onX Maps
Sayings From the Past
Equipment
Contributors to this thread:
Ambush 18-Dec-22
hawkeye in PA 18-Dec-22
ahawkeye 18-Dec-22
Blood 18-Dec-22
Scoot 18-Dec-22
Bigdog 21 18-Dec-22
Bigdog 21 18-Dec-22
Basil 18-Dec-22
mooseslayer 18-Dec-22
cnelk 18-Dec-22
Basil 18-Dec-22
lame crowndip 18-Dec-22
Woods Walker 18-Dec-22
jjs 18-Dec-22
llamapacker 18-Dec-22
Blood 18-Dec-22
Basil 18-Dec-22
ahawkeye 18-Dec-22
Woods Walker 18-Dec-22
Bou’bound 18-Dec-22
Woods Walker 18-Dec-22
Woods Walker 18-Dec-22
KSflatlander 18-Dec-22
Basil 18-Dec-22
Bwhnt 18-Dec-22
Bigdog 21 18-Dec-22
PAOH 18-Dec-22
kyrob 18-Dec-22
cnelk 18-Dec-22
Bou'bound 18-Dec-22
Whocares 18-Dec-22
Bowhunter09 18-Dec-22
sundowner 18-Dec-22
cnelk 18-Dec-22
t-roy 18-Dec-22
Basil 18-Dec-22
grizzly63 18-Dec-22
bluedog 18-Dec-22
kota-man 18-Dec-22
tobywon 18-Dec-22
midwest 18-Dec-22
Swampbuck 18-Dec-22
boly 18-Dec-22
sticksender 18-Dec-22
t-roy 18-Dec-22
cnelk 18-Dec-22
sundowner 18-Dec-22
Basil 18-Dec-22
wyobullshooter 18-Dec-22
Buffalo1 18-Dec-22
BC 18-Dec-22
LUNG$HOT 18-Dec-22
Scoot 18-Dec-22
EmbryOklahoma 18-Dec-22
greenmountain 18-Dec-22
drycreek 18-Dec-22
Murph 18-Dec-22
Stubbleduck 18-Dec-22
blacktail 18-Dec-22
blacktail 18-Dec-22
blacktail 18-Dec-22
blacktail 18-Dec-22
Bigdog 21 19-Dec-22
Zbone 19-Dec-22
Toothpick 19-Dec-22
Guardian hunter 19-Dec-22
DanaC 19-Dec-22
timex 19-Dec-22
DanaC 19-Dec-22
hawkeye in PA 19-Dec-22
Fuzz 19-Dec-22
Nomad @ work 19-Dec-22
2Wild Bill 19-Dec-22
Huntiam 19-Dec-22
WI Shedhead 19-Dec-22
huntr4477 19-Dec-22
APauls 19-Dec-22
x-man 19-Dec-22
DanaC 19-Dec-22
320Bull 19-Dec-22
EmbryOklahoma 19-Dec-22
hawkeye in PA 19-Dec-22
KSflatlander 19-Dec-22
4beards 19-Dec-22
tobywon 19-Dec-22
Ben 19-Dec-22
Mpdh 19-Dec-22
Keith 19-Dec-22
RD 19-Dec-22
samman 19-Dec-22
APauls 19-Dec-22
Tilzbow 19-Dec-22
IKE220 19-Dec-22
Supernaut 19-Dec-22
Rocky D 19-Dec-22
Grunter 19-Dec-22
Rocky D 19-Dec-22
Ambush 19-Dec-22
Woods Walker 19-Dec-22
Mike B 19-Dec-22
Sunset 19-Dec-22
Grey Ghost 19-Dec-22
scentman 19-Dec-22
70lbDraw 19-Dec-22
Woods Walker 19-Dec-22
Bake 19-Dec-22
deerhunter72 19-Dec-22
WhattheFOC 19-Dec-22
deerhunter72 19-Dec-22
Bowbender 19-Dec-22
Basil 19-Dec-22
deerhunter72 19-Dec-22
Ambush 19-Dec-22
Ambush 19-Dec-22
badbull 19-Dec-22
