Sitka Gear
Mrelite
New Mexico
Contributors to this thread:
arctichill 11-Oct-16
smarba 11-Oct-16
mrelite 11-Oct-16
mrelite 11-Oct-16
mrelite 11-Oct-16
mrelite 11-Oct-16
mrelite 11-Oct-16
mrelite 11-Oct-16
mrelite 11-Oct-16
smarba 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
mrelite 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
mrelite 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
arctichill 12-Oct-16
mrelite 13-Oct-16
smarba 13-Oct-16
BillL 13-Oct-16
arctichill 13-Oct-16
mrelite 13-Oct-16
Royboy 13-Oct-16
arctichill 13-Oct-16
trublucolo 17-Oct-16
JRABQ 29-Oct-16
arctichill 03-Nov-16
Fulldraw 07-Feb-17
ohiohunter 07-Feb-17
mrelite 07-Feb-17
mrelite 08-Feb-17
smarba 08-Feb-17
arctichill 09-Feb-17
arctichill 09-Feb-17
glunker 12-Mar-17
arctichill 12-Mar-17
From: arctichill
11-Oct-16

arctichill's embedded Photo
arctichill's embedded Photo
Had to throw a quick shout-out to my good buddy Mrelite. I met this compadre on Bowsite about 6 or 7 years ago. We had only shared one quick Oryx hunt [just helping out a fellow NR Bowsiter] before choosing to spend a few weeks together in some of Alaska's most remote country. Don't be fooled by the gray in his beard....this guy is a machine! We've been back for a few weeks now, but I can't stop thinking about that trip. It was incredible! I'm still blown away at the toughness of this guy. He was up by 4:00am every morning (we didn't get to bed until at least midnight each day). He would have water boiling and ready for coffee/breakfast when he woke my lazy ass up. I still have no feeling in the toes on either of my feet, but two doctors [one a neurologist] say it will return and I will be fine. While I'm still part-gimp, this guy came back 100%. Anyway, I know many on this site know Mrelite personally. For those who don't, if you get a chance, meet this guy. He is a top-notch gentleman, a hardcore hunter. He hunts with a laser-like focus and extreme intensity. He is one heck of a camp cook [proven through ptarmigan, not just boiled water] and a riot to be around. This was one of the first Septembers in many years that I didn't hear a single elk bugle. I missed the sound, but the experience I traded it for is one I'll cherish forever. Thanks Mrelite!

From: smarba
11-Oct-16
Cool!

MrElite is just as his handle implies - great guy

From: mrelite
11-Oct-16

mrelite's embedded Photo
For some people the sun just seems to shine on them
mrelite's embedded Photo
For some people the sun just seems to shine on them
Thanks for the thoughts and compliments, they are mutual without a doubt and you are no doubt a patient man to put up with me! From Sept 5th to the 20th we were the only humans on planet Alaska, a strange land loaded with grizzly and wolf, there were tracks on every sandbar and at every campsite, I am dam glad I wasn't out there with someone else, my thought was why would a predator want an old tough guy when they could have a nice young one ! So thanks right back at you for making it an absolute awesome trip for me as well. Even though we had no kill we should post some pics, I haven't even seen the pics you took! I have a bunch of Jesse pics LOL

From: mrelite
11-Oct-16

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We got to the hotel and had to repack the gear for the super cub ride which was 50lbs and the rest of the gear had to be packed for an airdrop.
mrelite's embedded Photo
We got to the hotel and had to repack the gear for the super cub ride which was 50lbs and the rest of the gear had to be packed for an airdrop.
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finishing up the air drop gear
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finishing up the air drop gear
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Our first leg was to a staging airstrip on a Cessna 206
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Our first leg was to a staging airstrip on a Cessna 206
mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
Thanks Carl, There are some great people on Bowsite!

From: mrelite
11-Oct-16

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The flght to the staging strip took us over some great looking country.
mrelite's embedded Photo
The flght to the staging strip took us over some great looking country.

