camping trips a year. Plus, we will take one weeklong trip to the beach, cruise or whatever we decide. During hunting season she does lots of things with her girlfriends. They go do silly, girly stuff and have "estrogen fests" while I'm out playing He-Man.
I agree 100% with Txhunter58.
A marriage is like a garden, left untended it turns into a mess.
After 32 years of marriage I consider myself a lucky guy. My wife has never been an issue with my hunting and always encourages me to have a great hunt, successful or not. I just have to be willing to take a vacation or two with her sometime during the rest of the year. I knew a guy once that loved to hunt, but was always scared to return home after one. It seemed his wife would always spend a bunch of money while he was gone, i.e. new fridge, new washer & dryer, new wardrobe, new china, new patio furniture, etc. Hunts would always cost him double because of that. No, they are no longer married and he has remained single ever since. I'm blessed that I have a great wife.
Get her some help while you're gone. Shouldn't be an issue then. Pretty simple deal really.
I'm taking my wife with me this year, but any other time she knows I need to hunt. Every other year she has told me not to come home without an elk in the back of the truck and she doesn't say it as a joke either.
Mike, if it works, it works. Hopefully someday when you start to hunt more and scale back the bouquets she won't think you don't love her anymore...
The first night I met my now-wife I told her I was a Bambi-killer. She admitted that she liked to do landscaping and flower planting. So I hunt and she digs holes and plants stuff for the moose, deer, and rabbits to eat in the yard. Then we cook and eat the wild game together. She loves to eat it and is a great game cook. She also loves to look at big stuffed critters (go figure..)
One thing I learned long ago is to set low expectations for myself in the marriage. That way when I do anything even remotely remarkable, say, coming home from a trip on the day I said I would, it's like Christmas!
I go to Colorado for a couple weeks...which gives me peace and freedom.
After I return, my Wife goes to Mexico with her girlfriends for a week, which brings me peace and freedom.
It all works out.
"One thing I learned long ago is to set low expectations for myself in the marriage. That way when I do anything even remotely remarkable, say, coming home from a trip on the day I said I would, it's like Christmas!"
... BRILLIANT !!!
I'm one of the lucky guys, my wife understands.
But in the event your significant other does not understand, look at your relationship like a checking account (metaphorically, of course). You must deposit enough to cover your withdrawals. What you do for your wife/girlfriend and the family, is a deposit. What you do for yourself (time and money spent hunting), is your withdrawals.
I don't like going to the beach, or wine tasting, but I'll encourage her to go with her girlfriends, or, sometimes I'll even go with her. Then, upon my return (or even before I go), I'll be planning my next hunting adventure - because I made the deposit(s).
It's the same concept that txhunter and JLS are talking about - and it works.
I put my list of hunt dates on the refrigerator this summer and that seems to help with any communication gaps. My wife tends to have a selective memory when I state "remember, I'm gone on the 18-22" or whatever it may be. That said, we have an understanding of what I do in the fall. Before we got married I told her I was like buying a car with manual windows, it's who I am. If you want automatic windows, you'll need to trade me in.
All in all she's a great woman and a wonderful mother. Very understanding of my passion but keeps me in check as well.
Sheesh and here I was just gonna ask for a parting quickie....
I take mine with me and outfit her just as good as I do me! And she's going Saturday by herself while I'm at work! If she gets one, I guess I'll find out how good of friends I have, either that or I'll be up all night packing elk out and really tired at work on Sunday!
My wife has gradually come around to me being gone quite a bit for fishing and hunting. Now she just buys herself a new pair of shoes every time I get a box from UPS...she has a lot of shoes!
Here's a cheaper tip. . .
steal her cell phone one night (if she has a video feature), and record a video of yourself with a heartfelt message appreciating her, missing her, etc.
Then at some point during your trip, tell her to hunt through her videos for one she didn't take.
Little stuff like that goes a long way in my experience.
I've done that and the flowers thing (just one bouquet). Be sure and send the flowers to her work, because they love showing them off to other women :)
I did that last year at the beginning of the rut in NOvember, appreciating all her hard work with the kids while I chased deer. One of her co-workers' husbands has given me endless grief about it. Says it set the standard too high for him :)
We've been married 22 years. I have 4 consecutive weeks of vaction coming in mid Oct. The wife started a honey-do list the other day of things she said I could do if I got bored. I stopped her and told her I planned to go to camp, hike up into the mts and hunt, trap, camp as long as I could. She seemed fine with it. Maybe she has a boyfriend :^)
My wife knows how much hunting means to me. So much that her birthday and our anniversary dates fall during my late Sept archery hunt. Yes, I do love her!
