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Congressman Reveals Paul Ryan Rumored To Resign As Speaker In ‘NEXT 30 TO 60 DAYS’
Scientists Baffled by McConnell and Ryan’s Ability to Stand Upright Without Spines
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a “medical mystery of the first order,” scientists are baffled by the ability of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan to stand upright without the benefit of spines.
Doctors at the University of Minnesota Medical School, who have been studying the skeletal structures of both Republicans for months, believe that their ability to stand, walk, and even break into a brisk trot when confronted by reporters’ questions is “virtually inexplicable.”
“The fact that they can do these things without the aid of spines makes McConnell and Ryan anomalies in the animal kingdom,” said Dr. Davis Logsdon. “According to everything medical science teaches us, their bodies should be collapsing to the ground in two heaps.”
As the Minnesota scientists have struggled to solve the medical conundrum presented by the two invertebrate leaders, one theory that has gained traction is what Logsdon calls “the startled-deer hypothesis.”
“Just as a deer freezes in the headlights of a car and briefly appears statue-like, we believe that Ryan and McConnell’s bodies may retain their rigid structure out of terror alone,” he said. “In other words, fear is performing the function that a spine performs in other people.”
Calling it “just a theory,” Logsdon said that the anatomies of McConnell and Ryan require further study, and that there was growing public support for both men to be dissected.
It's official, he can now run as a Democrat, a party who shares his values.
He sees the writing on the wall. The house and senate is going to hemorrhage and he wants no part of it.
Ryan, paulz AKA atheist, are two peas in a pod neither one have no balls.
EF - "The chair is against the wall, and John has a long moustache". Lol
Good glad Ryan is gone. Now if we in Wisconsin can get rid of Tammy Baldwin.
Not of fan of his policies, but glad he had the, well, lets just say "male glands" to put his foot in the ring and try. It's not something I'd want to do, so Ill give him that.
I don't get the "country is going to explode" sort of thinking though. Whether you like or dont like the policies put forth in the past - or now - this is an amazing place for all of us to be fortunate to live. We are all, incredibly lucky to have parents that were either born or traveled here. Might have different ideas on direction and what not, but wholly cow are we fortunate.
My gut tells me something is up...why now? Plenty of people leaving this WH... the whole thing is begining to look like a serious spy novel, as much as i want our President to succeed to many people in power don't want the same. I am afraid he cannot withstand this onslaught even from his own side. You heard it here, its over patriots.
Rumor has it he will run for POTUS in 2020 with the backing of swamp money.
Scalise on speaker race: I 'wouldn't run against Kevin' McCarthy
I think he used the congressional slush fund set up to pay sexual harassment claims, or he's been banging his girl friend and knows it will be made public if he runs for re-election.
Not sure Thumper, more than likely Ryan thinks he is going to lick his way to the White House.
Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) said former FBI Director James Comey was a man of integrity, as far as he knew.
Paul Ryan Defends Dirty Cop Robert Mueller
Ryan’s Super PAC Gives Millions to GOP’s Amnesty Discharge Signers
Trump Revs Immigration Reform for November: ‘We’re Going to Change the System’
