Contributors to this thread:
Hunting Memorable Accidents
Not what you imagine. I heard this today and hope you are eating right now. The fella was saying that him and his uncle were coming back from hunting in the snow in his pickup. The uncle was wearing a one piece overall with an attached hood. The uncle said we gotta stop!!! I really have to go!! It’s 20 degrees outside you’ll freeze your butt off. He was grabbing TP frantically and yelled stop now!! Off he ran and a few minutes latter back he came. As he opened the door the uncle said that was a close one. That would blown through a screen door at 10’. At that he flipped his hood over his head and you guessed it. It flew all over his head and neck. The driver slammed on the brakes and screamed get outta the truck!! He had to jump out too to keep from loosing his lunch. He said just retelling it and I get a lump in my throat. So the uncle got ride in the bed of the truck.
maybe it was the cold weather, not sure why defecating has to be so dramatic, especially outdoors...
might make for great advertising for one of the many adult diaper brands, should produce great sales in the major metro markets,,,those folks seem to thrive on poop and poop accessories
If you’ve never had to poop RIGHT NOW with long underwear, pants & shirt, and insulated coveralls on, then you simply can’t relate !
Amen there! Things go flying.
That story happened to a guide I used to use in Colorado. He had two old guys as clients, and one had to take a dump. Just lke your story, the guy accidentally shat in his jacket laying on the ground, and brought it back in the truck.
Why I hate hoods. Did manage to stain my 'hot seat' a time or two. And then there was the coyote that lived because he ran by while I was 'busy'...
A buddy of mine didn’t realize that he pooped on the strap of his bibs until I questioned what the extra camo was.
He felt kinda dumb and said so. I made it better by referring to him as Wily E. Coli
Does the bear 'poop' in the woods? Many of us old dogs can easily relate to the answer to that question. Always take some of the 'white' roll with you and never use local vegetation,ie, poison ivy! Alas, we were kids once.
LMAO @ orionsbrother! I’ll bet some ACME laundry detergent will take that stain right out ;-)
I just shat myself laughing ROTFFLMAO!!! I got to say it that's some funny shit.
I have run across a field shedding clothes as I went on at least one occasion. Safety harnesses are not your friend in such a situation!
Not hunting but I was a kid fishing with friends. We were wading a shallow trout river and casting spinners. One had to poo real bad and right now so he decided to simply drop his pants, point his butt upstream and let ‘er fly. He rinsed his butt in the river and was very proud of himself until he pulled up his pants and found out the entire load had drifted only a little downstream and into his tighty whities….
Holy Crap! I was in eastern Oregon hunting and decided to drive into the tiny town to fuel up and get a burger. About three in the morning I woke up dripping wet with sweat and a bomb about to explode in my guts. I tore out of that tent as fast as I could. Just me in my underwear heading for a the trees. Good ole food poisoning from that place. Never ate anything from there again
This thread reminds of Randy Newburg's story on his chili experience. That was a classic.....
When I saw the title of this thread I was going to tell the story of the time a tree stand broke and I fell and ended up with broken bones and had to make crutches out of sticks and hobble 2 miles out to my truck and then drive to the hospital but I guess that wasn't so bad ;-)
Mike......if you would have crapped your britches upon impact...that would have been a good one!
LMAO!! I didn’t know what this thread was about but I’m glad I clicked on it! I don’t know any long time hunter who hasn’t had an emergency call of nature while in the woods. Great stories and I totally agree that bid straps and hoods are the natural enemy of the unfortunate hunter making an “in the woods evacuation”.
I’ve had at least 3 “emergencies” where the pants barely made it down in the nick of time. One memorable time I was hunting in a neighbors grown over cow pasture and at the time he had a guy pushing out thorn trees, this was a Sunday and luckily the guy wasn’t working that day. I had stayed in the stand hoping that the urge would pass and at the fateful moment when I knew it wouldn’t I hopped down and start the agonizing butt clenched fast walk thinking I might get lucky and make it back to the house. Wrong! I made it as far as where the bulldozer was parked when I knew it was gonna happen. At this point the dozer was my only cover from the road so I dropped pants and had an explosion all over the back side track. I felt bad about it but figured the dozer had seen much worse.
I was on my last day of a 5 day hunt in a stand (climber) 25 feet up and just had to poop. I thought if I got down, my hunt was over. I figured that I was not hunting the side the wind was blowing and decided to poop off of the stand. I did, but I pooped all over my flashlight that I left at the bottom. Oh s--t does not begin to describe it. Now, we are far and away from hunting strategies, bow tech, etc. Let's talk about underwear, deodorant, socks, etc. No pictures please.
You haven't known 'hopeless' until you're in a bush plane at 1500' with no landing strip for many miles when the cramps grip you hard.