Rocky D 19-Dec-22
Brotsky 19-Dec-22
Supernaut 19-Dec-22
Basil 19-Dec-22
fran 19-Dec-22
KSflatlander 19-Dec-22
Elauwit 19-Dec-22
firstblood 19-Dec-22
hawkeye in PA 19-Dec-22
Gunny 19-Dec-22
grape 19-Dec-22
sundowner 19-Dec-22
Woods Walker 19-Dec-22
t-roy 19-Dec-22
Shuteye 19-Dec-22
Cheesehead Mike 19-Dec-22
WhattheFOC 19-Dec-22
Buffalo1 19-Dec-22
darktimber 19-Dec-22
Beginner 20-Dec-22
Corax_latrans 20-Dec-22
stykzz 20-Dec-22
Zbone 20-Dec-22
TrapperKayak 20-Dec-22
midwest 20-Dec-22
Woods Walker 20-Dec-22
[email protected] 20-Dec-22
Woods Walker 20-Dec-22
tobywon 20-Dec-22
dizzydctr 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
Scoot 20-Dec-22
Cheesehead Mike 20-Dec-22
KSflatlander 20-Dec-22
Vaquero 45 20-Dec-22
deerhunter72 20-Dec-22
WhattheFOC 20-Dec-22
Ambush 20-Dec-22
sundowner 20-Dec-22
Mpdh 20-Dec-22
midwest 20-Dec-22
Scoot 20-Dec-22
Bigdog 21 20-Dec-22
Supernaut 20-Dec-22
Smagmota 20-Dec-22
grape 20-Dec-22
Kevin Speicher 20-Dec-22
Woods Walker 20-Dec-22
MOBEN 20-Dec-22
nchunter 20-Dec-22
Buffalo1 20-Dec-22
Basil 20-Dec-22
t-roy 20-Dec-22
Hilltop 20-Dec-22
midwest 20-Dec-22
fuzzy 20-Dec-22
Zbone 20-Dec-22
Jack Whitmrie jr 20-Dec-22
Basil 20-Dec-22
btnbuck 20-Dec-22
Woods Walker 20-Dec-22
Basil 20-Dec-22
70lbDraw 20-Dec-22
Basil 20-Dec-22
Papadeerhtr 20-Dec-22
Buffalo1 20-Dec-22
TrapperKayak 20-Dec-22
Zbone 20-Dec-22
OTC_Bowhunter 21-Dec-22
OTC_Bowhunter 21-Dec-22
Smagmota 21-Dec-22
Lone Wolf 21-Dec-22
fdp 21-Dec-22
dizzydctr 21-Dec-22
dizzydctr 21-Dec-22
DanaC 21-Dec-22
WhattheFOC 21-Dec-22
deerhunter72 21-Dec-22
Rock 21-Dec-22
fuzzy 21-Dec-22
Twinetickler 21-Dec-22
Kevin Speicher 21-Dec-22
hawkeye in PA 21-Dec-22
pirogue 21-Dec-22
Woods Walker 21-Dec-22
Woods Walker 21-Dec-22
Screwball 21-Dec-22
Shug 21-Dec-22
Shug 21-Dec-22
btnbuck 21-Dec-22
Zbone 22-Dec-22
Vaquero 45 22-Dec-22
Vaquero 45 22-Dec-22
deerhunter72 22-Dec-22
fuzzy 22-Dec-22
Bobby Ray Hart 22-Dec-22
Jack Whitmrie jr 22-Dec-22
TonyBear 22-Dec-22
Huntiam 22-Dec-22
Vaquero 45 22-Dec-22
Shiras42 23-Dec-22
BigOk 23-Dec-22
From: Ambush
18-Dec-22
My Dad is gone for several years, but today I said something to one of my eight year old grandsons that I'd heard my dad say. He looked at me a bit puzzled and ask "what does that mean?"

