Carbon Express Arrows
JANUARY Humor
Community
Contributors to this thread:
Woods Walker 01-Jan-18
Spike Bull 01-Jan-18
Shuteye 01-Jan-18
Woods Walker 01-Jan-18
bigswivle 01-Jan-18
Woods Walker 01-Jan-18
Spike Bull 03-Jan-18
Spike Bull 03-Jan-18
Shuteye 03-Jan-18
Woods Walker 03-Jan-18
HA/KS 03-Jan-18
Shuteye 03-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 03-Jan-18
bigswivle 03-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 03-Jan-18
Woods Walker 03-Jan-18
HA/KS 04-Jan-18
HA/KS 04-Jan-18
HA/KS 04-Jan-18
Shuteye 04-Jan-18
Woods Walker 04-Jan-18
Mike the Carpenter 04-Jan-18
Huntcell 04-Jan-18
Shuteye 05-Jan-18
J. h2os 05-Jan-18
Woods Walker 05-Jan-18
Spike Bull 05-Jan-18
Woods Walker 05-Jan-18
Shuteye 06-Jan-18
Woods Walker 07-Jan-18
woodguy65 07-Jan-18
HA/KS 07-Jan-18
Woods Walker 07-Jan-18
woodguy65 07-Jan-18
woodguy65 07-Jan-18
HA/KS 07-Jan-18
Shuteye 07-Jan-18
Shuteye 07-Jan-18
J. h2os 08-Jan-18
woodguy65 09-Jan-18
spike78 10-Jan-18
sundowner 10-Jan-18
Woods Walker 10-Jan-18
keepemsharp 11-Jan-18
Mike the Carpenter 11-Jan-18
Shuteye 11-Jan-18
wooddamon1 11-Jan-18
woodguy65 11-Jan-18
DL 11-Jan-18
trublucolo 11-Jan-18
absaroka6 12-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 12-Jan-18
Woods Walker 12-Jan-18
woodguy65 13-Jan-18
sleepyhunter 13-Jan-18
Mike B 13-Jan-18
Woods Walker 13-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 13-Jan-18
HA/KS 13-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 13-Jan-18
HA/KS 13-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 13-Jan-18
woodguy65 13-Jan-18
woodguy65 13-Jan-18
Salagi 13-Jan-18
Salagi 13-Jan-18
Woods Walker 13-Jan-18
Shuteye 14-Jan-18
HA/KS 14-Jan-18
HA/KS 14-Jan-18
tonyo6302 14-Jan-18
Shuteye 14-Jan-18
Salagi 14-Jan-18
HA/KS 15-Jan-18
woodguy65 15-Jan-18
woodguy65 15-Jan-18
Woods Walker 15-Jan-18
Shuteye 15-Jan-18
Woods Walker 15-Jan-18
Shuteye 15-Jan-18
Salagi 15-Jan-18
Mike the Carpenter 15-Jan-18
bowbender77 15-Jan-18
Woods Walker 15-Jan-18
HA/KS 16-Jan-18
Shuteye 16-Jan-18
Woods Walker 16-Jan-18
kentuckbowhnter 16-Jan-18
Woods Walker 16-Jan-18
woodguy65 16-Jan-18
petedrummond 16-Jan-18
sleepyhunter 16-Jan-18
HA/KS 17-Jan-18
woodguy65 17-Jan-18
woodguy65 17-Jan-18
petedrummond 17-Jan-18
Woods Walker 17-Jan-18
petedrummond 17-Jan-18
Shuteye 18-Jan-18
Highlife 18-Jan-18
Woods Walker 18-Jan-18
Woods Walker 18-Jan-18
petedrummond 18-Jan-18
woodguy65 18-Jan-18
wooddamon1 18-Jan-18
Salagi 18-Jan-18
Solo 18-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 18-Jan-18
Shuteye 18-Jan-18
petedrummond 18-Jan-18
Shuteye 19-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 19-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 19-Jan-18
petedrummond 20-Jan-18
petedrummond 20-Jan-18
Woods Walker 20-Jan-18
orionsbrother 20-Jan-18
woodguy65 20-Jan-18
petedrummond 20-Jan-18
Shuteye 20-Jan-18
Shuteye 20-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 20-Jan-18
Shuteye 20-Jan-18
Woods Walker 20-Jan-18
Spike Bull 21-Jan-18
Solo 21-Jan-18
woodguy65 21-Jan-18
woodguy65 21-Jan-18
woodguy65 21-Jan-18
HA/KS 22-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 22-Jan-18
HA/KS 22-Jan-18
petedrummond 22-Jan-18
petedrummond 22-Jan-18
Shuteye 22-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 22-Jan-18
HA/KS 23-Jan-18
Kurt in Memphis 24-Jan-18
Woods Walker 24-Jan-18
Hunting5555 24-Jan-18
woodguy65 24-Jan-18
Mike B 24-Jan-18
Mike B 24-Jan-18
Mike B 24-Jan-18
Stalker 24-Jan-18
Shuteye 24-Jan-18
Mike B 24-Jan-18
Solo 24-Jan-18
woodguy65 24-Jan-18
woodguy65 24-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 24-Jan-18
Salagi 24-Jan-18
Shuteye 24-Jan-18
Woods Walker 24-Jan-18
Shuteye 24-Jan-18
Shuteye 25-Jan-18
Shuteye 25-Jan-18
tonyo6302 25-Jan-18
HA/KS 25-Jan-18
Woods Walker 25-Jan-18
Coyote 65 26-Jan-18
HA/KS 26-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 27-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 27-Jan-18
HA/KS 28-Jan-18
Anony Mouse 28-Jan-18
Woods Walker 28-Jan-18
Shuteye 28-Jan-18
Shuteye 28-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 28-Jan-18
Shuteye 28-Jan-18
Solo 29-Jan-18
Hunting5555 29-Jan-18
JL 29-Jan-18
petedrummond 29-Jan-18
HDE 29-Jan-18
Annony Mouse 29-Jan-18
woodguy65 30-Jan-18
Woods Walker 30-Jan-18
HA/KS 30-Jan-18
HA/KS 30-Jan-18
Woods Walker 30-Jan-18
Coyote 65 31-Jan-18
From: Woods Walker
01-Jan-18