We were ice fishing way out on a lake many years ago. After a couple hours one of the guys suddenly declared he needed to go and asked for toilet paper. Of course nobody had any, so this guy struck out walking across the ice toward the parking area and public toilets. We told him they were probably closed for winter, but he had no choice. We kept fishing and forgot about him until somebody looked up and spotted him a couple hundred yards away. He was peeled down and crapping right out in the wide open on the ice. We instantly started laughing and yelling 'advice' at him. He just glared at us.
When he finished his business, he carefully pulled up his pants and stood up...then yelled at us. We were watching when he vigorously gave us 'the salute' with both hands....whereupon his feet went out from under him and he back-flopped right into the goodies. Of course we instantly died laughing and it only got funnier with time. Nobody could focus on fishing, and after the 4th or 5th laughing fit we had to quit. We finally headed home with our stinky-boy stripped to his long underwear and sitting on a blue tarp in the back seat.
It’s so much funnier when it happens to someone else. We were camped about 50 yds off a road one year. My wife refused to use the makeshift john we had so she sat off wandering around for that perfect spot. She had to be very secluded. Well apparently her sense of direction is very poor. She was sitting there in peace when a pickup drove by so close she could see the whites of their eyes. That same trip I found a perfect fallen tree that was split in half that I could straddle. What I didn’t know was there was a crack that when I sat down it got my butt cheek in there and the weight caused it to close with my cheek in it. I finally realized what an animal feels like in a trap. I was so far squatted down I couldn’t get my footing and if I tried to roll to one side it just got worse. I musta scared every elk in the area away from me sounding like a screaming coyote.
The stories keep getting better;)
LOL Kevin! I wasn't 1500' up in a bush plane, but one morning many years ago I was 18' up in my climber on opening morning when the cramps hit! It was opening day, just after sunrise so I suffered for about an hour until I could no longer take it! I debated whether I could safely crap out of my climber, and decided it was better to try to get back to the ground. Have you ever tried shimmying down a tree in your climber all the while attempting to "pinch off" the inevitable tidal wave that's about to "flow?!" I managed to get down to about 4' off the ground where I realized I was out of time and unhooked my safety line with one hand as I jumped to the ground, pulling my pants down with the other, as I hit the ground in one quick motion. When I hit, I immediately went into the pike position at which time I painted the bushes with the nastiest projectile fecal matter I have ever experienced! To this day, I don;t know how I managed to do it without getting any of it on me or my clothes!
LOL, when time is up, its up.
I've been pretty safe but where I elk hunt here in MB I only seem to get into elk every 4 or 5 days. Which gives you 1 or 2 good days in a season (for the amount of time I have to make it count. Nothing like being rifle range from 3 bulls sounding off when last night's Mountain House determines it is the time to exit.
I will say that over the last number of years I have determined that pooping while swimming is actually a very enjoyable way to get it done as long as you have something to hold on to. Rivers are best. I've flopped over the side of the boat a few times in the last couple summers. Quick and clean no paper needed.
I’ve done that while skin diving. Fish go crazy like Piranhas. Makes me rethink what they say that about fish being healthy food.
I was spending the day way up a poplar tree in my Tree Lounge. I had on bibs and suddenly had to go. I figured rather than climb down I would just swing the Tree Lounge around to the back of the tree. One thing about a Tree Lounge is you have plenty of room. It worked and I didn't poop on anything except the ground. Spent many days in that Tree Lounge but I am too old now.
Kevin, now that you mention it I almost crashed one time when I was flying my own plane because I had to crap so bad. I was on a trip somewhere and the urge suddenly hit me I had to scramble and find an airport close by to land at. I got on the ground and ran to the terminal to use the bathroom but it was closed and the door was locked. At that point my body thought it was going to get the crap very soon and there was no holding it back I looked around and there was a patch of bushes not far from the terminal I ran over there but didn't make it. Needless to say I had to fly home and change my britches. I ended up having to go to the chiropractor because I thought my back was out but it turns out I pulled muscles in my lower back and abdomen trying so hard to hold it back.
