orionsbrother's Link
"Anyhoo, death is all but certain, so let me get to the part about murdering the deer.
For starters, I have never trusted deer. Their innocent, wide-eyed adorableness shtick always struck me as a cover for something sinister.
When I saw "Bambi," I hoped for a sequel — one where the hunter comes back to finish the job.
Turns out my gut was right. A recent article in Popular Science revealed that forensic scientists recorded the "first known evidence of a deer scavenging human bones."
The researchers were doing a study where they leave a human corpse in the woods to monitor how it decays and gets picked away at by various woodland creatures.
Let's pause a moment and consider the conversation that led to that corpse being volunteered:
"Hey Grandpa, what should we do with your body after you die?"
"Scatter my ashes in the ocean."
"Sure thing, Gramps! I definitely won't sell your corpse to scientists who want to plunk it in the forest and watch it get eaten!"
What a legacy.
A camera was trained on the corpse and what the researchers saw will forever change how you view deer. From the Popular Science report: "On Jan. 5, 2015, the camera caught a glimpse of a young white-tailed deer standing near the skeleton with a human rib bone in its mouth. Then it happened again on Jan. 13 — the camera caught a deer with another rib sticking out of its mouth like a cigar." sticking out of its mouth like a cigar."
Like a cigar?!?!
These allegedly skittish mammals are just biding their time, waiting for us to kick the bucket so they can munch on our delicious ribs.
If death is around the corner — and it most certainly is — I'm ready to meet my maker, but I'll be darned if I'm going to let some bloodthirsty buck feast on my remains like a four-legged slob at a rib buffet.
No, we need to strike first and preserve the sanctity of our soon-to-be irradiated or gym-disease-ridden corpses. I want every deer dead as soon as possible.
Every human should be eating venison around the clock. You too, vegans. You're going to have to suck this one up for the team."
