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Wife's bad luck so far

So after a few years of telling my wife details of the deer activity I saw in the woods she decided to give hunting a try. Her dad and brother did it but she was never included as it was a "guys only" thing apparently. I used to do Late Muzzleloader here in Iowa but quit a few years ago when I started bowhunting. She went one year, maybe two days and said screw this it's too cold. I talked her into an Early Muzzleloader tag which starts in mid october if she was serious about shooting something. Her first year, after passing a few smaller bucks, she shot a doe dead center through the heart. Her second year she shot a small 8 pointer again right through the heart. I swear she's a better shot than I am I think. After listening to me talk about the rut she decided she wanted to try bowhunting. So last year we went to the pro shop and got her set up with a Mission Craze II. She shot pretty well right away and continued to improve all summer. We struggled to get her in places with close enough shots most the year and she ended up missing on a decent 8 the last night she went out before it got too cold for her. Fast forward to this year. We have two young boys, 2 yr and 4mos. She doesn't feel comfortable going alone yet so the number of times we can get a babysitter is limited. She's been out probably 8-10 times this year. She's been seeing deer but nothing inside 40 yards yet. I've passed on some really nice 8s and 4 10 pointers already this year not including all the spikes and smaller bucks. I don't even tell her the bucks I pass on anymore because it just frustrates her more as 90% of the walk inside 30 yards for me. Yesterday, 11/10, was the first time she decided to try hunting alone. I hunted another timber about 8 miles away. I had her hunt this one as it's close to the road and I had camera pics of 4 does and a decent buck the last 4 days in a row. I got in my stand and I get a call. I thought great she got one already! Nope. She's balling. She's walking all over the woods (11 acres) and deer are running around and she can't find the stand. I try to explain to her where it's at but she's so frustrated at this point. She hangs up and calls me back again a few minutes later. She quit looking for the stand, still crying, and now she has lost one of her gloves and is going home. I finish my hunt and pass on another young 8 in my quest for the mature 9 I had on camera twice but haven't seen lately. This morning, we arrange a babysitter to spend the night so we can leave before 5am to drive to the woods her parents own almost an hour away. I try talking her into sitting the stand I have sat in several times and had a couple bucks walk by every time. She says no. The stand is too uncomfortable and too scary. It's structurally safe but admittedly it does suck to bow hunt out of. It's great for gun hunting but just not designed to be used with bows. She sits in the other stand and is seeing deer all morning but nothing within 100 yards. I had bucks come by and the best one of the 3 walked 12 yards from the stand, broadside, and ate for about 5 minutes before seeing a doe. She sent me a text that she was cold and I told her to tough it out until 9. If she didn't see anything else we would go. I climb down and meet at the arranged spot and she's all upset. Turns out, she was trying to adjust her hand warmer pouch and her bow fell from the stand. She busted two arrows and her D loop got messed up. Fixed that, swapped out the arrows, checked over the bow and we went home to prepare for the evening hunt. Tonight, I put her in my "lucky" stand. We got in early and saw some deer moving almost right away. About 20 minutes later I can hear a 4 wheeler. I see a few deer running all over, the wrong direction, and this moron comes driving through the woods that borders mine. He has about a 2 year old kid on it with him. He drives to about 10 feet from the property line and about 40 yards from where my wife is sitting. Looks around and drives off effectively killing the hunt. Some does wandered in from the other direction but wouldn't come in. She is very discouraged. I think I have her talked into hunting next weekend but she's about had it. I swear if she didn't have bad luck, she'd have no luck at all. Anyone else just not getting it done this year or past years?

Sounds like the hunt has become all about killing something. Can you try to change the narrative to, it’s all about being in nature, watching squirrels, not listening to kids yell at each other, or whatever? If hunting only is “fun” if you kill something it makes for a lot of disappointment. Maybe I’m off base here but this is my thought after reading your story.

So far this year I have driven over 3000 miles in my home state of Oregon ,on four different hunts.I have not had a shot this year or last. As I write this I am on the last evening of an unscheduled last minute attempt on my last season of the year. NEVER SAY DIE! I have 4 hours in the morning ,and still planning to get it done. Not a marine but semper fi!

X2.....Ucsdryder…..excellent observation. WAY too much pressure. There is something to said about trying too hard....ask any athlete in a slump....the harder you try the worse it gets. Relax....enjoy and good things will start to happen.

First thing is to get her some cold weather clothes, maybe a suit or coveralls, some good thick boots, and hat etc. Make sure she is comfortable first. Make sure she is safe, a good harness and lifeline. Give her better instructions on where to find stands, even if you need to get her a gps or walk her into the areas so she is familiar with it.

