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Humor break, anyone?
How NOT to shoot a deer ;-)
That was funny, thanks for sharing.
Some years back I watched two cops put three handgun rounds in a dying raccoon in the backyard behind mine, and knew instantly that neither one of them was a hunter.
Supposedly a true story.....Our county sheriff's dept gets a call a deer has been hit by a car on an rural road and the deer is suffering,...needs to be put out of its misery. A new Deputy is dispatched to do so. He arrives at the scene and sees a small deer standing in the ditch looking like it had had better days. He draws his weapon and dispatches the deer with a single bullet between the eyes. Then the motorist who hit the deer points and says,..."Why'd you do that? The deer I hit is laying over here!"
Reminds me of when I was 16. I was out checking my trap line and came across some older girls I went to school with. They had just hit a buck with their car and brokerage bucks back. They were all like we have to do something. I got my 22 rifle out and put it to the deers head, got back in the truck and left. They were just like what the heck just happened.
Buddy of mine was driving out to bowhunt with me a few years back during the first week of November. As he’s driving out to our spot a spike chasing a doe runs across the road and directly into the side of his truck. Deer rolls into the ditch and is loudly bleating and squalling. Oncoming vehicle stops and a man and woman get out. They are both sipping on coffee and are shocked by the deers distress and loud bleating. The woman loudly exclaims “well do something for the poor deer.” My buddy gets his bow out of the back seat and sticks an arrow right behind the front shoulder. The woman shrieks “not that!!!” and runs back to the vehicle. Her husband shrugs his shoulders and helps my buddy throw the deer into the back of his truck.
We meet up for lunch at our parking spot and I see thislittle broke up spike in the back of his truck with a perfectly placed shot behind the front shoulder. We were only shooting “mounters” that week. I think to myself no way he shot that thing, maybe he hit it with his truck, but there’s not a scratch on his truck. About that time he walks up and says “did you see my hog there in the back?” And then proceeds to tell me the story.
Buddy of mine is a state tropper. He's not an outdoorsman. The first call he got to dispatch an injured deer he wound shooting 7 times in the body. He said the driver of the car was yelling at him to shoot it in the head
Boreal, sounds like the don’t teach body anatomy and the difference between a kill shot and a crippling shot at the academy there lol.
Good stuff, we can use more humor on Bowsite these days. Keep it coming!
He thought he was just tazing it but used his handgun instead
An elderly couple is celebrating their 50th anniversary by going out to dinner. Since they are both in their 70's, they have hearing loss and talk rather loud. They are sitting at their table, and have just finished their meal. The old man says to his wife "Hey, you want to go back to that field where we had sex for the first time, and celebrate our 50th together?" His wife says "Sure, let's do it." Unbeknown to them, a younger couple sitting at an adjacent table, couldn't help but overhear this entire conversation. Since they are just finishing their meal as well, the young guy says to his girlfriend "Are you in the mood to watch some 70 year old porn?" The girlfriend laughs and say "Heck yeah, let's do it!" The younger couple waits for the older pair to leave, pays their bill, and then leaves. They discreetly follow the elderly couple that has driven way out in the boondocks. They watch as the old couple holds hands as they walk across this big field. When they get to the fence at the far edge of the field, grandma hikes up the back of her skirt, and grandpa gets behind her. As soon as they make contact, grandpa becomes a sex machine....and for thirty minutes, this younger couple is amazed as this elderly pair is rocking the world. Eventually, the old couple collapses on the ground. The young woman says "My God, I think they're dead!" The young guy says "No, I can see them breathing." After a few more minutes, the old man finally gets up, helps his wife to her feet, and they hold hands as they start to return to their vehicle. The young man, so impressed with the old guys virility, tells his girlfriend that he has GOT to learn the old man's secret. He gets out of the vehicle and proceeds to start walking across the field. As he approached the older couple, he asks the old man if he can speak to him in private. The old man leaves his wife, and walks over to the young man. The young man admits that he and his girlfriend had watched the entire encounter, and he wanted to know what the old man's secret was, for such endurance at his age. The old man looks down at the ground with an "Aw shucks" kind of look on his face, and says to the young man....."Fifty years ago, that fence wasn't electric."
Hilarious Jake, I'm stealing that one!! Thanks for the laugh guys!!