I well remember hearing: "I'll show you where the bear shit in the buckwheat."

"Billy be damned if your getting away with that". Never knew who Billy was?

"Out behind the barn". Not sure what todays equivalent would be.

"You'll be kicking horse turds down the road, telling your woe to some feet"

"Chop wood, or eat grass"

I'm sure there are some local sayings as well that people heard from parents or grandparents.

18-Dec-22
My Uncle. Gonna have to dig another hole after this one to put the dirt in.

From: ahawkeye
18-Dec-22
Hey Bill how've you been?

Awww fair to midland I guess.

From: Blood
18-Dec-22
Thought the title was misspelled and it meant to say “Sayings from Pat”, which would be much more entertaining…..

From: Scoot
18-Dec-22
You speak like a man with a paper asshole.

Where you going, Dad? To see a man about a horse.

That road is slipperier than cat snot on a door knob.

I bet he's nervous as a whore in church.

From: Bigdog 21
18-Dec-22
Your in deep hog shit know.

From: Bigdog 21
18-Dec-22
Your all mine know.

From: Basil
18-Dec-22
Grew up next to a highly decorated Korean War vet. Top notch deer hunter & consummate family man. Never once heard him cuss. A few of his were “egg sucking weasel ” gravy sucking pig” “ mercifull Menusa” “egg stealing dog”. Saddest thing I ever heard was taps being played as they rolled him out of the church.

From: mooseslayer
18-Dec-22
That ain't worth a "Pinch of Shit"

From: cnelk
18-Dec-22
Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra

From: Basil
18-Dec-22
As a teenager I would to split wood for him just because I enjoyed doing it but expected nothing in return. He would say “ thanks til you’re better paid”. Once in a while there would be a sack of Morgan silver dollars waiting for me on the splitting block.

18-Dec-22
From my grandmother....if you buy something cheap that is usually what you get. Always be in bed before 11 because nothing good happens after 11. I worked a bunch of homicides and if they would have been sleeping by 11.....

From: Woods Walker
18-Dec-22
"Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra"......on the shady side of an igloo!

I trust him about as far as I could throw him upwind in a hurricane...with my bad arm.

**** you, and your friends too, but seeing as you don't have any friends, don't worry about it.

From: jjs
18-Dec-22
"his mother should have club him and sold the milk" "what is your head for a hat rack" "got more sleaze than a rattle snake" "it an't going to get the job done just sitting there" others would not pass the censor and leave it here.

From: llamapacker
18-Dec-22
It seems most of my everyday conversation contains phrases that the youngsters find novel and amusing. "You'd complain if you were hung with a new rope!" "It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock" "It's darker than the inside of a cow" Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs" "Even a blind squirrel gets a nut once in a while" Bill

From: Blood
18-Dec-22
HDYLMK - TBM

I win.

From: Basil
18-Dec-22
Colder than a well diggers ass

From: ahawkeye
18-Dec-22
Yes... Blood wins!

From: Woods Walker
18-Dec-22
He needs an anal-optomy. That's where they disconnect his eyes from his anus so he doesn't have such a sh*tty view of life.

From: Bou’bound
18-Dec-22
“It’s time to come in from playing outside”. Kids don’t hear that one anymore

From: Woods Walker
18-Dec-22
"It’s time to come in from playing outside. Kids don’t hear that one anymore"

No they don't! Sad.....

From: Woods Walker
18-Dec-22
Best one my father always said.......

"Want a helping hand? There's one at the end of your arm."

From: KSflatlander
18-Dec-22
“I’d rather you a thief than a liar.”

Huh? What? Aren’t all thieves liars lol? That one always puzzled me a bit.

From: Basil
18-Dec-22
Shittin’ in tall cotton

From: Bwhnt
18-Dec-22
Its hotter than a wool sock full of baked beans

From: Bigdog 21
18-Dec-22
Only speak when your spoken to.