From: mrelite
11-Oct-16

mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo

From: mrelite
11-Oct-16

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The Super cub flight was too cool, I was so wrapped up in the flight that I forgot to take pictures until it was almost over.
mrelite's embedded Photo
The Super cub flight was too cool, I was so wrapped up in the flight that I forgot to take pictures until it was almost over.
mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo

From: mrelite
11-Oct-16

From: mrelite
11-Oct-16

mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
Ready to hike to our creek

From: smarba
12-Oct-16
Fantastic photos - can't wait to catch up and see them all!

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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A pic of JP at Camp #1.
arctichill's embedded Photo
A pic of JP at Camp #1.

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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Here's JP dragging his raft upstream so we could get to a vantage point. We would ride the rafts back down to Camp #1 to familiarize ourselves with this watercraft prior to floating fully loaded.
arctichill's embedded Photo
Here's JP dragging his raft upstream so we could get to a vantage point. We would ride the rafts back down to Camp #1 to familiarize ourselves with this watercraft prior to floating fully loaded.

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

arctichill's embedded Photo
JP glassing for moose from our vantage.
arctichill's embedded Photo
JP glassing for moose from our vantage.
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The view JP was studying.
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The view JP was studying.
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Crossing the stream headed downriver to scout.
arctichill's embedded Photo
Crossing the stream headed downriver to scout.

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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Check out the way JP is eyeing those blueberries!
arctichill's embedded Photo
Check out the way JP is eyeing those blueberries!
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For most of the trip our mouths were stained blue. I'm not sure how many pounds of wild blueberries we consumed, but it was a lot.
arctichill's embedded Photo
For most of the trip our mouths were stained blue. I'm not sure how many pounds of wild blueberries we consumed, but it was a lot.

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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Spot the moose in this photo? It's a bit tough, because I think my lens was all fogged up...and it was a cheap wal-mart point 'n' shoot camera. He was plenty legal...except it was a day too soon.
arctichill's embedded Photo
Spot the moose in this photo? It's a bit tough, because I think my lens was all fogged up...and it was a cheap wal-mart point 'n' shoot camera. He was plenty legal...except it was a day too soon.
arctichill's embedded Photo
The sun shone on you too my friend!
arctichill's embedded Photo
The sun shone on you too my friend!

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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JP had been moose hunting before. Because he was much more experienced and qualified than me, he did the vast majority of the calling. This was early season so raking was a preferred method.
arctichill's embedded Photo
JP had been moose hunting before. Because he was much more experienced and qualified than me, he did the vast majority of the calling. This was early season so raking was a preferred method.
arctichill's embedded Photo
I would not have wanted to be one of those black spruce trees beside JP in this photo. They took some abuse!
arctichill's embedded Photo
I would not have wanted to be one of those black spruce trees beside JP in this photo. They took some abuse!

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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We found ourselves in the middle of the caribou migration. We almost could have touched this cow. Not sure if the painting-like image was due to foggy lens or if it was a setting on the cheap camera?
arctichill's embedded Photo
We found ourselves in the middle of the caribou migration. We almost could have touched this cow. Not sure if the painting-like image was due to foggy lens or if it was a setting on the cheap camera?

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

arctichill's embedded Photo
It didn't take long for these NM desert dwellers to become proficient navigators of our trusty, one-man, inflatable, rafts.
arctichill's embedded Photo
It didn't take long for these NM desert dwellers to become proficient navigators of our trusty, one-man, inflatable, rafts.
arctichill's embedded Photo
We took turns leading the other down the river. At one point JP led us down a rapid at least class III, that would have liked to give me a heart-attack. That got the adrenaline flowing for sure!
arctichill's embedded Photo
We took turns leading the other down the river. At one point JP led us down a rapid at least class III, that would have liked to give me a heart-attack. That got the adrenaline flowing for sure!

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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Our original plan consisted of a diet that relied heavily on fish. Unexpectedly and unfortunately, we were not anticipating the fact that we would not catch a single fish during our entire trip.
arctichill's embedded Photo
Our original plan consisted of a diet that relied heavily on fish. Unexpectedly and unfortunately, we were not anticipating the fact that we would not catch a single fish during our entire trip.
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A couple trekking poles and a boulder make a nice rod-holder. I'll remember that next time I find myself on a waterway that actually contains fish.
arctichill's embedded Photo
A couple trekking poles and a boulder make a nice rod-holder. I'll remember that next time I find myself on a waterway that actually contains fish.