Several years ago I was dispatched to a car deer accident - no injuries but the deer was still alive, laying in the ditch.
Upon arrival I met with a young couple (late teens, early 20's), driving an older van with hand painted strange pictures all over it. They both had gothic make up on - black around both eyes, black lipstick (real thick and over exaggerated), nose rings, eyelid rings, tongue piercing, etc., etc..
They said the person that hit the deer left and did not want it, could they have it. "Sure, I'll dispatch it and write you out a possession tag." She screamed that they wanted it alive so they could take care of it.
As I turned towards the ditch, I nicely advised them that wasn't going to happen and that I was not going to allow the deer to suffer any longer. The girl began to cry. I advised them if they didn't want to see what was going to happen they should look the other way and that I would help them load it in their van in a couple minutes.
They jumped in their van (she was still crying) and left.
No prom invites after that, LINK??
Been in this situation a few times with banged up deer minus that many spectators, had a small spotted fawn once and figured I would just choke it out with my boot. Little S.O.B. kicked me in the chin so hard I had a tiny hoof print tattooed on me for a week.
3 guys are sitting in a bar having a few beers. They start talking about what their most painful experience in the world is.
The first guy was a carpenter, and he said, "For me, the most painful thing was hitting my thumb with the hammer the SECOND time!"
The second guy was a dentist, and he explained that, "The most painful thing in his opinion was drilling a cavity and hitting a nerve on someone who DIDN'T want to take Novocain! I've had them jump out of the chair!"
They all agreed that was pretty darn painful, and then the third guy, who was an old rancher, said this.....
"Well, I can for sure tell you what the SECOND most painful thing is. One time I was out riding fence, and the chili I had the night before was wanting to do a quick exit. I jumped off my horse and got my pants down just in time, but what I didn't know what that I'd squatted over a coyote trap. My plumbing hit the trap pan and it jumped up and clamped right on everything!"
The other guys winced and said, "WOW! That is unbelievable! But you said it was the second most painful thing. What could be more painful than that?!!?"
The old rancher took a swallow of beer, looked down at the table and said....."When I hit the end of that chain..."
"Thanking my Sponsors"
As some are shoveling out...
A guy drives into a small town and walks into a saloon. The locals appear to be hicks, but he wants a beer so sits at the bar and orders.
The locals on each side cast him sideways glances, finally one speaks up "what brings you to these parts?" He replies "I'm a taxidermist heading over for a show in the big city".
After a while the hick asks "what's a taxeedermist?"
The guy replies "well, I mount animals."
The local elbows his buddy and declares "well heck, he's one of us!!"
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
What do you call Irish outdoor lawn furniture? Patty O'furniture. (patio furniture).
Why does Irish chili have only 239 beans in it?
Because one more would make it "too fardy".
A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Father O'Grady after mass.
He says: "So what's bothering you?"
She replies: "Oh, Father, I've terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says: "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Did he have any last requests?"
"Certainly father," she replied. "He said: "Please Mary, put down that damn gun."
https://youtu.be/T7IflFXJEwk Blonde Antelope
What did the Bra say to the Hat?
You go on a head. I'll give these two a lift.
In high school I was taking my girl on a date when we found a horribly busted up deer in the ditch. She was sobbing that I had to do something to help it. I told her I would move it somewhere more safe and comfortable. I moved it just out of sight where I pulled out my pocket knife & mercifully ended her suffering. I went back to the car & told her the deer was going to be just fine. The rest of the night went well.
The girl I dated in college in that situation would have asked if it was still good to eat....and that's why we've been married for 46 years!
Gotta love this guy......he should be a stand up comic.
I saw a microbiologist today.
He was much bigger than I expected.
(told in thick Irish accent)
Paddy and Seamus are two brothers who farm together, and who decide to each buy a pig.
They get the pigs home, and start worrying about how to tell the pigs apart. So Paddy says, "It's easy. We'll cut the tail off my pig, and that way we'll be able to tell the pigs apart." So they do that.
The next day Seamus runs up and says "Paddy! Your pig bit my pigs tail off. Now we got two pigs with no tails! How are we gonna tell these two pigs apart?!"
Paddy says "No problem, we'll cut an ear off my pig." So they did.
Next day Seamus runs up "Paddy!! Your pig bit my pig's ear off! How are we gonna tell these two pigs apart?!"
