A very rich businessman and hunter was reading through a popular hunting magazine and saw an add for the "smartest hunting dog in the World for $10,000." The wealthy hunter knew that he had to see this, so he got in his private jet and flew to Arkansas and got in a car and drove way out in the sticks to meet this backwoods man about this dog. He told the owner that he just had to see this dog and the owner called out to "Ralph". He pointed to a field and told Ralph to go find the pheasants. About 5 minutes later Ralph came back and set in front of the owner. "How many pheasants are in the field Ralph", Ralph paws the ground 5 times. They then walk out into the field and sure enough flush up 5 pheasants. The businessman shows his obvious fascination. Then the owner points at another field and tells Ralph to go find the Quails. 5 minutes later Ralph comes back and paws 10 times. They then take to the field and flush out 10 quails. So the businessman pulls out his checkbook and writees out a check for $10,000. Drives back to his jet fllys back to California and calls up his hunting buddys. The next day they all go out to a private ranch in the hills in California, and the businessman points to the field and tells Ralph to go find the pheasants. Five minutes go by, ten minutes no Ralph. Now his buddy's are started to raze him. 15 min, no Ralph 20 mins. Finially 25 minutes later Ralph comes running out of the field panting drooling all over adn jumping around. The businessman asks Ralph how many pheasants were out there? Ralph starts jumping around grabs a stick and starts humping the guys leg. Now his friends are giving him all kinds of trouble and laughing. He gets mad, grabs the dog and heads to his plane. Flys back to Ark. and drives up to the hillbily's shack and starts yelling at the guy that he wants his money back. Tells him exactly what happened. The hillbily just shakes his head and laugh's. He then looks at the businessman and tells him what a stupid city slicker he is. "Ralph was just trying to tell you that there were more FU--ing pheasents than you could shake a stick at. I wonder if Cheney had this dog with him and the dog was just trying to tell him something and he got distracted.
One day a man was traveling through rural Tennessee when he stopped in at a local bar. The discussion there soon turned to Raccoon hunting and coon dogs. The men were soon deeply involved in a heated discussion of the merits of their dogs. Finally the man said, "Out there in my truck, I have the greatest coon dog in the world and I'll stack him up against anybody. Naturally the good ol boys couldn't let something like that pass, and one of them said, "Mister, I got me a $5000 redbone, and my money says he can outdo your dog six days a week and twice on Sundays. A coon hunt was soon arranged.
They met at a prearranged spot in the hills that evening. The local opened the back of his truck and this beautiful, intelligent, glossy coated dog leaped out, full of energy and ready to go. The stranger opened his truck and out slowly crawled the mangiest, scruffiest monkey you ever saw. The local could only stare in disbelief. "I though you said you had the greatest coon dog in the world," he sputtered. "You just watch," the man said. Well off they went, and the dog was soon on the trail, with the two men and the monkey following along behind. It wasn't long before he barked treed, and the monkey still hadn't done anything. "You watch now," said the man. He pulled a .22 pistol from his pocket and handed that and a flashlight to the monkey, who climbed the tree. Soon there was a loud bang, and a raccoon fell out off the tree. The locals mouth fell open and the man said, "Told you he was the greatest!" Excited now, the local set the dog out on the trail. Soon they were at another tree. Then monkey climbed it. Bang! Another coon. They set out again, and were soon under another tree. The monkey quickly ascended and they heard, Bang! followed rapidly by Bang!, Bang!, and two raccoons fell from the tree. Happily lugging their catch they set out after the dog who soon barked treed again. As usual they sent the monkey up the tree. They could see the flashlight shining here and there as the monkey searched the tree, and then the light went out. There was total silence as they waited there in the dark for fifteen or twenty minutes, before they heard a scraping of the bark as the monkey slowly came down the tree. He was muttering to himself, and so angry he was shaking. Once he got to the ground he walked straight to the dog, pointed the pistol between its eyes and, Bang! The local was aghast. "Why'd he do that! That dog cost me $5,000." "You know," chuckled the man, "if there's one thing he hates worse than a coon, it's a lying coon dog!"
After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle, a perfect night for romance!
As they sat there, the pig started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over to the pig and put his arm around it.
But, the dog became jealous, growling fiercely until the removed his arm from around the pig. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by, and low and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to good health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze, perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear, "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
