https://www.facebook.com/reel/3278192999064331?fs=e&s=TIeQ9V&mibextid=0NULKw
To the first mother, (from Ontario) Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second Mom, (from Manitoba) Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.”
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce (from BC): "Your obsession is alcohol. This shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother, (from Newfoundland) Carol, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.
That is hilarious!
When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
The honorable mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger The chef's claim was approved.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
A man walked into a Dallas City, Illinois Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The frustrated gunman walked away.
[A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
Remember...They Walk Among Us They Can Reproduce And They Vote!
He is searching for a FIGURATIVE meaning, and apparently … so are you. :)
Best music video ever, even has hunting scenes in it...
7 Worst Home Defense Mistakes...................................
Defending your home and family from an invader can be overwhelming and stressful for anyone. In the heat of the moment, costly mistakes are often made, leaving you open to physical or legal harm. Avoiding such mistakes can help you keep yourself and your family safe in even the most intense emergency scenarios.
The Babylon Bee consulted with firearms experts and ChatGPT to compile some of the most common mistakes that are made in home defense situations:
1. Failing to put up a gun-free zone sign: Peer-reviewed studies show that 1,200% of armed robberies could be prevented if everyone put up one of these signs!
2. Thinking your 14-year-old yorkie Sargeant Pickles will protect you: He's blind in one eye and riddled with arthritis, for crying out loud!
3. Letting the criminal bend your shotgun barrel and point it at your face: This is even worse than letting the robber render your gun useless by sticking his finger in the barrel.
4. Failing to ask the intruder's pronouns before firing: The last thing you want to do is misgender the perp when you call the police.
5. Using crane style when everyone knows tiger style is better for close quarters: Choosing the wrong fighting style can really put you at a disadvantage.
6. Not having a 30-round fully-semi-automatic folding magazine clip: Those things are deadly! Just ask the experts on CNN!
7. Asking the robber to wait while you go open your gun safe, take off the trigger lock, go get your ammo that's stored in a different location, load, and aim: Extensive studies show home intruders are unwilling to accommodate this request.