01-Jan-18
Hahahhaaaaa!

From: Shuteye
01-Jan-18
Now that guy can shoot.

From: Woods Walker
01-Jan-18
When I saw that vid I thought of you Shut!

From: bigswivle
01-Jan-18

bigswivle's embedded Photo
bigswivle's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
01-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

03-Jan-18
A man walks into a bar in New York where there is a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have? The guy replies, “Whiskey.” The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says “168”, The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and the latest medical technology. After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back. The robot asks, “What’s your drink?” The guy answers, “Whiskey.” The robot returns with his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?” The man replies, “100.” The robot talks about Nascar, Budweiser, the Dallas Cowboys, and the University of Texas . The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his “experiment” that he decides to try one more time. He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, “Whiskey.” The robot brings the drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?” The man answers “50”. The robot leans in real close and whispers, “So, are you people still unhappy that Hillary didn't get elected?"

03-Jan-18
1. My goal for 2017 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

3. How to prepare Tofu: a. Throw it in the trash b. Grill some meat

4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web

5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Nah, me either.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.

11. I love being over 65. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.

12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

14. November 5, 2017 is the end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you didn't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.

15. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

From: Shuteye
03-Jan-18

Shuteye's Link

From: Woods Walker
03-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
03-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
03-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Annony Mouse
03-Jan-18

From: bigswivle
03-Jan-18

bigswivle's embedded Photo
bigswivle's embedded Photo

From: Annony Mouse
03-Jan-18

From: Woods Walker
03-Jan-18
Good one Shut!!!!

From: HA/KS
04-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
04-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
04-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
04-Jan-18

Shuteye's Link

From: Woods Walker
04-Jan-18
After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at Hooter's to see some friends and have some hot Wings and iced tea.

After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told them, "The one who knows how to fix elevators -I'm old, I'm tired, and I pee a lot."

04-Jan-18

Mike the Carpenter's embedded Photo
Mike the Carpenter's embedded Photo

From: Huntcell
04-Jan-18
It was so cold...,..Democrats actually have their hands in their OWN pockets.....

From: Shuteye
05-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: J. h2os
05-Jan-18
I'm so Proud, I finish a puzzle in 6 wks. the box it came in said for 3-5 yrs

From: Woods Walker
05-Jan-18
Gee....you too? I thought I was the only one!

05-Jan-18
NINE MONTHS LATER

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.

They loaded up in Jack's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained.

"I'm afraid neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from.. "Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy.

I'm afraid I did.

Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you? Now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

From: Woods Walker
05-Jan-18
Amy, a blond city girl, marries a rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,'

"The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn.

You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"

So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one.. right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on....."

From: Shuteye
06-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
07-Jan-18
Bud the Montana Cowboy.........

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2015 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple iPad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S5® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know sh*t about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”

“Now give me back my dog.”

AND THAT FOLKS, IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS!

From: woodguy65
07-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
07-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
07-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo
I like this one..........

From: woodguy65
07-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: woodguy65
07-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
07-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo
"So I went to the doctor today to find out why my leg was hurting . He asked me where it hurt, So I showed him. He look at it and told me to just put my calf on ice. So I asked why would I do that? He told me it would help and to trust him. I said you’re the doctor not me so I’ll give it a try. I’m not happy with the results because my leg still hurts. This is why I don’t go to doctors."

From: Shuteye
07-Jan-18
Landing on the sun Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years! A reporter said - "But the sun is too hot. How can your man land on the sun?” There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Kim Jong-Un quietly answered "We will land at night”. The gathering and everyone in North Korea watching on television broke into thunderous applause. Back in Washington, Nancy Pelosi and her entourage were watching the news conference. When Pelosi heard what Kim said, she sneered - "What an idiot. Everybody knows there’s no sun at night.” Her office broke into thunderous applause. I am pretty sure this is all true.

From: Shuteye
07-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: J. h2os
08-Jan-18
City guy bought a farm and plant a garden , it did well. The next year he decided he needed so chickens, so he bought some chicks bought the recommended food for them, but the all died. So he went back to complain, the guy he bought the chicks from ask how that was possible, The city guy said i don't know, I planting them feet down. The guy said " hell no!" they to be head down. So a day later the man back and said they died already. The guy said " go to your Ag man , I bet your soil needs lime". jeff

From: woodguy65
09-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: spike78
10-Jan-18
Lmao Woodguy

From: sundowner
10-Jan-18
Two carpenters Jack and Bob were installing siding on a house when Jack noticed that Bob was tossing away a perfectly good nail every few minutes. "What the hell are you doing? Those nails cost a lot!" says Jack. "Well, some of them have the head on the wrong end", replies Bob. Jack is dumbfounded that his partner could be that stupid. "You idiot, he says......those nails are for the other side of the house!"

Apologies to all the carpenters out there.

From: Woods Walker
10-Jan-18
Did you hear about the blonde who was fired from he quality control job at the Mars M&M assembly line?

She was throwing away all the ones marked with a "W".

From: keepemsharp
11-Jan-18
The pregnant seamstress got fired because she could not mend straight.

11-Jan-18
“Apologies to all the carpenters out there.” .

No need to apologize. I’ve dealt with some real “winners”. Always knew before 9 AM if I was gonna keep them past lunch.

From: Shuteye
11-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: wooddamon1
11-Jan-18
Good one Shuteye, reminds me of a story I'll spare you guys from...

From: woodguy65
11-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: DL
11-Jan-18
Be careful what you give your kids..... This story had me in tears....Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little ****** compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). The light bulb went off in my head. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Lets face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles). At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. Pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? Screw that I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'. I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck...OH ****! He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a *** look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of Pyrodex and into the can. Oh ****. When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE. There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That son-of-a-***** got up and ran off. So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. ****IT CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard. There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires. I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know – I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR. and Dad screaming "Bring Him back to life so I can kill him again". Thanks Mom. One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business. Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both. I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

~Author Unknown.

From: trublucolo
11-Jan-18
"I’ve dealt with some real “winners”. Always knew before 9 AM if I was gonna keep them past lunch."

yep

From: absaroka6
12-Jan-18
DL that story was Awesome. Thanks.

From: Annony Mouse
12-Jan-18

...and poor atheist doesn't own a phone.

From: Woods Walker
12-Jan-18
What if you don't own a smartphone? Does that mean that your penis is still #1? (No pun intended.....)

From: woodguy65
13-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: sleepyhunter
13-Jan-18

sleepyhunter's embedded Photo
Well Crap.
sleepyhunter's embedded Photo
Well Crap.

From: Mike B
13-Jan-18

Mike B's embedded Photo
Mike B's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
13-Jan-18
Good advice! Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to BE one.

From: Annony Mouse
13-Jan-18

Annony Mouse's embedded Photo
Annony Mouse's embedded Photo
And then there is the book...

From: HA/KS
13-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Annony Mouse
13-Jan-18
For your viewing enjoyment...