From: PAOH
18-Dec-22
Just standing there with your teeth in your mouth. Nervous as a pregnant nun at confession. It might not be long but it’s skinny

From: kyrob
18-Dec-22
He's so full of crap he could blow up an onion sack.

From: cnelk
18-Dec-22
Take the long way around the barn

From: Bou'bound
18-Dec-22
I’d rather owe it to you than cheat you out of it

From: Whocares
18-Dec-22
Busier than a one legged man at an ass kickin party.

From: Bowhunter09
18-Dec-22
From my dad. That’s no hill for a stepper

From: sundowner
18-Dec-22
"If you can't improve upon the silence, then please contribute to it".

From: cnelk
18-Dec-22
Drive it like it’s mine not yours

From: t-roy
18-Dec-22
“Sweatin like a Polack takin a math test”

“You can always tell a Swede, but you can’t tell him much”

“You couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a scoop shovel”

“As nervous as Mike Tyson at a spelling bee”

From: Basil
18-Dec-22
Grinning like a jackass eating thistles

From: grizzly63
18-Dec-22
"Get up, you can sleep when you're dead" "He wont make a good pisshole in a snowbank" Dad actually is a kind man.

From: bluedog
18-Dec-22
xin loi (sorry about that)

From: kota-man
18-Dec-22
My Dad’s classic:

“It’s darker than the inside of a cow’s belly.”

From: tobywon
18-Dec-22
I lost my Dad when when I was in my mid 20’s but some of his sayings still stick. This one was my favorite.

“He is as useless as tits on a bull”

From: midwest
18-Dec-22
NOW we're cookin' with gas!

He couldn't fight himself out of a wet paper bag.

(Going to take a pee) Need to go shake hands with the unemployed.

From: Swampbuck
18-Dec-22
I’ll give you something to cry about!

From: boly
18-Dec-22
"slower than cold tar walking uphill backwards"

From: sticksender
18-Dec-22
"that's like trying to piss up a rope"

"nervous as a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory"

From: t-roy
18-Dec-22
Not necessarily a saying, but my grandpa used to tell my dad that hedge posts were so durable that they’d outlast 3 post holes.

“Dumber than a sack of hammers”

“Hornier than a 3 peckered billygoat”

“Tougher than a boiled owl turd”

From: cnelk
18-Dec-22
“I’ll tan your hide”

From: sundowner
18-Dec-22
"I'm gonna work you like a borrowed mule".

From: Basil
18-Dec-22
Beat you like a red headed stepchild

18-Dec-22
Elementary school principal says “Bend over and grab your ankles.”

You knew the swats were about to commence!

Times have definitely changed! lol!

From: Buffalo1
18-Dec-22
“If you could buy him for what he is worth and seek him for what he thinks he’s worth- you’d be a rich man”

“Looks good on paper, but will it work?”

“Whistling Dixie”

“Shut her down Leon, she’s pumping mud”

“It’s bugger dark out”

“He finished school before school finished him”

“The best way to avoid a misunderstanding is to have an understanding “

From: BC
18-Dec-22
"Too soon old, too late smart".

From: LUNG$HOT
18-Dec-22
“ It ain’t over til the fat lady sweats”

When grandpa was pissed off “Christ Almighty” and “Sons-a-Bitches”

From: Scoot
18-Dec-22
When is raining really hard-- pissing like a cow on a flat rock.

18-Dec-22
From my pastor at bible school when I was a kid… “Ricky Lynn, you do that again and I’ll tan your skin”. ;)

18-Dec-22
Busier than a one armed paper hanger......... with crabs.

From: drycreek
18-Dec-22
When we would fun afoul of the old man, he would tell me or my brother, sometimes both “Boy, I’m gonna beat the shit outa you, and then beat you for shittin’”. He made good on that at least four times that I remember……..and I deserved every one.