1st wife didn't want to "LET" me go hunting. That's one of the biggest reasons she's a first wife.
My current wife is a gem, she knew up front I hunted and most things including my vacation evolves around it.She don't hunt or she would go too, however i do have a short honey do list to get out of the way before I go.I don't mind that one bit.
Bake's got it figured out. The little thibngs they don't expect are what get you the most mileage.
That said if I went on a trip like that without my other half she'd be upset too. Upset that she didn't get to go along and hunt!
When I go on my elk hunts I usually leave her and the kids gift cards hidden around the house. For a few reason: 1 gives her places to take the kids and keep them occupied while I am away for 2 weeks 2 I kind of feel it is only right if I am spending X amount on a hunt/vacation she should get something too 3 kind of a payment for the extra work she has to do while I am gone. I am usually stressed if I have all 3 kids for 24 hours so I can only imagine what it is like for 2 weeks. If I didn't do it she probably wouldn't care but it has come to the point where I think they are kind of glad when my next trip starts. My daughter has already dropped hints on wanting a card for Amazon this year.
My wife does a home remodeling project every time I go. Then she waits to see if I notice when I get home. As long as I notice and comment on how nice it looks (whatever it is) I am golden!
My gf looks forward to me being gone for 2 weeks. Should I be concerned?
Bake....I love the video idea!
You could always tell her to get an Ashley Madison account while you are gone and leave her with a box of condoms.
I catch hell when I plan for a 2 week trip and come home the first day or immediately after leaving with plans of a long trip with my animal.
Leaving this Friday morning for 11 day elk stint (Dad is already in camp up there), or perhaps if I have not yet taken one down, 17 days... Bets from friends are Dad and I cannot go till Monday on our tags-
Not planning on shooting anything the first week unless it is something I really want to put my tag on.
If I do put a bull down, I'm checking it into a processor and staying out Until Labor Day regardless... Bear tag may come in handy.
Perhaps you aren't staying away long enough. Each time she is unhappy when you come home extend the next hunt by 1 week. At some point the ever increasing length of your hunts will be verbalized by your wife. It is at that point that you calmly explain that she was unhappy when you returned from shorter hunts so it was obvious to you that she didn't want to see you so soon. Explain that you are increasing your hunts until she is happy when you come home.
She's usually happy when I get back... I'm usually 20 lbs. lighter and look more like when we met!
My wife has always been great about me going hunting. All she asks that if I can, is I call her once a day so she knows I am ok. She is not a candy and flower type of girl. She would actually get mad if I did that as she says it is a waste of money. Maybe a trinket or something from where I went on the hunt. Shawn
deerman406, call every day??? yikes. I'd have to drive 45 minutes down the road to get cell phone coverage. That ain't happening every day.
My wife just got back from an Alaskan cruise. In about two weeks I'm going to Wyo to hunt speed goats. No apoligies, no hard feelings, no problems. But then, I explained all about that over thirty years ago..................
If my wife is pissed when I go on a long hunt, it's because she had to work and couldn't go with me. Trust me, it's hard to find women like her. I dated a girl once that left me during deer season. She said "You just don't get it" I said, "You don't get it either, deer season only happens once a year".
I wouldn't be with a woman who insisted that I call every day on a hunt or I had to bribe with flowers everyday. Too high maintenance for my liking. Maybe that's why I'm single though lol
In fact that's just ridiculous. I get keeping your woman happy but really? Some guys can't go hunting unless they bribe their wives? Sounds like they know what they are doing and a bunch of suckers to me.
I agree wilhile .....my wife goes and does what she wants to do (she's leaving tomorrow to run Hood to Coast) and she doesn't have to bribe me to be happy she's doing what she wants to do.
She knew I hunted when we married almost 20 years ago and yes, sometimes its not the best timing when I go etc but to try and bribe her or being forced to do something to make her happy?
please ...
Exactly!
If I had a wife and I knew something wholesome like hunting, made her as happy as hunting makes me, wouldn't that make me a douche bag if I told her she couldn't do it anymore? What's the difference? Unless of course you're not taking care of obligations.....
