Hunting Jokes
Connecticut
Contributors to this thread:
On the way to a pheasant hunt in Ireland, two irishmen walk past a pub,...............it could happen!
That's funny right there!
A tick, a deer and a white buffalo go into the bar in Fairfield county, the tick orders a Bloody Mary, the deer orders some corn liquor and the white buffalo orders everyone dead....sorry couldn't resist and don't plan to quit my day job.
Why do elephants have red eyes? The explanation is simple: they hide in cherry trees during hunting season.
Two hunters are walking to their stands when the one guy sees that the other is wearing sneakers.When his partner asks why he tells him their are alot of bears in the area. You cant out run a bear you idiot. I dont have to out run the bear, I just need to out run you.
Why are hunters and golfers the same. ………..They both want to make a hole in one.
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. "Wheres George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone."Hes about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there cause I figured aint nobody bout to steal him."
Look up the band down , there's a song stone the crow helped me out during my military times , great song , nothing against you or your name lol
A couple that made me laugh:
Dave and Fred get lost
One day Dave and Fred were Deer Hunting, and they got lost. Dave tells Fred "wait, don't panic I learned what to do in case this happens. Your supposed to shoot up into the air three times and someone will hear you and come with help," "okay" said Fred. So he shoots three times into the air. They both wait an hour and no one shows up. So they shoot three times again and still no one shows up. Bewildered they try this again and again for the next couple of hours. Fred starts to look a little worried, then he shouts "It better work this time, were down to our last three arrows!"
Deer hunters at the bar
One night during the local deer hunting season a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy country bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a deer hunter tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, then try his keys in five different cars before he found his. He sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. All the other deer hunters left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.00. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The deer hunter replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Couple guys saved up for an exciting bear hunting trip up in Canada, no sooner than they crossed the border they saw a sign on side of road, BEAR LEFT. They both looked at each other turned around and came home.. Get it Bear left, ahh forget. I will stick to day job
Bowhunter
really liked the decoy the joke, never heard that one before.
A professor at University of Connecticut was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
Dave and Fred go duck hunting one cold morning. All day they sit in their blind and have no luck. At the end of the day Dave says to Fred "I think I know why we haven't killed any ducks today". Bewildered Fred asks"Why?" and Dave answers " I dont think we're throwing the dog high enough!!!!".
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Deer nuts are under a $buck$