From: Murph
18-Dec-22
“Your eyes look like 2 piss holes in a snow bank” , “ he ain’t worth a cunt full of cold piss” , “ that won’t pull a sick whore off a piss pot” , “ he don’t know whether he’s jerkin off or canning peaches”. “ he couldn’t whip a one legged Indian in an ass kicken contest” not the most appropriate I know but some of my most memorable…

From: Stubbleduck
18-Dec-22
From L. R. Douglas DVM (My employer for several summers and mentor for life)

"Slippery as sour owl shit....." "Just barely perfect"

And from my Grandmother who grew up in the hills of Kentucky: "Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise"

From: blacktail
18-Dec-22
You look like trying to put a wet noodle up a wild cats ass

From: blacktail
18-Dec-22
Useless as tits on a wild boar

From: blacktail
18-Dec-22
It was raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

From: blacktail
18-Dec-22
Felt like I was pissed at and missed. Then shit at and hit.

From: Bigdog 21
19-Dec-22
Dummer then a box of rocks. ,Slower then a 7 year itch.,. Go any slower you'll be backing up.

From: Zbone
19-Dec-22
My Dad - "I might be dumb but I ain't stupid"...

From: Toothpick
19-Dec-22
Best to let em think you're an idiot than open your mouth and remove all doubt

19-Dec-22
Dad would say not to buy a new ______. Man made it and broke it and man can fix it.

From: DanaC
19-Dec-22

From: timex
19-Dec-22
Going to see a man about a dog.

From: DanaC
19-Dec-22

19-Dec-22
Dad- It ain't gonna get done by looking at it.

From: Fuzz
19-Dec-22
"Dammit...Dont break the piss sack!" has become a regular saying between myself and a cousin after a successful rabbit hunt 20 years ago with my dad. Its amazing how many ways you can insert that in an everyday conversation!

I probably heard my dad say

"Those sons-a-bitches!"... at least several hundred thousand times. I was about 10-11 yrs old before I found out that my real first name wasnt... Dammit! Probably why I'm so thick skinned... and glad to have it.

From: Nomad @ work
19-Dec-22
He could sell ice to the Eskimo's & then sell them the freezer to put it in!

From: 2Wild Bill
19-Dec-22
My Uncle Herb, " boy oh boy oh boy".

From: Huntiam
19-Dec-22
Youins see anything today

From: WI Shedhead
19-Dec-22
It was “darker than the inside of a cow” this morning.

Comments from americas dairyland

From: huntr4477
19-Dec-22
"As tight as a bullfrog's ass" "Lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut"

From: APauls
19-Dec-22
My daughter rolls her eyes every time I say I wasn’t born yesterday.

From: x-man
19-Dec-22
If you were half as smart as you think you are, you'd be twice as smart as you are.

Better to be a smartass than a dumbass.

That'll hold, till the cows come home.

From: DanaC
19-Dec-22
Ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it outta.

From: 320Bull
19-Dec-22
I have a couple that come to mind. There is only one way to get it done son that cotton pickin pot licker nothing ventured nothing gained

19-Dec-22
One my uncle would always use… “If I tell ya it’s Easter, then ya better hide your eggs.”

19-Dec-22
My boss before he retired, "I could hide my own Easter eggs"

19-Dec-22
When questioned on the veracity of a fact or subject.

“ If I say a mouse can pull a train up a mountain. You hook his ass up! “

From: KSflatlander
19-Dec-22

KSflatlander's Link

From: 4beards
19-Dec-22
Sticks out like a turd in a punch bowl.

From: tobywon
19-Dec-22
Summer intern's first day on the job. My, co-worked asked him if he brought his saddle? Intern was perplexed and said what? Co-worker said, "Did you bring your saddle?"...because I'm gonna ride you hard!!

From: Ben
19-Dec-22
"She's been banged more times than a screen door in a hurricane!"