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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Our fishing license was of little benefit, but we also had a license for small game.
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Our fishing license was of little benefit, but we also had a license for small game.
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Chef Elite prepares a meal of ptarmigan. This is one meal I will never forget! Of all the places I've been and food I've eaten, this meal of bow-killed ptarmigan on a remote Alaskan gravel bar...
arctichill's embedded Photo
Chef Elite prepares a meal of ptarmigan. This is one meal I will never forget! Of all the places I've been and food I've eaten, this meal of bow-killed ptarmigan on a remote Alaskan gravel bar...

From: mrelite
12-Oct-16

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Miner/trapper cabin, we saw a few of these historic cabins, the men that occupied these places 100 years ago had to be some rough dudes!
mrelite's embedded Photo
Miner/trapper cabin, we saw a few of these historic cabins, the men that occupied these places 100 years ago had to be some rough dudes!
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These cabins had all the tools one would need to rebuild the cabin and start trapping.
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These cabins had all the tools one would need to rebuild the cabin and start trapping.
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Just get some fresh cut logs to fix the cabin roof from the local loggers, they had plenty!
mrelite's embedded Photo
Just get some fresh cut logs to fix the cabin roof from the local loggers, they had plenty!
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The beavers dammed up a creek and flooded a huge area that we had to cross through.
mrelite's embedded Photo
The beavers dammed up a creek and flooded a huge area that we had to cross through.
Wow, that little camera did pretty good!

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

arctichill's embedded Photo
arctichill's embedded Photo
During our trip we saw many hundreds...if not a thousand caribou. At one point as we watched caribou migrate towards us from a distant mountain Mrelite said, "They're just like ants climbing all over their ant hill!" They just kept coming. I really have to commend the AK Dept of Fish and Game for how they manage their wildlife. I don't know all the details, but I was impressed with what I experienced. First, as a non-resident I was able to buy a tag OTC for the largest mammal in all of North America. Second, I wanted to buy a caribou tag as well, but wasn't allowed to have both a moose and caribou tag simultaneously. That was very unfortunate as I could have had my choice of hundreds of beautiful bull caribou. Even so, the State of Alaska has to provide ample opportunity to the residents, the natives and the subsistence hunters. As a non-resident, I was afforded the opportunity to "mingle" with this magnificent species for days on end. We would have loved to eat the flesh of a caribou, but no wolves offered a fresh kill from which we could steal a few steaks....at least we never found one.

As the caribou passed by, often less than a stones throw away it sounded as though they were walking on a hollow-tile floor. Click, click, click....as if they were walking across a sheet of ice. Instead, the ground was soft and spongy....silent to walk on (save the cursing every-time a tussock flips and turns and bends in an effort to break the ankle of the human who should step on it). The "clicking" sound was very intriguing to me. It wasn't until we returned to civilization and to the Museum of the North located at the University of Alaska Fairbanks that my questions were answered. Caribou have tendons that slip over the bones of their feet as they walk which creates the clicking sound I was hearing.

Again, I commend Alaska Fish and Game for their work. While I was not allowed to kill a caribou, I was afforded the opportunity to exist in their world at such close proximity that I could hear the movement of their tendons. That's a pretty special opportunity!

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

arctichill's embedded Photo
Not sure how the local loggers felt about the intruders??
arctichill's embedded Photo
Not sure how the local loggers felt about the intruders??

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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The country was beyond beautiful! It's the remoteness that I miss the most. I guarantee there was not another human being anywhere near any of the terrain captured in this photo.
arctichill's embedded Photo
The country was beyond beautiful! It's the remoteness that I miss the most. I guarantee there was not another human being anywhere near any of the terrain captured in this photo.

