Humor break, anyone?
General Topic
Contributors to this thread:
DanaC 14-Jan-22
Bou'bound 14-Jan-22
tobywon 14-Jan-22
2Wild Bill 14-Jan-22
JL 14-Jan-22
Casekiska 14-Jan-22
LINK 14-Jan-22
Old School 14-Jan-22
Boreal 14-Jan-22
trublucolo 14-Jan-22
smarba 14-Jan-22
Bou'bound 14-Jan-22
Medicinemann 14-Jan-22
tobywon 14-Jan-22
Inshart 14-Jan-22
t-roy 14-Jan-22
jl223 14-Jan-22
DanaC 14-Jan-22
deerhunter72 14-Jan-22
Woods Walker 15-Jan-22
deerhunter72 15-Jan-22
trublucolo 17-Jan-22
DanaC 17-Jan-22
smarba 17-Jan-22
JohnMC 17-Jan-22
Medicinemann 17-Jan-22
Woods Walker 17-Jan-22
Grey Ghost 17-Jan-22
Woods Walker 17-Jan-22
JohnMC 17-Jan-22
Basil 17-Jan-22
Woods Walker 17-Jan-22
JL 18-Jan-22
JohnMC 18-Jan-22
Bake 18-Jan-22
Matt 18-Jan-22
Inshart 18-Jan-22
Woods Walker 18-Jan-22
Al Dente Laptop 18-Jan-22
scentman 18-Jan-22
Screwball 18-Jan-22
kevo 18-Jan-22
DanaC 19-Jan-22
DanaC 19-Jan-22
WV Mountaineer 19-Jan-22
Coyote 65 19-Jan-22
JohnMC 19-Jan-22
foxbo 19-Jan-22
DanaC 20-Jan-22
skull 20-Jan-22
DanaC 20-Jan-22
DanaC 21-Jan-22
Shuteye 21-Jan-22
tobywon 21-Jan-22
Scoot 21-Jan-22
70lbDraw 21-Jan-22
azelkhntr 21-Jan-22
smarba 21-Jan-22
foxbo 21-Jan-22
AZ8 21-Jan-22
scentman 21-Jan-22
Gunny 21-Jan-22
AZ8 21-Jan-22
TD 22-Jan-22
DanaC 22-Jan-22
DanaC 22-Jan-22
Fuzzy 22-Jan-22
BullBuster 22-Jan-22
BullBuster 22-Jan-22
t-roy 22-Jan-22
Whocares 22-Jan-22
foxbo 22-Jan-22
foxbo 22-Jan-22
trublucolo 22-Jan-22
t-roy 22-Jan-22
JohnMC 22-Jan-22
t-roy 22-Jan-22
tobywon 22-Jan-22
grape 23-Jan-22
Woods Walker 23-Jan-22
Beendare 23-Jan-22
lewis 23-Jan-22
lewis 23-Jan-22
From: DanaC
14-Jan-22

DanaC's Link
How NOT to shoot a deer ;-)

From: Bou'bound
14-Jan-22
Bring it on

From: tobywon
14-Jan-22
That was funny, thanks for sharing.

From: 2Wild Bill
14-Jan-22
Funny yes.

Some years back I watched two cops put three handgun rounds in a dying raccoon in the backyard behind mine, and knew instantly that neither one of them was a hunter.

From: JL
14-Jan-22
That was funny.

From: Casekiska
14-Jan-22
Supposedly a true story.....Our county sheriff's dept gets a call a deer has been hit by a car on an rural road and the deer is suffering,...needs to be put out of its misery. A new Deputy is dispatched to do so. He arrives at the scene and sees a small deer standing in the ditch looking like it had had better days. He draws his weapon and dispatches the deer with a single bullet between the eyes. Then the motorist who hit the deer points and says,..."Why'd you do that? The deer I hit is laying over here!"

From: LINK
14-Jan-22
Reminds me of when I was 16. I was out checking my trap line and came across some older girls I went to school with. They had just hit a buck with their car and brokerage bucks back. They were all like we have to do something. I got my 22 rifle out and put it to the deers head, got back in the truck and left. They were just like what the heck just happened.

