I wouldn't normally ask, but...
Wisconsin
When it comes to disciplining your children, is hunting or not getting to go part of your punishment? My parents always made hunting a high priority. But I always had to get good grades, do my chores, not talk back, be respectful etc.. You know the things kids should do anyway. Well my 15 year old son got into some trouble this past summer. Part of hi punishment was losing all privileges for 6 months, that includes hunting and fishing.
Well he has worked very hard and done great in school this year, better than he ever has. I told him last week that he could hunt gun season if he kept it up. It seems like this flipped a switch. To put it bluntly, he's been a disrespectful jerk to his mom, me and his sister. Part of it is just being a 15 year old boy. I cut him a little slack for that. But it's worse than that. He at least is still great at school and getting excellent grades. So does it seem over the line to ground him from hunting gun season? I have given him several warnings. I don't want to do it, but feel I have to be firm. Just asking, as I know there are some great Dad's on here. This is my first go round with a teen. Thanks guys, sorry about the sort of off topic, topic;)
I would set him down with your wife. Explain to him your concerns. A bad attitude doesn't play well with future employers.Set the discipline to include no smartphone or PS3 or hunting. He has 6 days to clean up his act. Down the road driving is a privilege not a right.. Does he want to walk to school for 2 years? Every kid is different as far has what motivates them. Good luck. Parents never get an instruction manual for raising kids. The good grades are huge. What schools is he looking at? Look at the incoming freshman profile for those schools. Does he have the gpa,sat scores? Collegeboard.com is a great resource.
I have a 14 yr old freshman at home so I get where you are coming from with the talking back/arguing. My son and I have a relationship where when it is just him and I, he can spoke freely just like he or I would with a friend. He knows he can argue his point with me one on one and whatever is said and decided at the end of that conversation is final, and in the end what I decide is LAW. This gives him someone to vent to when mom is "not being fair". And keeps an honest and open line of communication going between him and I. With that being said, he is under NO circumstances allowed to talk back/argue his point with his mother or speak disrespectfully to his younger brother. He recieved ONE warning when we established the "how you talk to your mother/little brother rule" when he became a teenager. I do not give second chances. If he speaks disrespectfully to his mom or brother, all of his technology is immediately taken away and earned back one piece at a time with the last thing being his smartphone. This has worked great for us as I have only had to do it one time in two years. In these times taking the technology or access to girls or friends is a far greater deterrent than nearly anything else for a teenager. They feel like life is over without their smartphone. My boys are high honor students and have never been in any real trouble before but I have always been relatively strict and a nip it in the bud kind of dad. My advice is figure out what he loves the most , as much as we all wish it was hunting chances are at 15 hunting is not a huge deal for him, and take that away right away, let him be pissed. He'll get over it but once he realizes your warnings are more than just words, he will think about his actions.
November, as far as after High school he is set on joining the military. He just can't decide whether he wants to go Navy or Marines. I have family, friends in both that are really trying to sway him their way. As far as hunting, this may be one of those times when I have to be a hard ass. I hate that, but if he doesn't pull his head out of his butt, that's what he will get. I can put up with a lot, but I don't tolerate disrespect of your family.
If he is set on the military remind your son that all branches are being far more selective with who they allow to enlist and one mistake in high school can completely destroy any hope of serving his country. Also, if he attends college prior to enlistment he will enter as an officer thereby starting at a higher pay grade and giving him far more opportunities to choose from once basic is over.
Good luck with everything. I'm behind you on the age of my kids, so I've got nothing of value to add. I'm definitely listening though.
Thanks November and Crusader Dad, I am pretty sure we have worked things out. We went for a walk in the woods this afternoon and had a great talk. I am going to borrow Crusader Dad's idea and let him have open venting sessions with me. He feels his mom doesn't "get him" and favors his younger sister. I guess this has been eating at him for a while. I should have figured that out on my own, but I can be a little slow sometimes. The big thing is that we both agreed that he has been pretty disrespectful to Mom and sis, and that is DONE.
I told him even one slip up, and there will be consequences. Taking his tech away is a good idea and something we already do. But he doesn't have a cell, only a tablet. Quite honestly he is a little different than other kids in the fact that taking hunting and the outdoors away motivates him more than video games. Thanks all for the help, I'm far from a perfect Dad and the input from others is very helpful.
Sometimes you have to let your sense of humor show. I remember when the missus came to me and showed me the Playboy she found under his bed. I told her just to leave a note on the centerfold "Mom was here". Worked great.
Love it Lame!!
Kids dont come with instruction manuels. Most times ya have to shoot from the hip and hope to God and Greyhound your making the right decesions.
As parents, we make mistakes. No one is perfect and we live and learn.
When was the last time you told your son or daughter...outloud..."I love you?" How many here do that daily?
Those three words are very, very strong and can fix almost any wrong they did or you did...over time!
There just is NO fast and true solution to each kid or problem.
Rut, none of us are perfect. No shame in asking for help or advice. If I can offer one bit of advice, take time in the outdoors for an outing of just you and your son. Each of my kids have at least one weekend a year where they get me all to themselves. They love it and those three to four days with each are more important than any during the year. I started each when they were 10 and to this day my 25 and 26 year old schedule a weekend with me. It usually involves camping, hunting and or fishing. All topics are on the table and believe me we have discussed everything. I honestly feel it did more to keep them out of trouble than anything I've done as parent. This year my 16 year old asked if we could hunt the opening weekend of gun season alone. So I am looking forward to this coming weekend. My daughter wanted to go camping and musky fishing. My oldest son and I are going to Tulsa, OK in Jan. for the Chili Bowl of midget auto racing. They get to pick whatever they want. You won't believe how much they ask or tell you sitting around a fire or lying in a tent on a cold October night.
The fact you would take the time to ask for advise, in my opinion, makes you one top notch Dad.
"When was the last time you told your son or daughter...outloud..."I love you?" How many here do that daily?"
BT, I totally agree with you that telling your kids you love them on a daily basis is important. This is one thing I do almost every day. One of the perks of being self employed is that I am home and get the kids ready for school every morning. I tell them love you have a great day as they go to the bus or I drop them at school.
I don't have kids, but to me hunting is a great bonding time with Dad and you can also use the time to have some one-on-ones with him alone and he can use the quiet time while hunting to reflect. The one thing that kept me out of trouble and got me to choose different friends was hunting. I grew up fishing, but it wasn't the same as hunting. Hunting maybe just what he needs.
Just be careful you clearly outline consequences of bad or disrespectful behavior. A relationship can be lost forever if a kid breaks away. Be gentle, but firm. Be CONSISTENT and don't snap. Be patient and make sure he clearly understands future. Positive reward, even verbal is good. As BT says "I love you" goes a long way. Spontaneous walks or dinner out do well too
I played baseball w/ my 2 sons, 3 strikes and they were out and I let them choose between the 2 punishment since I believe in 'free will'. They either learn now or they will learn latter which is a more adverse outcome; my saying was 'life is tough and it is going to get tougher". As both sons went through military boot camp (Air Force, USMC), they got with the program real quick where some didn't. Respect is learned at home and is carried forward in life.
I read a mat kuchar interview when he related that his parents took his golf clubs away and it got his attention. Not enough discipline does not get the point made IMHO.
If he is hunting with buddies, I may ground him. If hunting is a family event, then I would not. He may need more family bonding, not less.
sawtooth, great point. He will be hunting with me, the one on one time was a big reason I was hesitant to take hunting away. His attitude is much better since our talk. Unfortunately he has come down with a nasty cold. Hopefully it is all gone by next Saturday.