Get her more comfortable and a deer will happen.

Yep; enjoy the outdoors and quit worrying about killing something!

NEIAbowhunter,sorry for my first post, having a pity party here and this is not the place. Absolutely get your wife some warmer clothes, and stay positive. Her chance will come and it will be sweeter having gone through the frustrating hunts.

Cant be effective if your not comfortable. Get her 'over dressed'.... chicks run cold! Lol

Novice hunters do things like this. Heck, even veteran hunters do things like she is. It isn’t luck. It’s self inflicted. But, it’s all part of it.

I’d reread Ucs’s post and think about it. Because, we can all relate to her frustrations. Novice or not. We’ve all been there and learned from it. If she is to continue hunting, she’s gotta decide what direction she goes with this. Learn from it or get disgusted and quit. I’m sure she wants to kill stuff. So, set with her and help her until she gets it done or exhibits the ability to do so.

Sounds like she is not ready to sit by herself. Sit with her so she has a chance to learn what/how to do it. Although it sounds like she is seeing lots of deer, so hard to call that bad luck. If you have to talk her in to hunting this weekend, she may not really want to hunt.

I would brush in a good pop up ground blind or bale blind

My wife started bowhunting 6-7 years ago and I have learned a lot in those years. Here is my list: Let her hunt how she wants to, prepare everything that you can for her, buy the best fitting cloths for her, listen to her and respect her ideas. In the early years, I thought her passion for hunting was as strong as mine but it was not and I pushed her too hard and she almost quit. (we had many tears in the woods and that sucked) Now, I let her decide when and where to sit, even if that means we drive separate. My wife likes to sleep in and hunt the afternoon, me I sit all day. This weekend, she drove out at noon and joined me. It worked because it was her idea. When the hunter is relaxed, things go a lot better. As far as shooting a big buck, let her pick what she wants to shoot. My wife has the green light on any deer she wants. Years ago, she would shoot any deer, now that she has a few kills, she is more selective. I know that it is hard and you want her to be successful but remember why you are there and that is to enjoy the woods together. My wife is my hunting partner and we work as a team to be successful. I hope that happens for you and your wife.

As far as shooting deer, I was in a stage where I needed to fill tags. One year I was getting upset and my dad said these words, "Remember why I started taking you hunting, it was to see the world, not kill deer. Relax and go have fun." 2 hours later, I shot a nice doe. Dad was right, go and relax, you will not go hungry if you don't shoot a big buck.

Ive got a young daughter I’ve been trying to get a deer and a wife that I ruined early on in marriage. Treat her like you would a young daughter. Hunt when she wants to for as long as she wants to. Forget about hunting for yourself until your wife is tagged out. If the stand at the honey hole sucks move the good stand from the gar hole to the honey hole. Do everything you can without putting any pressure on her. Putting pressure on my wife to kill out of a setup that I would have no trouble with is what made her decide she doesn’t like deer hunting. Women are obviously different ;) tread lightly and make it fun.

TONS of great advice already. I've gone through (and still sometimes go through) all of the things you mentioned in the original post...including the lost glove...with my wife. Besides the obvious of keeping her safe, the two things that made the biggest difference for my wife were having good clothes that kept her WARM and realizing it's about the hunt, not the kill. Keep her warm and comfortable, take the pressure off and just enjoy the entire experience. Good luck to you both!!

I’d sit in the tree with her and coach her through it. You’ll know when she’s ready to be by herself. At the very least get her totally set before you leave her. Directions to a spot in the dark can be tough!

Lee

Get some double ladder stands.

Maybe a little more coaching is needed. That's all.

And I'm not sure its cool to call the neighbor on the four wheeler a "moron" Not everyone that owns land is a hunter. Sometimes they enjoy taking their kids on four wheeler rides and buy land specifically for that. Maybe he didn't know your wife was there and was just taking a ride with his kid.

I agree that maybe too much focus is being placed on killing something and not enjoying the full experience. Perhaps she would enjoy it more from a pop-up blind with a Buddy Heater in it? She could move a little more without being detected and would be more comfortable.

Great comments, I agree with most of them, ESPECIALLY keeping her comfortable however; As newbies I truly feel that a successful hunt IS / WAS quantified / qualified by the kill. In my early years I "hunted" to kill that duck, goose, deer, grouse, etc., etc., not to go watch a blue jay fly around or squirrel dig for acorns, I could set in my front yard and see that all day.