From: HA/KS
13-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Annony Mouse
13-Jan-18
Henry...I did that last summer in Jackson. Really worth the looks.

From: woodguy65
13-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: woodguy65
13-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: Salagi
13-Jan-18

Salagi's Link

From: Salagi
13-Jan-18

Salagi's embedded Photo
Salagi's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
13-Jan-18
Sexual Harassment ?

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine.

He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.

The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

"It's Bruce, the dwarf!"

From: Shuteye
14-Jan-18

From: HA/KS
14-Jan-18
"Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they all go?

Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird and lives an extremely ordered and complex life. Penguins are extremely committed to their family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring throughout the remainder of their life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and their social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using only their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. After packing the ice back in the hole, the male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people!

I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!!"

From: HA/KS
14-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: tonyo6302
14-Jan-18
Is it just me, or is anyone else concerned about Salagi?

.. .. ..

.. .. ..

I mean, really, what was the circumstances happening in his life for him to come across that link to the Indian woman and the juice harp?

;^)

From: Shuteye
14-Jan-18
UUUhhhh Tony, that is a Jew's harp.

From: Salagi
14-Jan-18
"Is it just me, or is anyone else concerned about Salagi? I mean, really, what was the circumstances happening in his life for him to come across that link to the Indian woman and the juice harp?"

Juice harp, Jews harp, mouth harp, I've heard it called them all. Actually Tony, my politically liberal but hard working hermit of a brother posted that on his newly created FB page. He is who we should worry about. ;)

From: HA/KS
15-Jan-18
Ok call me gullible if you want

So an old friend called and asked me if I could loan him $500 to help him pay his rent. I told him...give me a minute let me check my account and I'll call u right back."

Before I could check my funds, my cousin called and said, "Don’t give him any money because he's lying.” My cousin proceeded to tell me that he wants to use that $500 to get his girlfriend out of jail because he wants to be under the same roof with her for her birthday!!!

So I thought about it for a minute, and decided to go ahead and give him the $500.

I called him back and said, "Come on, I got you." A couple hours later, I got a call from the County Jail, and it was him. he was screaming and asking, “Why did you give me counterfeit money?!"

I replied so you and your girlfriend would be under the same roof for her birthday!!!

You’re welcome

From: woodguy65
15-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: woodguy65
15-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
15-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
15-Jan-18
Woods Walker, that is about the hardest work there is. However, I liked what he is doing better than stacking in the loft where it was 120 degrees and no breeze at all. Once I was on a wagon in the field, stacking as it came off the baler. Had a black helper until a bale came on with a black snake sticking out of it. I was alone then.

From: Woods Walker
15-Jan-18
Oh no....NOT the loft!!! ANYTHING but that!!!

When I worked on the ranch in Wyoming, we used to say that we got heat stroke bringing the hay in, in the heat of summer, so we could freeze to death putting it back OUT in the dead of winter!

From: Shuteye
15-Jan-18
In my young years I liked the winter better, I could put on enough clothes to keep warm but couldn't take off enough to stay cool. I used to say heating your house with wood heats you when you cut it, heats you when you split it, heats you when you stack it and heats you when you burn it.

From: Salagi
15-Jan-18

Salagi's Link
I almost feel sorry for this robber. Almost. (some language warning)

15-Jan-18
^^^^What a dumba$$. Always amazed me how criminals always find remorse AND religion after they get caught. I was a Police Officer for 4 years in the Army, and could never see myself dealing with the same scenario but different face for the rest of my career. My hat is off to all of you who do it on a daily basis.

From: bowbender77
15-Jan-18
Hey Black Lives Matter ! Happy chocolate MLK day.

From: Woods Walker
15-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Someway, somehow, the lefties will find a way to blame this on white people. And if you interviewed this scumbag's mother she'd insist that he "dindu nuffin".

From: HA/KS
16-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
16-Jan-18

A man takes the day off work and Decides to go out golfing.

He is on the second hole when he Notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is About to shoot when he Hears,

Ribbit 9 Iron.' The man looks around and doesn't See anyone.

Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'

He looks at the frog and decides to Prove the frog wrong, puts the Club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked.

He says to the frog,

'Wow that's amazing..

You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies,

'Ribbit Lucky frog.'

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

'What do you think frog?'

The man asks.

'Ribbit 3 wood.'

The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one...