From: Old School
14-Jan-22
Buddy of mine was driving out to bowhunt with me a few years back during the first week of November. As he’s driving out to our spot a spike chasing a doe runs across the road and directly into the side of his truck. Deer rolls into the ditch and is loudly bleating and squalling. Oncoming vehicle stops and a man and woman get out. They are both sipping on coffee and are shocked by the deers distress and loud bleating. The woman loudly exclaims “well do something for the poor deer.” My buddy gets his bow out of the back seat and sticks an arrow right behind the front shoulder. The woman shrieks “not that!!!” and runs back to the vehicle. Her husband shrugs his shoulders and helps my buddy throw the deer into the back of his truck.

We meet up for lunch at our parking spot and I see thislittle broke up spike in the back of his truck with a perfectly placed shot behind the front shoulder. We were only shooting “mounters” that week. I think to myself no way he shot that thing, maybe he hit it with his truck, but there’s not a scratch on his truck. About that time he walks up and says “did you see my hog there in the back?” And then proceeds to tell me the story.

From: Boreal
14-Jan-22
Buddy of mine is a state tropper. He's not an outdoorsman. The first call he got to dispatch an injured deer he wound shooting 7 times in the body. He said the driver of the car was yelling at him to shoot it in the head

From: trublucolo
14-Jan-22
Boreal, sounds like the don’t teach body anatomy and the difference between a kill shot and a crippling shot at the academy there lol.

From: smarba
14-Jan-22
Good stuff, we can use more humor on Bowsite these days. Keep it coming!

From: Bou'bound
14-Jan-22
He thought he was just tazing it but used his handgun instead

From: Medicinemann
14-Jan-22
An elderly couple is celebrating their 50th anniversary by going out to dinner. Since they are both in their 70's, they have hearing loss and talk rather loud. They are sitting at their table, and have just finished their meal. The old man says to his wife "Hey, you want to go back to that field where we had sex for the first time, and celebrate our 50th together?" His wife says "Sure, let's do it." Unbeknown to them, a younger couple sitting at an adjacent table, couldn't help but overhear this entire conversation. Since they are just finishing their meal as well, the young guy says to his girlfriend "Are you in the mood to watch some 70 year old porn?" The girlfriend laughs and say "Heck yeah, let's do it!" The younger couple waits for the older pair to leave, pays their bill, and then leaves. They discreetly follow the elderly couple that has driven way out in the boondocks. They watch as the old couple holds hands as they walk across this big field. When they get to the fence at the far edge of the field, grandma hikes up the back of her skirt, and grandpa gets behind her. As soon as they make contact, grandpa becomes a sex machine....and for thirty minutes, this younger couple is amazed as this elderly pair is rocking the world. Eventually, the old couple collapses on the ground. The young woman says "My God, I think they're dead!" The young guy says "No, I can see them breathing." After a few more minutes, the old man finally gets up, helps his wife to her feet, and they hold hands as they start to return to their vehicle. The young man, so impressed with the old guys virility, tells his girlfriend that he has GOT to learn the old man's secret. He gets out of the vehicle and proceeds to start walking across the field. As he approached the older couple, he asks the old man if he can speak to him in private. The old man leaves his wife, and walks over to the young man. The young man admits that he and his girlfriend had watched the entire encounter, and he wanted to know what the old man's secret was, for such endurance at his age. The old man looks down at the ground with an "Aw shucks" kind of look on his face, and says to the young man....."Fifty years ago, that fence wasn't electric."

From: tobywon
14-Jan-22
Hilarious Jake, I'm stealing that one!! Thanks for the laugh guys!!

From: Inshart
14-Jan-22
True Story:

Several years ago I was dispatched to a car deer accident - no injuries but the deer was still alive, laying in the ditch.

Upon arrival I met with a young couple (late teens, early 20's), driving an older van with hand painted strange pictures all over it. They both had gothic make up on - black around both eyes, black lipstick (real thick and over exaggerated), nose rings, eyelid rings, tongue piercing, etc., etc..

They said the person that hit the deer left and did not want it, could they have it. "Sure, I'll dispatch it and write you out a possession tag." She screamed that they wanted it alive so they could take care of it.