Think back on when you first began hunting, for me that was in the late 60's, and the kill was important to me. Some of which was self gratification (yeah, I CAN do this) but also, back then, a little bit of it was the hero shot to show friends and family. Back then I hunted because I enjoyed killing shit, a lot more than watching the critters.

Now, when I hunt, like so many with a few - or several years under our belts, if I kill an elk, deer, duck, etc., its just a bonus to the hunt.

I would say that maybe you need to sacrifice (not the right word) your hunt to make sure she is having fun and enjoying her time hunting. Walk her out to that stand, revamp that primo stand so she will be comfortable - with comfort also comes confidence. You might not get to your stand until a bit after day light and maybe have to leave a bit early to go walk her out, but just think what that will do for HER enjoyment.

In my humble opinion: If the kill is what she sees as "enjoyment or success" then by all means, you as the teacher, need to do everything you possibly can to help her achieve that.

I think the big thing to understand is that as soon as your wife started bowhunting with you, your hunting has to change when she goes to the woods. At least until she becomes experienced and comfortable with doing it herself. When she goes, walk her to her stand and make sure she is safely in it, quit when she is ready to quit, giver her all the best spots, etc. When you go by yourself then you focus on you. As a guy that has a lady hunter and now kid hunters I have just about totally lost the ability to bowhunt the way I want to or am used to. It has been my decision to focus on them 100% to make sure they are safe, warm, having fun, and are as successful as they can be. If you want her out there with you then you'll have to make some sacrifices until she comes up the learning curve. Believe me when I tell you those sacrifices will pay you back tenfold over the years you spend together in the woods. Every once in awhile you'll still get lucky and kill a good buck or two.

All you have to do is read the many, many threads on this site about how someone was "successful" (made the kill).

Everyone can talk all they want (ME INCLUDED) about how the kill is just a bonus to the hunt ......... but the "primary" reason I (we) go hunting is to kill something.

Everyone should watch stickfinger's thread about his son killing his first bear - OMG, just look at his son's facial expression after the kill. That is exactly what you want to see on your wife's face.

My wife has been bow hunting with me for the years we have been married. She has killed a doe and had close calls on other does and a couple of bucks. We have just come off of a week long hunt and she passed up two different young bucks, one of which followed the script to a "T" by coming into the stand that Brenda had placed herself. I know that I worry about her success more than she doe. Just maybe that's the case with you and your wife. Have fun, enjoy your time together.

WOW, I wish I had such bad luck. Over hundred hours on stand in rain or high winds and only seen two small bucks and a few does not in range. I am not passing on anything to fill the freezer. I know the frustation. She needs better clothes or a heated shooting house and just enjoy the hunt and being out there.

Luck is a relative term that you guys in Connecticut and Massachusetts can’t grasp. ;). If you’re hunting “ any” deer in the Midwest it is a reasonable expectation to have some “luck”. I can’t wrap my head around seeing a handful of deer in a season. That’s not hunting that’s camping in a tree stand. ;)

I will add a couple things to my OP. I am going to go in after turkey season in the spring to make some adjustments to that stand. She is nursing still so her chest is currently larger than usual and she can't get her normal layers on this year but it's usually only her legs that get cold and we have been much colder than normal this year. Our normal average is around 45/25 for highs and lows and our highs have been in the low 20s the last few days. I do need to get her a set of bibs that is obvious to me as well. Also I would add that her pressure to shoot a big mature deer is self-imposed. I have encouraged her to shoot anything that comes close enough and gives her a good shot. It's always great to get that first deer. I have volunteered to sit with her but she is an independent woman and wants to get it herself and I can't fault her for that. With the number of deer she sees it will happen for her if she will let it.

Just do whatever you can to make her happy and continue to hunt. Wish my wife was here to pester me this fall!

It seems like there are a lot of threads from a man's perspective.. maybe a few tips from a woman would be helpful. I have found great success in bowhunting in the last 4 years and I can contribute it to having a good teacher. Treestands with a bow can be intimidating. While it is difficult to hunt together in the same stand (even in a double) I would suggest setting one up near by. This way, it is clear on how to get in, where to hang the bow, etc. Cold weather is the worst! Women hold their heat differently than men so making sure she has women specific hunting clothing is a must! The best investment for tree stand hunting are BIBS! We can layer and layer and they do a great job of keeping the core warm. Things will always be adverse, even when nothing goes wrong! The more practice she has with killing, the better bowhunter she will be. As you know, bowhunting is hard. It takes so much practice and patience. I just posted a blog about Finding Your Hunting Tribe.. It has some good advice for hunting with others..especially women :-)

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