From: Mpdh
19-Dec-22
My dad always said when something looked bad or messed up, it was all kaddywhompous!

Don’t know if that spelling is correct but that’s how it sounded to me.

From: Keith
19-Dec-22
My Father-in-Law when asked how he was doin', "Better than I was, but not as good as I was before I got as bad as I am now."

From: RD
19-Dec-22
from Hunting with the late Lamont Granger You'll never kill anything if you don't put some arrows in the air We didn't come here to pet the damn things

From: samman
19-Dec-22
Colder than a brass monkeys ass. Older than a box of rocks.

From: APauls
19-Dec-22
My daughter rolls her eyes every time I say I wasn’t born yesterday.

From: Tilzbow
19-Dec-22
Slicker than greased owl shit

From: IKE220
19-Dec-22
"You don't know shit from applebutter"

From: Supernaut
19-Dec-22
When I was a kid I'd pester my dad to box with me either with gloves on or just open hand. I was so little he'd fight from his knees and it was one of my favorite things to do with him.

He had a couple good sayings before or during these bouts:

"I'll hit you with so many rights you'll beg for a left"

"One hand of iron. One hand of steel. If the right one don't get you the left one will."

While holding up his left fist "Life in the hospital"

Then switching to his right fist "Instant death"

Man those were good times and my dad was and still is one tough customer.

From: Rocky D
19-Dec-22
My dad said that bull in a china closet was gentle compared to a woman in heat.

He also told me that sex was something that you could get behind on the quickest to caught up on even quicker.

From: Grunter
19-Dec-22
Your ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower

From: Rocky D
19-Dec-22
My dad said that bull in a china closet was gentle compared to a woman in heat.

He also told me that sex was something that you could get behind on the quickest to caught up on even quicker.

From: Ambush
19-Dec-22
“You better pack a lunch, ‘cause I’m gonna knock you into next week”

My one sweet old Aunt would threaten us with “ Your ache’n for break’n, cruise’n for a bruise’n and hound’n for a pound’n “ Then she’d give us cookies instead :)

“I’ll hit you so hard, your whole family will hurt!”

From: Woods Walker
19-Dec-22
I'm surprised this one hasn't been mentioned.....

"**** you and the horse you rode in on!"

From: Mike B
19-Dec-22
From my dad...."When I start to find fault with all that I see, it's time to start looking for what's wrong with me."

From: Sunset
19-Dec-22
I’ll stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry!

From: Grey Ghost
19-Dec-22
When my father was making something that required measuring and cutting to length, he’d often say “it’s just a red c**t hair too long, or too short.” One day, I asked him, “why red?” He said, “someday you’ll understand, son.” I figured it out in college. ;-)

Matt

From: scentman
19-Dec-22
One of my older neighbors " shit mama, I can't dance... got no ballroom"

From: 70lbDraw
19-Dec-22
Dad pulling a trailer up Raton Pass on a hot summers day.

“ This is the one that separates the men from the boys!”

From: Woods Walker
19-Dec-22
"Pack yer shit and git"..........

From: Bake
19-Dec-22
I'm only 41 and use some of these all the time :) Not so much old sayings I guess where I'm from.

My paternal grandpa would tell my mom about marrying my dad "You drove your ducks to a poor market."

He was full of them. can't think of any right now . . .

From: deerhunter72
19-Dec-22
A few that come to mind. Most of them still in frequent use;)

"You look like you've been rode hard and put up wet"

"dumber than a box of rocks"

"penny wise and pound foolish"

"got a good case of the red ass"

"really got your tit in the wringer"

"like a horse to the barn"

"drier than a popcorn fart"

"looks wacker-jawed to me"

From: WhattheFOC
19-Dec-22
GG, the acronym is ‘rch’. Use of the acronym allows this term to be used in settings where you would never use the full version. I throw rch out there every now and then - the guys get it but the women never do :)

From: deerhunter72
19-Dec-22
A few more favorites:

"can't swing a dead cat without hitting one".