As I turned towards the ditch, I nicely advised them that wasn't going to happen and that I was not going to allow the deer to suffer any longer. The girl began to cry. I advised them if they didn't want to see what was going to happen they should look the other way and that I would help them load it in their van in a couple minutes.

They jumped in their van (she was still crying) and left.

From: t-roy
14-Jan-22
No prom invites after that, LINK??

From: jl223
14-Jan-22
Been in this situation a few times with banged up deer minus that many spectators, had a small spotted fawn once and figured I would just choke it out with my boot. Little S.O.B. kicked me in the chin so hard I had a tiny hoof print tattooed on me for a week.

From: DanaC
14-Jan-22

DanaC's embedded Photo
DanaC's embedded Photo

From: deerhunter72
14-Jan-22
Thanks for the laughs!

From: Woods Walker
15-Jan-22
An oldie........

3 guys are sitting in a bar having a few beers. They start talking about what their most painful experience in the world is.

The first guy was a carpenter, and he said, "For me, the most painful thing was hitting my thumb with the hammer the SECOND time!"

The second guy was a dentist, and he explained that, "The most painful thing in his opinion was drilling a cavity and hitting a nerve on someone who DIDN'T want to take Novocain! I've had them jump out of the chair!"

They all agreed that was pretty darn painful, and then the third guy, who was an old rancher, said this.....

"Well, I can for sure tell you what the SECOND most painful thing is. One time I was out riding fence, and the chili I had the night before was wanting to do a quick exit. I jumped off my horse and got my pants down just in time, but what I didn't know what that I'd squatted over a coyote trap. My plumbing hit the trap pan and it jumped up and clamped right on everything!"

The other guys winced and said, "WOW! That is unbelievable! But you said it was the second most painful thing. What could be more painful than that?!!?"

The old rancher took a swallow of beer, looked down at the table and said....."When I hit the end of that chain..."

From: deerhunter72
15-Jan-22
Thanks for the laughs!

From: trublucolo
17-Jan-22
"Thanking my Sponsors"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AC0UCVzJAZs

From: DanaC
17-Jan-22

DanaC's embedded Photo
DanaC's embedded Photo
As some are shoveling out...

From: smarba
17-Jan-22
A guy drives into a small town and walks into a saloon. The locals appear to be hicks, but he wants a beer so sits at the bar and orders.

The locals on each side cast him sideways glances, finally one speaks up "what brings you to these parts?" He replies "I'm a taxidermist heading over for a show in the big city".

After a while the hick asks "what's a taxeedermist?"

The guy replies "well, I mount animals."

The local elbows his buddy and declares "well heck, he's one of us!!"

From: JohnMC
17-Jan-22
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?

Rick O’Shea

From: Medicinemann
17-Jan-22
What do you call Irish outdoor lawn furniture? Patty O'furniture. (patio furniture).

From: Woods Walker
17-Jan-22
Why does Irish chili have only 239 beans in it?

Because one more would make it "too fardy".

From: Grey Ghost
17-Jan-22
A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Father O'Grady after mass.

He says: "So what's bothering you?"

She replies: "Oh, Father, I've terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says: "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Did he have any last requests?"

"Certainly father," she replied. "He said: "Please Mary, put down that damn gun."

Matt

From: Woods Walker
17-Jan-22
https://youtu.be/T7IflFXJEwk Blonde Antelope

From: JohnMC
17-Jan-22
What did the Bra say to the Hat?

You go on a head. I'll give these two a lift.

From: Basil
17-Jan-22
In high school I was taking my girl on a date when we found a horribly busted up deer in the ditch. She was sobbing that I had to do something to help it. I told her I would move it somewhere more safe and comfortable. I moved it just out of sight where I pulled out my pocket knife & mercifully ended her suffering. I went back to the car & told her the deer was going to be just fine. The rest of the night went well.

From: Woods Walker
17-Jan-22
The girl I dated in college in that situation would have asked if it was still good to eat....and that's why we've been married for 46 years!

From: JL
18-Jan-22

JL's embedded Photo
JL's embedded Photo
Gotta love this guy......he should be a stand up comic.

From: JohnMC
18-Jan-22
I saw a microbiologist today.

He was much bigger than I expected.