I was in New Mexico bowhunting the late season. A storm had dumped a good amount of snow & I was was working my way down from a plateau I had hunted tell near noon. A rock slide (boulders & snow) came crashing down all around me. I was hit in the forhead with something & it dropped me to my knees. I was on my hands & knees near passing out. My eyes were open (I think) but I could not see/focus. I just stsyed there for a few minutes until I could see & not dizzy. I stand up & these huge boulder are all around & the snow has covered everything.. I am like 1/2 mile from a dirt road & my truck. I soon realize I cannot tell what is solid rock/ground or a gigantic hole covered under the snow.. For nearly an hour I use my bow to poke into the snow & ease along. I get to where I can see my truck & I'm on a huge rock & the next one is to far away to reach & all the snow, I cannot tell if there is anything solid under it.. If I fall into one of these holes, I'm nort sure I would be able to get out (like 8 feet or more deep I'm guessing). I'm with a buddy but he has no idea where I am as he hunted out from camp. This is Jan... I figure that rock & my last place to exit is about 6 feet from me.. I decide to "jump" to it. No run & jump, just jump. I throw my pack over the rock & toss my bow too. Trust me, my heart was racing. I was in my late 30s & in great shape then. I hope if I'm short I can grab onto something to keep me from going under. I was going to take some cloths off but thought If I go into the hole I'll need them. Anyway, I said a prayer & jumped for all I was worth. I "barely" made it. I finally got to camp & my buddy said WTH happened to you. I was covered in blood from whatever had hit me in the forhead.. I had not even noticed. One other time, in Colorado, Elk hunt, alone, I was driving in my 4x4 truck. It had snowed & when I hit the 4x4 road (clay) it was like grease. If anyone has driven on wet/snow covered clay, you know. Worse than ice. Anyway, I slid into the ditch. No problem, I have 4 wheel. So, I'm driving "in the ditch" slow, looking for a spot I can drive back up when I hear this big Clang. I get out & see a rock has hit my transmission pan & knocked a bolt off. All my tranny fluid leaks out.. I'm in a near blizzard a 40+ miles from the nearest town & my "tent" camp. I know there is a logger outfit about 15 miles away toward my camp & the little Mtn town. I gather a coat, Sleeping bag & my battery operated tape recorder. I start walking & it is near blizzard conditions. I talked into that recorder to my 10 year old son back home in the midwest (I had lived on this mountain, in a tent for 6 months working for a road building/tree cutting outfit) They had just finished up for the season due to weather. Anyway. No cell phones in those days. I talked into that recorder because I figured I was going to die that night. Well, I made the logger camp & there was ONE guy still there that was pulling out in the morning. I slept sitting on his bench with my head on his table & was thankful for that... 2 instances I though I was not going to see the next sunrise.. So all you guys crapping on yourself, phew... I have one more but I won't bore you... Pic is when I spent 6 months on a Colorado mtn. in a tent. I never saw another person the first 6 weeks I was there. Entirley alone. Now, I know why the Mtn men of those frontier days were so strange... It definatly a life changer...
This is the Legend of Chitsock Creek. My brother and I went backpack elk hunting in SW Colorado in 1996. Midday on day 2 of the 7 day hunt I realized I forgot my toilet paper as I was digging in my pack for a way to wipe. Found a spare pair socks in a zip lock bag to change midday if my feet got sweaty or wet. I completed the task at hand and said to myself "These are a brand new pair of socks I'm not throwing them away" so I carefully folded them up and returned them to the bag. I stashed them in the 2 man tent that night went out to hunt the next morning. I was out all day until returning that evening. As I entered the tent I smelled the stench. I said to my brother who was changing out of his camo with one boot off. "Your feet stink..... and hey those are my socks!!!" He had come back to camp at midday to change his wet socks after soaking the crossing the yet unnamed creek.....and "borrowed" my soiled pair in the ziplock bag from the day before. He hiked around the rest of trip in the boots now fully impregnated with the stench. He threw those boots away at the first gas station we stopped at.
I've learned several things through the years regarding this subject.
1. I don't drink coffee before a morning hunt
2. If I have TP in my pack I never have to go
3. If no TP I will need to go, lost many shirt sleeves, top of socks, and underwear
4. If I feel the urge, might as well get down and let her go
5. Once the launch sequence has started you cannot abort
6. It's never a solid satisfying experience while hunting, always spray paint or sludge
7. No matter how much TP you have, it's not enough.
I'm sure I'm missing some.....
One morning my hunting partner and I were in the middle of a herd of elk, as in, cows all around us while waiting for the herd bull to work into range. Suddenly, with no warning, I had to GO. I was kneeling beside a small spruce and dropped and flopped as subtly as I could, considering there were two cows feeding about 20 yards away. Somehow I managed to execute the deed without spooking the cows, but had to finish out the encounter (we never got a shot at the bull) with my pants around my knees.
Twenty five years later, I still hear about that one..
Back in the day, my first wife had an emergency on her rifle elk hunt. She ended up shooting a cow while on the log with her pants around her ankles.
Gunny, so true on all items. On the #6, I always wondered why. I figured it was nerves/excitement of the hunt.
I never had any bad experiences per se. The closest I could come was sitting on what I thought was a safe limb attached to a bigger log and dropping one. After laying the eggs, I felt the limb sag and enter the "fixin to break" mode. I was lucky enough to get some forward momentum going before the limb gave away. No harm, no foul.....but if I had fallen backwards into the pile I just dropped, that had ugly written all over it. I guess that was nature's way of saying to stop crapping on me.
