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I just don't know.....

Well yesterday was the beginning of the Northern NY archery season and I just don't know... Usually I am getting excited in May,, thinking about going to Ohio where I am in on a lease, getting my stands set both there and on my property here in NY.... I am just not feeling it,, at all. I still am at a loss and in shock over the passing of my friend, Kelly this past June. I still can't reconcile the fact that he is gone. Ohio hunting WAS hanging out with Kelly hunting. With his passing, even though his dad an cousin are still going to be out there,, things just won't be the same.... The thought of being there without him is gut wrenching... Also, these past couple years, my neck has been bothering me.. 26 years of jumping out of airplanes, carrying heavy rucksacks and physically beating my body while in the Army, damaged my neck to where it is impinging my nerves and causing weakness in my arms. I was told I need to get a fusion in my neck ASAP and the down time for that is a couple months, then I need to get my shoulder fixed because I have a couple severe tears in my rotator cuff and my supraspinatus muscle is just about ripped in half, so my draw is really wonky to say the least.. Sigh.. I bought a crossbow to maybe use in Ohio and shot it several times to sight it in... After about 15 shots, I put it in my basement and haven't touched it and don't think I can bring myself to hunt with it..,. Anyhow, this afternoon I am going to go out and hunt/sit in a tree with my NOCAM HTR and watch the woods and take in the changing of the seasons. The geese are flying, the leaves are turning and the air is cooling. These are the days I used to live for,, and now am just kind of,, Meh... I hope and pray for the surge of excitement again. I hope and pray for some clarity.. I also hope and pray that everybody has a safe and exciting hunting season. Be safe and appreciate your time in the field. Be well all. Jay

You want the excitement back again? Ask yourself what Kelly would do. What would get him excited? From reading his posts on here over the years I'm pretty sure I know. Get his family in the woods. Get someone new in the group. Hunting may never be the same for you again but that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing you may find that taking it in a slightly different direction and slightly reordering your hunting priorities may bring back the desire to be out there doing this stuff we all love so much.

I hope that makes sense and I hope it helps in some way. It wont ever be the same and that sucks but that doesn't mean it can be great in a different way than it used to be.

It takes time Jay. Time heals wounds although the scar may always remain. Gotta remember the great times you had and cherish that. The memories are what matters. Be thankful for the time you had, nothing remains the same over time. We all miss Kelly and I hope you forge ahead and get a big ole bruiser for him. He would be proud

I didn't know the guy personally, but from what I saw him post on here I bet Kelly would rather you were out there doing what you love and helping others do the same. I think he has a daughter who would love to be out there in the woods again because that's what she did with her dad. Hang in there...

I'm sorry for your loss and although we don't know each other I am compelled to chime in. Your story is moving to say the least.

It will never be the same. That's just the reality of it. But how to heal and honor one's deceased loved ones is what you're up against. Sometimes just going through the motions and carrying on will aid in the experience of healing. I encourage you to be with those that also loved him and move forward in his honor.

It's not really about hunting at this point but a commemorative event to honor a friend.

My prayer sent for God's grace , mercy and comfort.

Jay, get out there and kill that monster buck in Kelly's honor. That's what he would want. I hope you do find that clarity you are looking for. Good luck this season.

Some great advice hang in there.

Jay we all feel your pain on some level. Kelly was a big part of Bowsite and is missed.

As others have said pull up your pants and hunt in his honor. Life is short and you'll be sharing a beer with Kelly before you know it. Go create some new memories that you can share with him when you meet again.

Jay- my advice would be to make a "Kelly arrow", climb up in your deer stand and get some blood on it. That is what Kelly would want. And I bet once you get up in that stand, you WON'T feel like you are hunting alone! Keep his memory alive. And post about it here on Bowsite. A lot of us would look forward to reading that thread! ;-)

I was thinking of Kelly today on my 60th birthday for some reason.

I bet his family would love to have you there. Go kill a 114 incher in his honor!

Solid advice from some guys here!

Kelly always spoke highly of you and wanted me to be there when you were down hunting, sorry we never got the chance to make it happen! Go Th Ohio and kill a big buck or take Morgan out and show her how Uncle Jay hunts! Shit shed a few tears in the camp or in Kelly’s favorite stand, couldn’t hurt!