From: Bake
18-Jan-22
(told in thick Irish accent)

Paddy and Seamus are two brothers who farm together, and who decide to each buy a pig.

They get the pigs home, and start worrying about how to tell the pigs apart. So Paddy says, "It's easy. We'll cut the tail off my pig, and that way we'll be able to tell the pigs apart." So they do that.

The next day Seamus runs up and says "Paddy! Your pig bit my pigs tail off. Now we got two pigs with no tails! How are we gonna tell these two pigs apart?!"

Paddy says "No problem, we'll cut an ear off my pig." So they did.

Next day Seamus runs up "Paddy!! Your pig bit my pig's ear off! How are we gonna tell these two pigs apart?!"

Paddy says "Aw, we'll just cut the other ear off my pig." So they did.

Next day, Seamus runs up, "Paddy!! Your pig bit my pigs other ear off. Now we got two pigs with no ears and no tails! How are we gonna tell these two pigs apart."

Paddy says "I'll tell you what. You take the white one and I'll take the black one."

From: Matt
18-Jan-22
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam

From: Inshart
18-Jan-22
I'm telling a group of guys a story that my uncle told me many years ago:

My uncle always like to work on projects in his garage but their was a small "ankle biter" dog kept coming in and would run off with a tool. He always kept the garage door open to facilitate a breeze.

The dog was sneaky and quick - several times my uncle, unsuccessfully, tried to catch it. He was a dog lover but became extremely frustrated. One day he waited for it and finally caught it.

He took an oil can ---- ((Some of you older guys will remember those old, small copper oil cans that had a long pointed end -- you used your thumb and could put a drop of oil exactly where you wanted it.)) --- and put some gas in it.

He put the point up the dogs butt and gave it a few good squirts of gas and let it out of his garage.

The dog ran in circles for a couple minutes, tipped over and just laid there.

One of the older guys wide eyed looked at me and asked if the dog was dead.

I told him, "No, it just ran out of gas"

From: Woods Walker
18-Jan-22

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo

18-Jan-22
A man goes in for his annual prostate examination and asks the Dr. where he should put his pants. The Dr. responds, on the floor next to mine.

From: scentman
18-Jan-22
John Kerry walks into a bar, bartender asks... why the long face?

From: Screwball
18-Jan-22
True Story: I am going to college have a couple exchanges with a full blown PETA member that has done the whole march stuff in New York etc. She is on her way into school, she drives, and hits a doe. She is trying to sooth it, as it flails and paws at her. State Patrol officer arrives on the scene and tell her to step aside so he can dispatch the deer. She proceeds to assault the officer. He cuffs her, lays her ion the grass in ditch, turns around and shoots the deer twice. She then proceeded to jail and had to post bond. Great times in class the next while. In speech class she got up and left as I explained how effective broadheads where in causing blood loss and hemorrhaging. I had made a board with a hole in it surgical tubing stretched across it. Then I demonstrated its slicing ability and how this led to quick death. She left very upset and sick.

From: kevo
18-Jan-22
Another true story. I worked with a guy that was about 20 yr's older than me. We'd visit about various things from time to time & the subject of the prostate exam came up. Anyway, I think I said, "have you ever had a Dr. stick his finger up your rear end & check your "thing""? His response was classic, and I quote, "Yes, but I didn't like it"! I doubled over laughing.

From: DanaC
19-Jan-22

DanaC's embedded Photo
DanaC's embedded Photo

From: DanaC
19-Jan-22

DanaC's Link
"Why don't you glue some cotton balls to my a..."

19-Jan-22
The 4th little piggy holds a special place in my heart.

From: Coyote 65
19-Jan-22
A dung beetle walks into a bar. Asks the bar tender, "is this stool taken?"

Terry

From: JohnMC
19-Jan-22
I have two unwritten rules:

1)

2)

From: foxbo
19-Jan-22
I think most of the above posters are suffering from the dickie-do disease. That's when their bellies stick out further than their dickies-do.