Makes me recall just why I am always careful what I eat or drink just before and during hunts!
I thought I remember hearing about someone on Bowsite eating chicken salad or something like that and having an emergency. Don't specifically remember who that was, but maybe he will chime in :)
In a tree stand one Friday or Saturday, had sat there all day. It was sometime in the evening. The urge hit me. I took some TP out of my pack and climbed down, walked over the hill a ways and let it go. Climbed back up. About 30 minutes to an hour later some does and fawns came in. Shortly after the urge hit me again. I had deer about 50 yards away, and no time to climb down. I had no choice. Unhooked my leg straps, dropped my pants and hung over the side of the stand. Luckily didn’t get any on me or my stand. The deer ran off….. went back to that stand on Monday and ended up killing a deer….
Got out late one morning, parked on top of the quarry and made the plan for my sister in law, well then it hit. I hadda go. Bad. Breakfast was knocking. So I dropped em, did the deed got pants up and out came a doe. Grabbed the gun and shot her. Staged her up to the truck sister in law made her way out and slipped coming thru the quarry….right into my pile. All over her huntin coat…..damn coyotes had the diarrhea again. Hahahahaha
I have dropped the 'Brown Bomber' out a treestand before. But it has been a while.
I had the urge hit on opening evening of archery season a few years back. Tried my best to hold it off but it became clear that wasn’t gonna happen. I began scanning around for a log as I worked to get my wipes from my pack. I rushed down the ladder of my stand and dropped my safety harness as I quickly duck walked over to the log about 10 yards from my stand. Everything came out just fine and all was good. I covered everything over with leaves and climbed back in my stand to finish the hunt. Just as the sun began to set I caught a glimpse of a coyote coming down the ridge in front of me and over the end of the point just to my left. I can only assume he got a whiff of of the fresh pile because he stopped and looked my way about 35 yards out with the pile between us. He then came on my direction and began to circle, offering me a 10 yard shot. Always be ready after taking care of business, ya never know what you might lure in!
This is the a woods story but a "hunting" story in a fary away land that was hot and sandy. One of my guys had to take a crap while we were under fire, he tried to shit out of the door stoop we were huddled in and caught a round thru both ass cheeks.
Ouch! Did he at least get the business done first?
We were hunting p-dogs in SW Kansas and I had the urge, nothing to do but find a cottonwood and no paper so a brown cotton glove worked and left it lay. Later in the day a couple buddies came through and one "retrieved" my brown cotton glove. Please don't remind the fella from Spearville.
Did my business off my stand one morning and thought it went rather well, but I didn't realize that a loop of my parachord haul line was hanging down under my stand and it got caught in the crossfire.
I didn't realize it was hit till I was letting my bow down and cleaned my haul line off with my gloves.
Sheep hunting last month I had a grizz sow with two cubs pop up at 30 yards on the knife ridge I was on while my pants were around my ankles. Fortunately I hadn't started yet, but for some reason, pulled up my pants BEFORE going for my bear spray. A tense standoff is much more tense when your pants are around your ankles.
Many decades ago I had one of those old time heavy steel climbing stands. I was about 20 feet up a nice smooth poplar tree before light in the morning. It was shogun season in Delaware. I had my lunch and a quart of coffee in a thermos. As soon as it got light it started freezing rain. by noon every thing was covered with ice. Bucks were chasing does all over but I couldn't get a clear shot. Just before dark the rain had changed to snow. A big doe came right by my stand and an 8 point buck right behind her. I dropped the buck in is tracks just a few yards from my tree. I undid my safety belt and put my arms around the tree. I lifted my feet to break the foot rest from the tree. I then went straight down the tree to the bottom. I was still in one piece but thank goodness for my heavy jacket and only had skinned up wrists. I gutted the deer right there and hooked up a rope over a limb and backed my truck close enough to the deer to pull it up about five feet off the ground. I went back the next morning and the guts were gone but deer tracks every where. I stood on the stand just off the ground and killed a mature doe with an arrow tipped with a Jak hammer. I tagged both deer. I was right on the Delaware Maryland line and checked the doe on Maryland and the buck in Delaware. The doe ran about 50 yards and was well into Maryland when it fell. I don't climb trees during an ice storm any longer. I was much younger in those good old days. I owned the property and always had licenses in both states.
Heard this story on the radio years ago about the worst first date.
A young couple is out for a drive on a cold night. The girl has to stop to pee and no place in sight.
So the date says just go outside we will use the truck door for cover.
She did, but alas butt cheeks or something more sensitive got stuck to the truck door.
Well only one way to get someone off of a cold surface, hot liquid.
Again since nothing was around for miles, no thermos in the truck...
Yeah he had to pee on his date to get her loose.
Last I had heard they had been married for decades since that date.
When you gotta go, you gotta go.