Three old elk hunters were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome prairie, and with the pride for which these men were famous, it was a night of bravado, rot gut whiskey, and many tall tales.
Frank, the "Elk Man" from Wyoming says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest Elk Hunter there is. "Why, just the other day, a 360" bull was on the rampage, CWD most likely. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth." ***
Snake River Ben, from Idaho, couldn't stand to be bested. "That's nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that SOB with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp - didn't even get a belly ache." ***
Ol "Elkster Lou", from Colorado, remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire with his pecker.
Two Iowa farmers are arguing about a tree that is growing out of the center of the fence between their fields. Bob wants the tree and Dave wants to cut it down. After hours of arguing Dave tells Bob, "it time to do this old school, we will take turns kicking each other in the groin until one of us surrenders but I get to go first". Bob looks Dave in the eye and says "go for it". Dave backs up 10 ft, gets a running start and hits Bob dead center with all he has. Bob immediately hits the ground screaming, after a few minutes the convulsions have stopped and Bob slowly stops crying and regains his knees. After another five minutes Bob has found his bearings again. Bob looks at Dave with watery eyes and says "Ok my turn" Dave without a seconds thought responds with "On second thought I think we will keep the tree"
When I read the title I thought you were serious. The toughest guy I knew personal was a farmer friend. He caught his arm in a bailer. It was not quite severed so he had to complete the job before driving himself to the hospital. The rumor was he parked his truck just fine before walking into the emergency room.
Three guys were rock climbing on the face of 40 to 60 ft bluff,,1 fella 25 years older than the 2 young hard chargers felt he was getting poked at by the boys for not leading the toughest line up the face.older guy tops out ,standing ,unroped...took 10 steps back...blasted as hard as he could,out ,over the cliff,,15 ft out,a huge pine,he hit the tree with incredible force,,,arm looked road rashed..but he tried to downclimb and couldn't,,,,,a pine branch the size of a#2 pencil had went thru his pants,and right thru his nut sack....he had to pull himself up,to depale his sack,,,extreme pain......then down climbed the 50 ft ,,took a few hero shots,with the hole thru the coal,.....then promptly,,Got back on belay ,ready for the next climber....................I got that pic somewhere.....lmao
I knew a guy who was a self employed carpenter....and a good one too. He was doing a job and was doing a plunge cut on a table saw and he cut the tip of his finger off. This was in the morning. He was BACK ON THE JOB IN THE AFTERNOON!!!!
I could tell you stories after working 12 years in various ERs across Kansas. I've seen a kid walk in calm as a cucumber with his hand ripped off by an auger. I've seen 40 year old men drive themselves to the ER while drifting in and out of consciousness only to arrive and die in the parking lot from a heart attack. We got several of them back though. Table saws and chainsaws are number 1 finger killer for men. Having your hand smashed open by a cow running through and hitting the gate is a close third around the Flint Hills.
GF I have a friend that was a running back in high school. His shoulder would get knocked out about every other game. He would sit on the grass, loop his arms around his knees and pull, didn’t come out most of the time. Lol same guy lost the tip of his pointer finger at the first joint to a meat grinder. I also seen him once with a coil roofing nail in the back of his hand sticking through his palm. He was a bit weezy when we pulled it but he was back to work in less than an hour.
On a serious note, I'm reading a book by ex-Navy SEAL Jocko Willink called "Discipline Equals Freedom, A Field Manual". It's about how to develop a lifestyle that makes you the best you can be, physically, mentally, psychologically, physiologically, emotionally. Though it has nothing to do with hunting, it's one of the best "hunting" books I've ever read.
Woods - my pop retired and went on a trek in Nepal. The group was sitting, exhausted at a resting point when they noticed a 'toothpick' moving on the trail they had traversed a mile back. The 'toothpick' caught up to them and turned out to be a full wooden telephone pole that 3 Sherpa were moving on their 'highways'.
There was a guy from the south side of Chicago, The baddest part of town, He would tug on Superman's cape and spit into the wind. He pulled the mask off the Lone Ranger and kicked the tar out of Jim. He was a Marine;)
What I lack in good judgement I make up for it in I don’t give a crap. Had a knee replaced and was down vacuuming under the refrigerator and my knee popped out. I was home a Lone and had to figure out how to stand up to get to a phone to call 911. By now I was wringing wet with sweat so I grabbed a chair to use as a walker so I could change my clothes. Waited at the door for the ambulance. Doc told me you have about 5-10 seconds to get it popped in before the muscles spasm. When that happens you have to be knocked out to get it back in. A couple months later I’m mule deer hunting in Oregon in the middle of nowhere with my brother. Shot a buck and got down on my knees to go to work on him when POW. My knee dislocated again. I yelled at my brother to grab my leg and pull as hard as he could. It popped back in and I went back to work cleaning my deer. This time not on that knee.