"busier than a one-armed paper hanger"

"busier than a one-legged man at an ass kickin contest"

"nervous as a cat"

"as poor as a church mouse"

"tighter than dick's hatband"

From: Bowbender
19-Dec-22
RCH typically refers to approximately 30 microns or .0011". In my world, that's a wide open tolerance. Been designing and making chips for 40 years. Our one engineering prof used the term RCH, in its more complete vernacular, quite often.

From: Basil
19-Dec-22
You don’t know shit from shinola

From: deerhunter72
19-Dec-22
I don't know if this one made the list yet, but it's an old stand by

"sweatin like a whore in church"

also,

"wound tighter than a two dollar watch"

"hit you hard enough to knock your cock stiff"

From: Ambush
19-Dec-22
“Any brains he ever had, he ate with a spoon.”

“Grinning like a jackass with a mouth full of briars”.

“Wipe that shit eating grin off your face”.

From: Ambush
19-Dec-22
So dumb he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were wrote on the bottom.

Can’t tell turds from taters.

From: badbull
19-Dec-22
"1 will be dag blamed".....Any of you old guys know what this even means?

From: Rocky D
19-Dec-22
"1 will be dag blamed"

The same thing as “I’ll be dad gummed. Or “I’d declare “!

From: Brotsky
19-Dec-22
"Off like a prom dress"

"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining"

"Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first"

And one of my favorites from when I was a kid...."Only two kinds of people wear their hats backwards son, welders and c*cksuckers and I don't see any sparks flying."

From: Supernaut
19-Dec-22
"My old lady hits harder than that."

Not what you want to hear if you're engaged in fist a cuffs but if you're the person saying it or thinking it you're gonna do OK most of the time.

From: Basil
19-Dec-22
Have to say I’ve heard most of these but never the backwards hat….LOL

From: fran
19-Dec-22
You better be careful if you mess with the bull, you'll get the horns!

From: KSflatlander
19-Dec-22
You could break a crowbar in a sand pile.

From: Elauwit
19-Dec-22
I used to work with an old carpenter his two favorites Good enough for the girls we go with We ain't building no baby grand

From: firstblood
19-Dec-22
On the other hand, there's 4 fingers.

Eyes shined like 2 rubys in a bucket of shit.

Teeth like 2 kernels of corn up a hogs ass.

He could eat corn through a picket fence

19-Dec-22
Day late and a dollar short.

From: Gunny
19-Dec-22
Madder than a wet hen!

Can’t shoot a deer sitting on the couch watching TV!

You’re lying and your feet stink! If it was really bad, you add to it “..and you don’t love Jesus!”

Smells like shit, looks like shit, it’s probably shit!

From: grape
19-Dec-22
“ If it cost a nickel to shit……he’d puke!!

From: sundowner
19-Dec-22
"His eyes looked like two piss holes in a snow bank".

From: Woods Walker
19-Dec-22
WhattheFOC.....I've never heard it as rch. I've heard it called a TURTLE ch, "tch". Or even just "ch". Weird, huh?

And one more.....

"Don't write a check with your mouth that you're ass can't cash."

From: t-roy
19-Dec-22
“Don’t let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird a$$”

From: Shuteye
19-Dec-22
That board is too long, take a scoch off. A tad would be too much. I was doing carpenter work one time and the brick layer asked me to cut him a piece of 2X4. I asked him how long did he want it and he said, "two bricks and a hammer." That is the honest truth.

19-Dec-22
It would take a big man to kick my ass, wouldn't take him very long though.

Harder than woodpecker lips.

It's been real and it's been fun but it hasn't been real fun.

I could agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.

My dad used to say "apple pie without cheese is like a hug without a squeeze"

From: WhattheFOC
19-Dec-22
Ha - I was hanging a couple heads up in my office tonight and used rch - my wife looked at me like ‘what the foc?”