Some real good comments! My first thought is what would Kelly say? He would say quite feeling sorry for yourself and go out and enjoy the hunt!! I am 100% sure he would want you to stop thinking of him and think of yourself and the ones still here. I am sure he will be with you every step of the way anyway!! Shawn

Jay: Kelly’s Dad needs a visit! Get er done! C

What Nick said!!! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

You're not going to replace Kelly. You're not going to make everything magically better, but if you're not there, I think things will be emptier for Morgan especially.

Share some "Kelly moments" and stories with the family. He lives on in your lives.

Hope you keep keeping on and continue your desire and fire for hunting with your friends and like others have said Kelly would be happy to continue the tradition. I know exactly what you mean about the jumping because I had 21 years of it myself my neck is starting to be a real pain lately. My wife used to always say it’s not the jumps it’s the landings and I think she is right haha. Good luck and I hope your season is great. Hit it!!!

The saying "time heals all wounds" is in fact true only most of the time. A few of those I have lost , the wound never really healed, over time and I'm talking decades, I was finally able to make friends with the pain. I hope in time you will also.

Everybody up top here nailed it... Kelly was a great presence here....do it for him.

Get out there

Hey all, so I went out this afternoon on my property. It was a nice time. I did see a doe and a fawn. I was really tempted to shoot the doe, and then the fawn showed up so I just watched. It was a beautiful sunset. Anyhow, I think that maybe I was misunderstood. I am going to keep hunting, I just don't know if I will be physically able to this year. I have been losing my draw due to neck related issues. I went to Laser Spine Institute this past Spring and had hoped that would have fixed it, but it didn't, so I was told that I need a fusion, C-4-5.... I also have a wicked rotator cuff tear which will need to be fixed as well. I am looking at about 7 months down between the two surgeries.... and that isn't even taking ion to account my hips and knees which are shot.. Geez, I feel so old. Today was my 40 year anniversary for joining the Army, and I am feeling every day of it right now. I am really bummed about this season though because I was going to dedicate it to Kelly. Right now I am afraid that I am so broken down that I may not be able to hunt. I did buy a crossbow, but I get no pleasure shooting it. I used to shoot a lot in the Army and using guns just doesn't seem sporting..... I know, crossbows aren't guns, but they sure feel a lot like one to me,, so I don't want to get in to it..... Anyhow, I am bummed because I love to hunt, and I wanted to dedicate this season to Kelly, and I fear that it isn't going to be the kind of season that Kelly would deserve to have dedicated to him... Does that make sense? And, you know,,, Kelly was hands down my best hunting partner.... And thinking about that just sucks..

By the way, not to talk crap, but shooting a gun isn't hard for me, or give me any pleasure.. This is just taking care of chicken coop nuisances. 54 yards with a pellet gun.

47 yards

35 yards

To me, using a bow is what challenges me.. I hope and pray that I can be fixed. Being relagated to having to use a gun or crossbow... Man, that sucks. Just saying

If you want it, you’ll get it back. I’m sure the mans honor you wished to do this in, would understand your situation.

If I were in your shoes, I’d get a hold of Morgan and Michelle, find out when they wanted to go, and focus on helping them enjoy their hunts if I couldn’t bear the other weapons.

Whatever you decide, God Bless brother.

I get it Jay. It'll be 10 years in Nov that my 10yr. old nephew got killed in a bicycle/truck accident a week & 1/2 before gun season opened. A friend & his teenage son were making the 650 mile drive and I'd been hunting their families land for over 20 years. I'd been bowhunting that fall,but just couldn't go. No drive, no desire. They say time heals all wounds, but nobody but you will know when it's time get back in the stand.

I hear what you are saying. Change can be just that.

You may not consider it, but with the physical and mental ailments you`re going through you could be experiencing with a bout of depression. For 15years straight I had a major orthopedic surgery every year. That grind takes a serious toll on you, mix in the death of a good friend and it could be a problem. The first thing to go is losing interest in things you used to love. It doesn`t mean you`re crazy or weak....you`re just in a low spot.

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