Not saying anyone isn't taking care of obligations. Just saying I could see in that instance why she would be pissed!
Start... what part of CO you in? I don't want Coach bumping into your wife and getting any ideas.... =D
Been married a LONG time, almost 40 years now. A few trips were kinda shaky, remember one bear hunt that I was pretty happy I tagged out on or..... lets just say between her friends and family talking, her imagination got the best of her. Another trip she "cleaned" out my garage/shop and hauled off a bunch of odd lumber and such I had stacked. Always has a project of some kind she won't do when I'm here because I always say no to it...
Been an interesting ride. This year she went with me for the very first time on a pack in bear hunt. She had a good time and thanked me after for showing her my "secret life". Told her it's no secret, I tell you stories about the trips for weeks after..... she says "yeah, I know but I only act like I listen....." LOL! Oh well, turn about is fair play....
TD,
I live in Castle Rock now but grew up on the western slope. Now to put some of these wild assumptions aside, I Love my wife. I am not trying to "buy" my way into going hunting. She knew I hunted way before we got married, which was over 20 years ago. She is a great woman and only gets better with age.
The main point I was trying to make is to do something (so maybe I go a little overboard at times) so that she is happy to see me when I get home no matter what happened on the hunt or at home. At least she will be thinking of me as I will of her as the flowers keep on arriving.
Mike
best hope the flower delivery boy dont look like this guy !!!
City,
How did you find a picture of me? I am one handsome dude.
Mike
I had scheduled a Colorado hunt with 5 friends leaving 9/3. I later found out I drew a South Dakota Archery Elk tag, after 10 years of applying. I told my wife I was going to call the guys and cancel the Colorado trip, but she said "just go on both hunts, it's a once in a lifetime thing!" Yes, I am blessed! (and lucky)
Cityhunter's gal sure is happy to see him when he gets home! Imagine how thrilled she'd be if he sent her flowers!!
I leave in a month for BC>> I am planning a gift basket for her with lots of her favorite things.. And I'm going to hand write here a note for every day I'm gone.. Its the little things that allow us to keep going on these hunts.
"Its the little things that allow us to keep going on these hunts".
Son, no offense and I'm sure you have a great gal and a great relationship, but if I had to go to those extremes to be "allowed" to hunt every fall, I'd just hand her my testicles in a little velvet bag and hope to get them back when I return....
"little velvet bag" LOL!
Hey, I wasn't born yesterday, dollars to donuts it's a Crown Royal bag.....
Wrong coast, Jaq...here she is as city is packing for his elk hunt.
You're going hunting again, Louis???!!!!!!!!
Wilhille, most guys doing this stuff aren't doing it because they have to or their wife expects it and is high maintenance. It is however a small part of why they have long term successful marriages. If you think your woman is maintenance free, I'm sure you'll keep thinking that up until the day she is with someone else.
A little preventative maintenance keeps things running smooth. You wouldn't drive your car without ever changing fluids or rotating the tires. Why would you treat a woman you want to keep around any different?
Start My Hunt- Good idea. I get it totally. I have four small kids and it's a lot of work to deal with them solo. I am always grateful for time away and don't take it for granted. If you can afford to bless your wife of 20 years in that way....DO IT. No better money you'll spend. My wife would never tell me I can't go hunting but I make that decision when I can tell she is on the verge of breaking. Actually I'm usually one or two hunts too late but you know what I mean. Put it this way, if there was something my wife wanted to do for 3 months out of the year that would have her gone all of the weekends and lots of days off....leaving me with 4 kids. Um, that dog don't hunt! Hope she appreciates your gesture and you come home refreshed and successful.
Some have more money than brains or balls... which is I guess good for them. Some of the smaller nice surprises are good, but some of these things are definitely just bribes.
The way I look at it is I'm going one way or another. If she has a good attitude about it then maybe doing something extra nice for her is in the cards.
No I'm not married. My girlfriend will not be reading this.
Link I don't think you read my posts very well. Good luck gents! And good for you that do the little things to keep her happy! Happy wife happy life
"You wouldn't drive your car without ever changing fluids or rotating the tires. Why would you treat a woman you want to keep around any different?"
That's why my wife is always crying (fluids changed) when I leave and I buy her some new shoes (tires rotated) when I get back.