The man is befuddled and doesn't know What to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the Best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,

'OK where to next?' The frog replies,

'Ribbit Las Vegas ..

' They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,

'OK frog, now What?'

The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'

Upon approaching the roulette table,

The man asks,

'What do you think I should Bet?'

The frog replies,

'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man Figures what the heck.

Boom!

Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel.

He sits the frog down and Says,

'Frog, I don't know how to repay you You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'

The frog replies,

'Ribbit KissMe.' He figures why not,

Since after all the frog did for Him, He deserves it..

With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

'And that,

your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.

So help me God Or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'

From: Woods Walker
16-Jan-18
Monica brings a dress into a dry cleaners she uses run by an older man who's hard of hearing. She lays the dress on the counter and points out to the man that there's a stain on it. Being hard of hearing the man looks at her and says, "Come again?"

"No", she replied, "This time it's tartar sauce."

16-Jan-18
its a shame one of those bullets the robber shot to open the door did not ricochet back into his brain and kill him.

From: Woods Walker
16-Jan-18
That sure would have saved the taxpayers a lot of money! But then his family would probably sue the gun manufacturer and the ammo company.

From: woodguy65
16-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: petedrummond
16-Jan-18
Woodguy nice start.

From: sleepyhunter
16-Jan-18

sleepyhunter's embedded Photo
sleepyhunter's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
17-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: woodguy65
17-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: woodguy65
17-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: petedrummond
17-Jan-18
Better but a little sicker,inappropriate, offensive or disgusting content would be appreciated.

From: Woods Walker
17-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo
How's this...?

From: petedrummond
17-Jan-18
Better

From: Shuteye
18-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Highlife
18-Jan-18
Now that's FUNNY! !!!!!

From: Woods Walker
18-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
18-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

From: petedrummond
18-Jan-18

petedrummond's embedded Photo
petedrummond's embedded Photo
For instance

From: woodguy65
18-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: wooddamon1
18-Jan-18
LOL!

From: Salagi
18-Jan-18

Salagi's Link

Which of our libs is this? ;)

From: Solo
18-Jan-18

From: Annony Mouse
18-Jan-18
Henry...

From: Shuteye
18-Jan-18
Salagi, that brought back memories. Many years ago we used to take my son to a fiddler's convention in Western Maryland. We took him several years and he won first place every time. There was a guy that danced just like that guy prancercising. And all this time we though he was gay. We said Queer back then. He was a nice guy and had some moves. He liked the music and while the cloggers were clogging he was doing his thing.

From: petedrummond
18-Jan-18
Great stuff lower the bar

From: Shuteye
19-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Annony Mouse
19-Jan-18

From: Annony Mouse
19-Jan-18

From: petedrummond
20-Jan-18

petedrummond's embedded Photo
petedrummond's embedded Photo

From: petedrummond
20-Jan-18
Thinkin about posting a naked chick in a shower.

From: Woods Walker
20-Jan-18

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo
How about camel toes? I really don't know what the big deal is about this.

20-Jan-18

orionsbrother's embedded Photo
orionsbrother's embedded Photo
Pete - Here's your chick in a shower

From: woodguy65
20-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: petedrummond
20-Jan-18

petedrummond's embedded Photo
petedrummond's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
20-Jan-18

From: Shuteye
20-Jan-18
Woodguy 65, the angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat of the meat.

From: Annony Mouse
20-Jan-18

From: Shuteye
20-Jan-18
When she farts she blows bubbles. Also blows her sneakers off when wearing leotards.

From: Woods Walker
20-Jan-18
You will PAY for describing that image Shut!!!

21-Jan-18
PETE! You said a GIRL in the shower!

NOT RIGHT!

From: Solo
21-Jan-18
That cut deep. Thanks a lot, Pete....

Just imagine that girl sportin' a severe case of Parkinson's. She'd just be one big blur. Likely create her own weather system, like a twister cuttin' thru a trailer park....

Oh no, the visions keep coming to me. Make it stop.....

From: woodguy65
21-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: woodguy65
21-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: woodguy65
21-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
22-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo
Mike Rowe on flying with his parents:

Flying to Chicago with the parents, who are recently recovered from the flu. The doctor allowed them to travel, but advised them to take every precaution…

Mom: Michael, will it embarrass you if we wear our surgical masks on this flight?

Mike: Not if you’re performing surgery.

Dad: Don’t be a smart guy. We’re strapped into a giant Petri dish. The doctor says these masks could save our lives!