From: mrelite
12-Oct-16

mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
There were Grizzly, wolf, moose and caribou tracks just about everywhere.
mrelite's embedded Photo
There were Grizzly, wolf, moose and caribou tracks just about everywhere.
mrelite's embedded Photo
mrelite's embedded Photo
Camp is all packed up, time to move. One big issue was time management, we could only hunt an area or stay at a camp for a couple days before we had to move on down the river. Not knowing the river made for some tough decisions, there were times we didn't want to leave a camp but we did not know if there were better areas down stream.

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

arctichill's embedded Photo
arctichill's embedded Photo
This was just one of MANY grizzly tracks we encountered. This one wasn't abnormally large...relatively small actually, but the claw marks seemed impressive at the time. WE saw a spectacular sow with two large cubs. The sight was incredible. We watched her teaching her cubs how to hunt. She was a predator and so were we. She didn't know she was being observed [except by the caribou who froze at a distance upon seeing her]. We watched and enjoyed the show. When she made her way down the slope and into the stand of trees we occupied, we hastily retreated across the river and up the slope to gain a better vantage. I would not describe our demeanor as scared, but we were definitely concerned. We knew who the top predator was at that time in this place....it was neither JP nor Me.

Days later JP actually encountered a grizzly cub in the thick willows. He is lucky to be alive. The cub retreated and the momma bear was never seen. As hunters we wanted to kill a moose. WE knew we were hunting an area that has a low-density of moose. The reduced density is largely attributed to the abnormally high grizzly population. About half-way through the trip we decided to hunt separately to double our chances of finding legal bull moose. This decision required a discussion.

The discussion dealt with how one of us should respond in the instance the other did not return to camp. We both agreed that each of us were qualified enough woodsman with enough resources [maps, GPS, common-sense] that neither of us would get lost. If one failed to make it back to camp it was likely not a rescue mission, but rather a search for remains. The other should act accordingly.

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

arctichill's embedded Photo
arctichill's embedded Photo
I would have loved to see a wolf. Evidence of their presence was EVERYWHERE, but neither of us ever saw one. I was not surprised. Wolves are one of the most elusive creatures on Earth. This is one of the details that troubles me as agencies in the "lower 48" try their hand at reintroduction. These agencies have no clue how many wolves actually occupy the areas studied. Wolves are formidable predators that must be managed. It's difficult to manage an invisible predator....and that's how I would describe a wolf.....an invisible predator.

From: arctichill
12-Oct-16

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If one didn't know better, he/she would have thought I actually enjoyed the torture of spending weeks in the remote and wild lands of Alaska!
arctichill's embedded Photo
If one didn't know better, he/she would have thought I actually enjoyed the torture of spending weeks in the remote and wild lands of Alaska!

From: mrelite
13-Oct-16

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Jesse's Ptarmigan and my dinner!
mrelite's embedded Photo
Jesse's Ptarmigan and my dinner!
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Dinner almost ready, it was just as Jesse described, one of the best birds I have ever had 1:30 in the morning!
mrelite's embedded Photo
Dinner almost ready, it was just as Jesse described, one of the best birds I have ever had 1:30 in the morning!

From: smarba
13-Oct-16
Awesome photos guys!

Quick question: in this particular unit you weren't allowed to hold both caribou & moose tags? Most areas in AK so long as season is open, you can shoot a "lesser/cheaper" animal with your tag. I.E. if you have a sheep tag you can shoot a moose because it costs less. Or if you hold a moose tag you can shoot a caribou or black bear, because it costs less.

That's only for units that aren't draw tags and the season has to be open for the species you shoot, obviously.

Keep the adventure coming!

From: BillL
13-Oct-16
Man, those wilderness trips are great. I lived out of a canoe in northern Sask for six weeks one summer and only saw three other people. There are fish in Sask. There are not as many mosquitos in NM, though. Thanks for sharing your trip - more, please.

