Contributors to this thread:
This is for the birds.....
So I am driving the backroads just looking for some flocks (season is just less than two months away) and I am not driving very fast. I am on a rather sinuous road and I look in my rear view mirror, and I have a NYS Trooper behind me. I go around the next curve, and there is a flock of turkeys standing in the middle of the road. I hit the brakes....HARD....but I still hit a gobbler and flip him over the roof of my truck. He lands on the troopers windshield......and shattered it into a million pieces (but it is safety glass, so it doesn't hit the officer). NOW the trooper turns on his lights and pulls me over......he gave me a ticket for making an obscene gesture......claiming that I flipped him the bird. Sorry, that's the best I got for a Saturday morning......
So a young girl that is flying for the first time, gets on an air[plane and heads back to her seat. As she is preparing to sit down, the gentleman seated beside her asks if she would like to talk for a while, before she starts to read a book that she brought with her. She says that would be fine.....so he introduces himself as "John" and states that he is an atheist. He asks that young girl if she knows what that means.....and she says "Yes, that is a person that doesn't believe in God, heaven or hell". The girl then says that before they start their conversation, she has a question for John, to which he quickly says "What is your question?" The girl says "Deer, horses, and cows all eat grass.....right?" John nods his head in agreement. Then girl continues...."OK, they all eat grass, but deer poop in pellets, horses poop in clumps, and cows poop in patties......Why is that ?" John is obviously surprised by such a though provoking question from a relatively young girl, and he replies "Great question.....but I have no idea...".......to which the young girl then replies "How are we going to talk about God, Heaven, and Hell.....when you don't know sh*t?"
Jake, sounds like you have a bad case of cabin fever!!!!!!!
That is some funny stuff right there!
The world's shortest joke:
A baby seal walks into a club.....
Lol ?? sounds like a crown royal evening go to bed ?? Jake. Lewis
How much do pirates get paid to wear earrings?
Why do elephants wear tennies?
Elevenies are too big and nineies are too small.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says "in my 40 years of running a bar I have never had a weasel walk in here this is a treat, what can I get you sir" pop goes the weasel. Lmao.
A pirate is on the helm of his mighty ship when 2 ships of the British navy appear. "Arr....fetch me my red pants" he cries out to his first mate. They fight off the British and live to pirate another day. The first mate asks the captain, "Why did you ask for your red pants when we saw the British Navy?" The captain replied "Arrr....If I be wounded in battle the crew won't see me blood on my pants and lose heart."
The next day the captain is again at the helm when 6 ships of the British Navy appear. He cries out to his first mate "Arrr....fetch me my brown pants!"
Horse walks in to a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Got home from work this afternoon. Wife is complaining about the splinters she got from the broom. I told her to take the car next time.
^^^ And that is how the fight started^^^^
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
I need to get my drink on and then come back to this thread
A pirate and a sailor were sharing a pint of grog when the sailor became curious as to how the pirate came to have a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. The sailor, overcome by curiosity asked the pirate how he got the peg leg. The pirate replied, "Arrr, I went overboard and lost a fight with a shark." The sailor then asked how the pirate came to lose his hand. The pirate replied, "Arrr, twas in a battle with Black beard and lost it in a vicious sword fight." The sailor then asked the pirate if that was also when he lost his eye. The pirate replied "Arrr, no, one day I be up on deck and a seagull shat in me eye!" The sailor replied that it was not as impressive a story as the other two to which the pirate replied "Aye...but it was the first day with me hook!"
Well I was driving down the road, and I looked over to the side of the road, and there was a hen turkey, laying flat. I thought maybe I had hit her, but by the time I could get out of my truck, this Tom guy came by and pumped her up and off they went!
Have a great bowhunt.