Mike: Only if your wife actually puts the mask over her nose.

Mom: I don’t like it over my nose. It fogs up my glasses.

Dad: Then what’s the point? The germs will get up your nose if you don’t keep it covered!

Mom: But I can’t see the Sudoku if my glasses are all fogged up!

Mike: He’s right, Mom. If you’re gonna wear the mask, you might as well wear it properly.

Mom: But if it’s over my nose, I’ll be breathing CO2. That’s a deadly gas, you know.

Dad: Good grief, Peggy, do you think the doctor would tell us to wear a mask if it were gonna kill us!

Mom: What do YOU know, John? You’ve got your string wrapped around your hearing aid!

Dad: What?

Captain: Welcome aboard, everyone. We’ll be flying into a pretty stiff headwind today, but we’re still gonna do our best to assure an on-time arrival.

Dad: “Do our best?” What the hell does that mean? Don’t they always do their best?

Mom: He sounds sleepy, Michael.

Mike: Who, Dad?

Mom: No, the Pilot.

Mike: He’s not sleepy, he’s just bored.

Mom: I hope there’s a co-pilot. Do you suppose there’s a co-pilot up there?

Mike: Probably. Where else would they put him?

Mom: Do you think he’s wearing a mask?

Flight Attendant: Excuse me, can I get you two something to drink?

Dad: Pardon me?

Flight Attendant: I said, CAN I GET YOU TWO SOMETHING TO DRINK?

Dad: Yes, please, I’d like some orange juice.

Flight Attendant: I beg your pardon?

Dad: Some orange juice, please.

Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, sir, can you speak up?

Mom: John, take your mask off, she can’t understand you.

Dad: I’m not taking this mask off. She might be infected!!

Mom: So I guess you’ll be drinking your orange juice through the mask?

Dad: Maybe I will!!!

Mom: Well then, I’m not putting this stupid thing over my nose!!!

Flight Attendant: I can come back later…

Mike: To answer your question, Mom, no - this isn’t embarrassing at all…

From: Annony Mouse
22-Jan-18
Mike Rowe's parents are a hoot. Mike had posted some of the letters he gets from his mom on Facebook. .. always worth the time to read and catch a chuckle or three.

From: HA/KS
22-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: petedrummond
22-Jan-18
I got some really bad stuff.

From: petedrummond
22-Jan-18

petedrummond's embedded Photo
petedrummond's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
22-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo
HA/KS, whipper snappers won't get that one. Love it.

From: Annony Mouse
22-Jan-18

From: HA/KS
23-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

24-Jan-18
A lady goes to the local country club because she wants to learn how to play golf.

She meets the club pro who will be giving her lessons. He sets her up to hit a ball off the tee. As she is standing there, she asks "how should I hold the club?"

The pro says, "hold it firmly, but not to firm....kind of like you'd hold your husband's d**k"

She hits the golfball and it only goes three feet.

The pro says, "not too bad....at least it went nice and straight. Now, take the club out of your mouth and we'll go for distance."

From: Woods Walker
24-Jan-18
LMAO!!!!!!!!

From: Hunting5555
24-Jan-18
Woodguy65, that "gay test" photo.... That lady was on Archery Talk and that is not the best pic her boyfriend and her posted. There were a couple pics posted that there ain't no way you would have noticed the bow! It caused such a stir that they had to shut the thread down and a bunch of guys got put in timeout for their comments....

From: woodguy65
24-Jan-18
Hunt5555 now that's funny!

From: Mike B
24-Jan-18

Mike B's embedded Photo
Mike B's embedded Photo

From: Mike B
24-Jan-18

Mike B's embedded Photo
Mike B's embedded Photo

From: Mike B
24-Jan-18

Mike B's embedded Photo
Mike B's embedded Photo

From: Stalker
24-Jan-18
That farmer would need a whole bunch of bullets!

From: Shuteye
24-Jan-18

Shuteye's Link
Mountain Men had pretty daughters too and they were handy with a gun and a knife.

From: Mike B
24-Jan-18
Y'all keep in mind that for every one of them "wall hangin'" girls, there's some poor bastard out there who's sick of putting up with their crap.

From: Solo
24-Jan-18
lol...ain't it the truth.... hehe

From: woodguy65
24-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: woodguy65
24-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: Annony Mouse
24-Jan-18
Asian Drivers...