My wife gets a little hand-made card and note from me that she discovers after I'm gone. We go out for a nice dinner the night before I leave for a long hunt. She receives a "Love you" check-in message every night from the SPOT.
Her reward is when I bring home meat for us to enjoy together, and hopefully something mount-worthy for her to ogle from her spot on the couch (she decides where each mount will hang so she can look at different angles).
Her thing is gardening and landscaping, and she's totally happy doing that while I'm gone. She is appalled about some of our friends' wives who have to "give permission" or make their guy feel so guilty that it ruins his hunt. She says she would be an awful person if she put me through that stuff because it's my passion.
The way I look at it, if you have to go overboard with the cutsies, bribes, and gifts in order to hunt guilt-free, deep-down your relationship is probably not all that solid in the first place.
I always try to bring her a refrigerator magnet from wherever I travel.
Lol^^ you could at least get her the generic destination coffee cup that's made in China.
... she has some of those too!
It's mutual respect, and give and take. Little gestures are nice, but if you have to overboard with them to make the trip happen, then you might want to re-read Lou's post above.
My wife went on a girls trip to the Sonoma Valley last year during one of my busiest times at work. I didn't even think twice when she asked. She never complains or lays a guilt trip on me when I leave to hunt for two weeks.
"Dear Bowsite,
my wife doesn't understand me. I come home to piles of burnt flowers and cards in the backyard and the only ones happy to see me are the bird dogs....
what should I do?
ps: tags are still good for another 2 weeks..."
TD - Great stuff. My dog is always happy to see me as well...
Another clarification on my part--I do not do this so that I can go hunting. I have been hunting every year since we have been married. She does understand my passion. Plus, to fill the freezer with elk almost every year sure brings a smile to her face.
This is just something I thought of a few years ago so that when she is having a hard time meeting all the kid's schedules and feeling frustrated, she can come home and have something that reminds her I am thinking of her.
Not trying to give marriage advice here, but to those of you who do not appreciate the added burden that your family makes while you are hunting are missing the boat.
One more thing--It is really not that expensive considering how much a hunting trip costs. I worked out a deal with the local super market where I purchase five $10 - $15 bouquets to be delivered and talked them into a price of around $100 (plus I threw in a $20 tip for the person delivering). This included the delivery fees.
Like it was stated above--Happy Wife, Happy Life.
Mike
City,
That one cracked me up.
Mike
Mike 100 for flowers in ny will get you some 12 day old roses its the thought that counts hahaha same as size dosnet matter . I tell um i need to go hunt so i can get you a coyote jacket that darn elk got in the way of my arrow
Mike u are lucky u didnt start this topic in june lucky for u its almost elk time soon we will forget about this lol
City,
I have been chastised by my hunting partners that I set the bar too high. It works for me, but I will probably scale it back a few notches when I can go out and do some 2-3 week long hunting trips as the kids get older and I build up enough vacation time to do the same with the family.
Nice pelts by the way.
Mike
Both my wife and her sister have no problem with the boys going hunting, playing golf, coaching hockey, or what have you.
They both prefer those activities over hitting the bars...
It helps that they were raised in a large, extended hunting family.
Also...all the ladies go on a 3 day "women's shopping weekend" every fall...following deer season. And take a group women's trip at least every 2 years...and she's from a HUGE family!!! They went to 'Frisco last year...Vegas before that...New Orleans...and heading to the Outer Banks next. Throw in an Alaska cruise...oh yeah, San Diego........
DAMN!!!!! I'M THE ONE ON THE SHORT END OF THE STICK HERE!!!
Franzen,
Good luck with your girlfriend.
Mike
I saw a tee shirt in Puerto Rico no less and it said I LIVE WITH FEAR EVERYDAY!AND SOMETIMES SHE EVEN LET'S ME GO HUNTING...
A friend and his wife met me and my wife for dinner at a nice place. His wife was crabbing to my wife that he hunts and fishes too much, and then said she is glad when he leaves.
My wife said hunting and fishing is very important to both of us - it keeps me out of the bars and whorehouses and when I return she is happy to see me.
It works well.
22 years now. Every year is different, Kids are older, and I'm a lot better person happy, I've always taken care of my responsibilities, I've watched my buddies implode or worse give up. You only live once, you better be happy. Life is tough, I think I'm tougher, peace.. TJW