Paddy says "Aw, we'll just cut the other ear off my pig." So they did.
Next day, Seamus runs up, "Paddy!! Your pig bit my pigs other ear off. Now we got two pigs with no ears and no tails! How are we gonna tell these two pigs apart."
Paddy says "I'll tell you what. You take the white one and I'll take the black one."
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
I'm telling a group of guys a story that my uncle told me many years ago:
My uncle always like to work on projects in his garage but their was a small "ankle biter" dog kept coming in and would run off with a tool. He always kept the garage door open to facilitate a breeze.
The dog was sneaky and quick - several times my uncle, unsuccessfully, tried to catch it. He was a dog lover but became extremely frustrated. One day he waited for it and finally caught it.
He took an oil can ---- ((Some of you older guys will remember those old, small copper oil cans that had a long pointed end -- you used your thumb and could put a drop of oil exactly where you wanted it.)) --- and put some gas in it.
He put the point up the dogs butt and gave it a few good squirts of gas and let it out of his garage.
The dog ran in circles for a couple minutes, tipped over and just laid there.
One of the older guys wide eyed looked at me and asked if the dog was dead.
I told him, "No, it just ran out of gas"
A man goes in for his annual prostate examination and asks the Dr. where he should put his pants. The Dr. responds, on the floor next to mine.
John Kerry walks into a bar, bartender asks... why the long face?
True Story: I am going to college have a couple exchanges with a full blown PETA member that has done the whole march stuff in New York etc. She is on her way into school, she drives, and hits a doe. She is trying to sooth it, as it flails and paws at her. State Patrol officer arrives on the scene and tell her to step aside so he can dispatch the deer. She proceeds to assault the officer. He cuffs her, lays her ion the grass in ditch, turns around and shoots the deer twice. She then proceeded to jail and had to post bond. Great times in class the next while. In speech class she got up and left as I explained how effective broadheads where in causing blood loss and hemorrhaging. I had made a board with a hole in it surgical tubing stretched across it. Then I demonstrated its slicing ability and how this led to quick death. She left very upset and sick.
Another true story. I worked with a guy that was about 20 yr's older than me. We'd visit about various things from time to time & the subject of the prostate exam came up. Anyway, I think I said, "have you ever had a Dr. stick his finger up your rear end & check your "thing""? His response was classic, and I quote, "Yes, but I didn't like it"! I doubled over laughing.
"Why don't you glue some cotton balls to my a..."
The 4th little piggy holds a special place in my heart.
A dung beetle walks into a bar. Asks the bar tender, "is this stool taken?"
I have two unwritten rules:
I think most of the above posters are suffering from the dickie-do disease. That's when their bellies stick out further than their dickies-do.
when I was a kid, the local doctor was Dr. Dick. His wife's name was Aphelia. That is true, his last name was Dick and her first name was Aphelia.
That would be as good of a reason to keep your maiden name I guess...lol
Shuteye, my little sister went to school with a guy whose last name was Bahls. His grandpa's name... you guessed it... Harry.
Why would they never allow Hellen Keller to have a driver’s license?
Because, she was a woman!
3 guys always got together for an annual elk hunt. As fall approached they got together and began planning for their trip. One of the guys says "sorry, my wife won't let me go this year."
The other 2 are sitting around the fire in elk camp the evening before opening day. Their 3rd buddy pulls up in his pickup truck. They are surprised "We thought your wife wouldn't let you join us this year?"
He replies "Well, I was sitting in front of the TV moping and my wife came into the room wearing a slinky outfit. She said 'tie me up and do whatever you want'....so here I am."
That Stone Henge meme is hilarious!
70lb, that's pretty edgy.
70lb draw, I almost choked on my beer! That kind of humor is right up my alley! Still laughing!
I know this guy who went bowhunting on Kodiak Island with a recurve bow and only took 5 arrows...........
TD, that was so bad I almost spit my Saturday morning Baileys and coffee!!
TD with the unexcusable, t-Roy with reality…… I feel like I just got slapped twice for opening this thread.
That guy should have been shot!…
^^^^John. That one reminds of the government recalling the Hillary Clinton stamps they issued, several years ago. People complained that it wouldn’t stick.
Turns out, there was nothing wrong with the adhesive. They found out people were spitting on the wrong side….
Just be glad it’s not a forever stamp!!!