From: arctichill
13-Oct-16

arctichill's embedded Photo
I'll let JP explain this photo.
arctichill's embedded Photo
I'll let JP explain this photo.
Great question Smarba. In Fairbanks we confirmed with multiple sources that we could only hold EITHER a moose or a caribou tag...not both. Prior to the trip JP and I actually briefly discussed one of us buying a caribou tag and one buying a moose tag. We quickly decided though that we would each rather kill a moose...primarily because of the quantity of meat it would provide. I suppose we were both pretty confident entering this hunt. We never discussed the "what if" that existed of not actually harvesting a moose. If I remember correctly, our conversations were more centered around the challenge of bringing two moose out instead of just one moose. I don't think either of us really considered the idea of bringing no moose out. We both knew this was a unit where moose density was low. In my arrogant mind, if there were only two legal moose in the unit, we would get both. We actually had three monster moose present themselves to us prior to the start of the hunt. One....[he might have gone 70"] came in to our camp as JP was setting up the camp stove and I was breaking firewood. I had never seen a larger set of antlers in my life! I couldn't contain my excitement as I noisily and hastily extracted JP from the tent. The bull was not overly concerned. It may have been past midnight, which would have meant it was the first legal day of the hunt. There was still enough light to shoot, and the bull was well within bow-range. It would have been outside of legal shooting hours though so we just watched the gigantic bull in awe.

Had we shot that bull no one on the planet would have ever known...except the two of us. Ethics are defined as moral principles. It wasn't a matter of whether or not we could get caught. We simply chose [as good men /women do] to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. As much as I would have loved to have that meat and as impressive as those trophy photos would have been it was not worth compromising our ethics.

So, back to the question; Although weight restrictions were an enormous obstacle in preparing for this trip one thing we did bring was an Alaska Hunting Rules Book. I had never heard of the concept of "trading down" to a lesser/cheaper animal. When we got into the caribou though, I wanted one very bad. JP explained that rule which seems to be unique to Alaska. When we returned to camp that evening I consulted the rule book. As unique as it might be, where we were, we were limited to hunting ONLY the species specified on our tag. Shooting a caribou was not an option.

Prior to the trip both JP and I described this trip as a "once-in-a-lifetime" trip or as a "bucket-list" item or other descriptions which would infer that we would not be doing it again. I'm not sure how JP feels, but I'm pretty confident I'll be on those ridges and on that river again someday....hopefully sooner than later.

I'm not a wealthy man. This trip was expensive....in terms of my lifestyle anyway. I am a business owner and the sole income provider for my family. Besides the financial aspect, it's tough to leave business and family obligations for nearly a month. It won't be easy for me to do this trip again....but most things in life that are worth doing aren't easy.

From: mrelite
13-Oct-16

mrelite's embedded Photo
To tell the story of how your pants got in the river I gotta post this pic again!
mrelite's embedded Photo
To tell the story of how your pants got in the river I gotta post this pic again!
After getting dropped at our ridge we were ready to start our 2 mile hike to the river, If you look close there is a little orange spot on Jesse's pack belt, that is the safety lid of his bear spray, the instructions clearly state, do not put in your pack, place canister on your belt. The first 1/2 mile of the hike had 4' to 5' bushes that were very unfriendly, as we made our way through them I realized I didn't hear Jesse breaking through the bushes behind me so I turned around and he was about 30yds behind and rubbing his face, I walked towards him and it looked like he was crying and he kind of had this orange look to him, I have to say I didn't know what to think! I asked him what happened and he kind of just motioned to the bear spray canister and said "the dam thing sprayed me" The good news was that it just barely got him in the face, the bad news was that it sprayed a 6" round orange spot on his thigh which was burning the heck out his leg. Since we could only take 50lbs in the super cub all of our spare clothes were to be air dropped later that day so Jesse's only option was to burn baby burn! at least for 5 or 6 more hours. If there is a moral to the story you would have to ask Jesse.

From: Royboy
13-Oct-16
Very cool Jesse, we have been talking about a trip like this and it certainly is on my"bucket list". So glad you were able to go! Been thinking about you lately as we are thinking of coming back to NM. Fred

From: arctichill
13-Oct-16
Fred, If you make it back to NM please don't hesitate to let me know if I can help in any way. I would love to meet up again. I expect I'll be hunting elk in Oregon someday on a DIY OTC hunt. I researched some of those areas and understand what you meant when you said it was "steep". Lol

From: trublucolo
17-Oct-16
Great thread.