From: DanaC
20-Jan-22

DanaC's embedded Photo
DanaC's embedded Photo

From: skull
20-Jan-22

skull's embedded Photo
skull's embedded Photo
Reality

From: DanaC
20-Jan-22

DanaC's embedded Photo
DanaC's embedded Photo

From: DanaC
21-Jan-22

DanaC's embedded Photo
DanaC's embedded Photo

From: Shuteye
21-Jan-22
when I was a kid, the local doctor was Dr. Dick. His wife's name was Aphelia. That is true, his last name was Dick and her first name was Aphelia.

From: tobywon
21-Jan-22
That would be as good of a reason to keep your maiden name I guess...lol

From: Scoot
21-Jan-22
Shuteye, my little sister went to school with a guy whose last name was Bahls. His grandpa's name... you guessed it... Harry.

From: 70lbDraw
21-Jan-22
Why would they never allow Hellen Keller to have a driver’s license?

Because, she was a woman!

From: azelkhntr
21-Jan-22

azelkhntr's embedded Photo
azelkhntr's embedded Photo

From: smarba
21-Jan-22
3 guys always got together for an annual elk hunt. As fall approached they got together and began planning for their trip. One of the guys says "sorry, my wife won't let me go this year."

The other 2 are sitting around the fire in elk camp the evening before opening day. Their 3rd buddy pulls up in his pickup truck. They are surprised "We thought your wife wouldn't let you join us this year?"

He replies "Well, I was sitting in front of the TV moping and my wife came into the room wearing a slinky outfit. She said 'tie me up and do whatever you want'....so here I am."

From: foxbo
21-Jan-22

foxbo's embedded Photo
foxbo's embedded Photo

From: AZ8
21-Jan-22
That Stone Henge meme is hilarious!

From: scentman
21-Jan-22
70lb, that's pretty edgy.

From: Gunny
21-Jan-22
70lb draw, I almost choked on my beer! That kind of humor is right up my alley! Still laughing!

From: AZ8
21-Jan-22

AZ8's embedded Photo
AZ8's embedded Photo

From: TD
22-Jan-22

TD's embedded Photo
TD's embedded Photo

From: DanaC
22-Jan-22

DanaC's embedded Photo
DanaC's embedded Photo

From: DanaC
22-Jan-22

DanaC's embedded Photo
DanaC's embedded Photo

From: Fuzzy
22-Jan-22
I know this guy who went bowhunting on Kodiak Island with a recurve bow and only took 5 arrows...........

From: BullBuster
22-Jan-22

BullBuster's embedded Photo
BullBuster's embedded Photo

From: BullBuster
22-Jan-22

BullBuster's embedded Photo
BullBuster's embedded Photo

From: t-roy
22-Jan-22

t-roy's embedded Photo
t-roy's embedded Photo

From: Whocares
22-Jan-22
TD, that was so bad I almost spit my Saturday morning Baileys and coffee!!

From: foxbo
22-Jan-22

foxbo's embedded Photo
foxbo's embedded Photo

From: foxbo
22-Jan-22

foxbo's embedded Photo
foxbo's embedded Photo

From: trublucolo
22-Jan-22
TD with the unexcusable, t-Roy with reality…… I feel like I just got slapped twice for opening this thread.

From: t-roy
22-Jan-22

t-roy's embedded Photo
t-roy's embedded Photo
That guy should have been shot!…

From: JohnMC
22-Jan-22

JohnMC's embedded Photo
JohnMC's embedded Photo

From: t-roy
22-Jan-22
^^^^John. That one reminds of the government recalling the Hillary Clinton stamps they issued, several years ago. People complained that it wouldn’t stick.

Turns out, there was nothing wrong with the adhesive. They found out people were spitting on the wrong side….

From: tobywon
22-Jan-22
Just be glad it’s not a forever stamp!!!

From: grape
23-Jan-22
Thanks boys. Made my morning coffee and reading a great way to start the day.

From: Woods Walker
23-Jan-22

Woods Walker's embedded Photo
Woods Walker's embedded Photo
An oldie but still funny......

From: Beendare
23-Jan-22
You’ve probably heard this one, from my Alaskan buddy;

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper..."Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other.One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first. "The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens sadly. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the really great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow!”

From: lewis
23-Jan-22

lewis's embedded Photo
lewis's embedded Photo
Know this feeling Lewis

From: lewis
23-Jan-22

lewis's embedded Photo
lewis's embedded Photo
Good luck all Lewis

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