Barr pressed on the use of the word "spying" because "it's not commonly used by the department."
— Caleb Hull (@CalebJHull) May 1, 2019
His answer: "Well, it's commonly used by me." pic.twitter.com/MzdosI3TIH
"Hello," she whispered.
"Hi, Honey. How's your mother doing?" I asked.
"She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.
"Did she go to the doctor?" I asked.
"Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly.
"Well, don't wake her. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?"
Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet.""
Artemis followed her into the local supermarket and grabbed her as she entered the produce section. Dragging her into the back cooler, he strangled her. Just as he finished in walked 2 workers. He decided he had no choice but to kill them as well so he strangled them also.
Thanks to security cameras, Artemis was soon ID'd and arrested. He confessed quickly to everything. The next day the local paper reported on the crime with this headline. "Artie chokes 3 for a dollar at the grocery store."
Somehow that didn't work out so well for him. I think those cases are called natural consequences.
Fraxinus americana var."kardashianum"
He says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."
"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked.
"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee."
The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 dollars, just lend me 10 bucks!!"
"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.
"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.
The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks please if you will."
"I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.
"I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places."
Billy's class was studying spelling. Billing raises his hand and says he has to take a piss.
The teacher says that word is not appropriate, but if he used the correct word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, he could use the restroom.
Billy thinks for a moment and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger breasts you would be a ten!"
A biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life."
The Harley rider replies, "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page.
So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?" The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I voted for Trump". The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
** U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH.
(Mensa, as you know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher.)
Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local café. When they sat down, 1 of them discovered that the salt shaker contained pepper & the pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the 2 bottles without spilling any & using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa minds.
The group debated the problem, presented ideas & finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw & an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution. "Miss", they said," We couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt & the salt shaker - " but before they could finish, the waitress interrupted, "Oh! sorry about that".
She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles & switched them.
There was dead silence at the Mensa table.
Kinda reminds you of the government, doesn't it.
I bet that's the look Hitlery had on her face when she had to be helped into the van during the campaign.
My daughter walked into the living room and said : Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop.
Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my house key away, and throw me out.
Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, " - she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. She actually said :
"Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Elizabeth Warren’s Presidential Campaign."
Annony Mouse's Link
Woods Walker's Link
I got you both beat! I can drive for 10 hours and NEVER GET THROUGH MINNEAPOLIS!!!
That would make Texas the THIRD LARGEST state...!
Terry
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..
..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"
Salagi's Link
A....................The balls aren't as heavy, and you don't have to change your shoes.