From: JRABQ
29-Oct-16
Really nice story of your adventure, thanks!

From: arctichill
03-Nov-16

arctichill's Link
A short video summary of my thoughts/feelings as we entered the latter portion of our trip.

From: Fulldraw
07-Feb-17
I'll add, Mr.Elite is truly a gentleman and great guy. If you have the chance to meet him, you won't regret it...

Thanks for sharing your hunt guys.

From: ohiohunter
07-Feb-17
x2 Fulldraw, haven't had the pleasure of FtF but have talked to him on the phone plenty. Hope his shoulder is healing up!

From: mrelite
07-Feb-17

mrelite's embedded Photo
Not sure if this blowout was from Jesse or a bear but it was quite a blueberry blow out. Just talking shit!
mrelite's embedded Photo
Not sure if this blowout was from Jesse or a bear but it was quite a blueberry blow out. Just talking shit!
This is a great thread........... I really do appreciate the thoughts. I always felt a little hypocritical telling my girls not to trust people on the internet and that they should never meet up with strangers when on the other hand I would turn around and be talking on the phone to people they knew I had never met and a few times they found out that I was going to meet up with strangers out in the secluded mountains they would give me some grief but I have to say some good friends have come from Bowsite and nothing but good things have come from it.

Here's to good times and awesome hunts!!

From: mrelite
08-Feb-17

mrelite's Link
Here is a Caribou video with a cameo appearance by Mr Deubel

From: smarba
08-Feb-17
Cool caribou vid!

From: arctichill
09-Feb-17

arctichill's embedded Photo
arctichill's embedded Photo

From: arctichill
09-Feb-17

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Here I am seasoning up a couple ptarmigan with some garlic salt my 6-year old son packed for us. I'm sad my Dad won't physically be helping, but I am so excited to "pass it on" to my son!
arctichill's embedded Photo
Here I am seasoning up a couple ptarmigan with some garlic salt my 6-year old son packed for us. I'm sad my Dad won't physically be helping, but I am so excited to "pass it on" to my son!
I've hunted with quite a few people over the years. My Dad was by far the best hunting partner and the best friend I ever had. Mrelite and another Bowsiter [adventurewriter] were with my Dad and I on his last hunt. He didn't have a tag, nor did I but it was "our" last hunt together. That was the first hunt I ever shared with mrelite or adventurewriter. Had it not been for Bowsite, the days my Dad and I shared on that NM oryx hunt would have been lost to work and the usual hustle and bustle.

From: glunker
12-Mar-17
Your thoughts on shooting a moose the first day it was legal. Would you have had to finish the trip sooner to save the meat? Paddling the whole trip carrying two moose must make paddling harder, more dangerous in current and tedious for meat care. Where those concerns? What was up with the fish, you saw them but they did not bite or there were none? I enjoyed following.

From: arctichill
12-Mar-17
There was no sign nor any sightings fish save a couple of minnows we saw...maybe burbot?

We certainly discussed the challenges we would face with meat care if we shot a moose early on. The biggest concern was the river conditions which lay ahead. We planned to fly over the river(s) we were going to float down during the bush flight to our drop-off point. By doing that we could somewhat assess river conditions from the air. Unfortunately, our flight plans were adjusted last-minute and we never had the opportunity to see the waters we would be floating. I think our biggest concern was encountering long stretches of stream that were too shallow to float.

There was one spot where we could have potentially had an airplane land to pick up a moose. We thought we might be able to use the Sat. Phone to arrange that pickup so we wouldn't have to end the trip short. That potential landing spot (a long gravel bar) was still many, many miles from where we were hunting during the first few days of the hunt.

We had citric acid, plenty of game bags, and a reliable meat thermometer as meat care was/is always a top priority. Even so, not knowing the river conditions meant that bagging an animal early posed some risks. As it turned out, I think we could have made it all work out, but it definitely would have been exponentially more work than what we experienced without having harvested a moose. It's the fact that we didn't have the experience of all that extra work that keeps tearing at me to get back out there and try again.

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