From: Salagi
24-Jan-18
Shuteye - That song has always been one of my favorites. Clifton Clowers was a real man who did live on Woolverton Mountain (correct spelling) down around Morrilton Arkansas. He was over 100 when he died and from all accounts a real nice mild mannered fellow, who got a big kick out of the song.

From: Shuteye
24-Jan-18
Salagi, I know it was real and saw his nephew explain the whole thing about the song. He said his uncle got a big kick out of the song.

From: Woods Walker
24-Jan-18
Thanks for posting that Shut! I hadn't heard that one in years. Did you ever hear Nat King Cole's cover of that tune? It was one of my mother's favorite songs by him.

Thanks for reviving an old memory!

From: Shuteye
24-Jan-18
Woods Walker, there were several artist the covered that song and I think I have heard them all. I love it.

From: Shuteye
25-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
25-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: tonyo6302
25-Jan-18
LOL !

From: HA/KS
25-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
25-Jan-18
That'd be a real test to see if someone truly believes that they're "trans"!

From: Coyote 65
26-Jan-18
Would take some testicular fortitude to take the challenge. Do you have the balls for it?

Terry

From: HA/KS
26-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo
Might prevent these questions!

From: Annony Mouse
27-Jan-18

From: Annony Mouse
27-Jan-18

From: HA/KS
28-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Anony Mouse
28-Jan-18
Henry... wonder how many will get that?

From: Woods Walker
28-Jan-18
And they be garten fresh also!

From: Shuteye
28-Jan-18
My wife is of German descent so I realize that many years ago she was a Kinder. She outgrew that though.

From: Shuteye
28-Jan-18

Shuteye's embedded Photo
Shuteye's embedded Photo

From: Annony Mouse
28-Jan-18
Photo Retouching For Fun And Profit

While we work here at WTTRG/EOT just for the bloody good fun of it, our highly skilled and professionally accredited Image Manipulators (“Imanips”) also accept lucrative (mid 2 figures, typically) commercial assignments. We thought we’d share a recent project (all client references removed) where we were asked to enhance an original photo, in order to sell more boots.

Here’s our finished product. The clients were thrilled and sales are through the roof. We opportunistically invoiced like hyenas for the princely sum of $49.99, which they paid without complaint just 60 days later! Cha-ching! Life is good.

leather

OK, here (brace yourself) is the original photo. We expect to win major industry awards for this one. Which will help us jack up our rates, which will help pay for the afflicted Imanip’s psychotherapy.

From: Shuteye
28-Jan-18
The finished product is some fine looking leather. If they had used Madison Gesiotto in the original picture there would be no need to change a thing.

From: Solo
29-Jan-18

From: Hunting5555
29-Jan-18
Mike B. that is the same girl! Take that bikini top, switch the jean shorts for the matching string bikini bottom and you have one of the pictures that caused the problem on ArcheryTalk. She was holding a bow in the pic, but I have NO IDEA what kind.......... And yes, the back looks just as good as the front......

From: JL
29-Jan-18

JL's embedded Photo
JL's embedded Photo
JL's embedded Photo
JL's embedded Photo
JL's embedded Photo
JL's embedded Photo

From: petedrummond
29-Jan-18

petedrummond's embedded Photo
petedrummond's embedded Photo
Better but needs imrovement. Political stuff isnt funny. More importantly its not sick enough. You too can lower the bar.

From: HDE
29-Jan-18
Not funny.

From: Annony Mouse
29-Jan-18
This hangs on the wall in Paul Zeidan's classroom at Briarcliff Manor High School:

From: woodguy65
30-Jan-18

woodguy65's embedded Photo
woodguy65's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
30-Jan-18
WHEN YOU'RE 70...............

I went to the drug store and told the clerk " Give me 3 packets of condoms, please. "

Lady Clerk: " Do you need a bag for those, sir ? ”

I said " Nah... She's pret ty good looking ....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares ?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.

She said, " If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right. ”

I said, “ If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you. ”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares ?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feel ing her breasts.

" Really " she said, " Go on then... try. "

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, " Come on, what day was I born ? "

I said, " Yesterday. "

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares ?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I near ly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares ?

**********

From: HA/KS
30-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: HA/KS
30-Jan-18

HA/KS's embedded Photo
HA/KS's embedded Photo

From: Woods Walker
30-Jan-18
LMAO!! So bad it's funny!

From: Coyote 65
31-Jan-18

Coyote 65's embedded Photo
Coyote 65's embedded Photo

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