A new one for me … awhile back I told a buddy (just kidding) that I was thinking about hanging up the bow and getting a crossbow. His response … ‘that’s gay as cum on a moustache’.

From: Buffalo1
19-Dec-22
He had the red ass so bad he could blown up a rectal thermometer!

From: darktimber
19-Dec-22
“Tight as bark on a tree”

“Come hell or high water”

Got more excuses than Carter has liver pills”

“Use your head, that lump 2 ft above your a?!”

“Don’t know your a!? from your elbow”

“Not the sharpest knife in the drawer”

“Couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn”

From: Beginner
20-Dec-22
An old fire captain would wake us every morning saying "Let go of your cocks and put on your socks, time to go to work."

20-Dec-22
One of my Dad’s favorites was “I’ll kick your butt up a-straddle your neck!”’

And from his Gunny when he was trying to qualify with a 1911: “Lieutenant, I don’t believe you could hit yourself in the ass with either hand.” Not so much a problem for an MD.

From: stykzz
20-Dec-22
When something would hurt or be difficult. “Well, that’ll put a kink in your plow line”.

Good enough for who it’s for.

20-Dec-22
Get up! We’re late! It’s daylight in the swamp

From: Zbone
20-Dec-22
The one I use quite a bit from John Wayne - "Daylight's Burning"...

From: TrapperKayak
20-Dec-22
Colder than a well diggers ass.

From: midwest
20-Dec-22
Some I still use all the time, some from my dad:

When someone asks, "How are you doing?" Answer: "If I was doing any better, I'd have to take something for it."

When someone asks, "How are you?" Answer: "Better than nothing."

When someone shows me a really cool hack: "Well, that's just slicker than c*m on a gold tooth!"

When I call anyone at their job: "Sorry to wake you up from your nap."

When someone shows me a product I don't like: "I wouldn't have one of those shoved up my a$$ if I had room for a steam shovel and the Queen Mary."

When talking about some scummy family: "They have the only house in town you have to wipe your feet off to go outdoors."

From: Woods Walker
20-Dec-22
Steam shovel and Queen Mary.....LMOA!!!!

Gonna use that one!! Sounds like a smart phone, or worse yet ALEXA!

20-Dec-22
"Yes Ma'am" and "No Sir"

From: Woods Walker
20-Dec-22
Agreed Paul. And from my youth....."May I be excused from the table?"

From: tobywon
20-Dec-22
I used to work with this guy that when someone (mainly women) would bring up losing weight in conversation.....such as, I've been watching my diet and have lost 10 pounds, he'd say, "Look in back and you'll find it". Always made me laugh and sometimes cringe depending on who he said it to.

From: dizzydctr
20-Dec-22
From my brother in law: "I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted."

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"Some people don't know. And some don't even suspect".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"The truth will stand when the world is on fire".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
Sometimes your house burns up......and sometimes your house burns down".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"If I had his money, I'd burn mine".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"That's how it goes.....first your ass and then your clothes."

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"Put your finger on the trigger and your eye on the hog".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
My Dad, on working boys:

"A boy is a boy. Two boys are half a boy, and three boys ain't no boy at all".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"A business partner is good for one thing: to take half your money".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"That's a wierd place.....there's dirt all over the ground."

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"While there are fast cars and slow possums, I won't be eating any rattlesnake".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"It's hotter than the hinges of hell".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"I feel lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut".

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
G.O.L.F. ----- "Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden"

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
"Are all painters drunks, or are all drunks painters?"

From: Scoot
20-Dec-22
Sundowner, I only understand a portion of the sayings you included! Haha, I am a little slow though...

20-Dec-22
I got money I ain't even spent yet

I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire

I wouldn't F*** her with your D***

From: KSflatlander
20-Dec-22
“She was the best I could do with the car I had at the time.”

From: Vaquero 45
20-Dec-22
If she won't do it her sister will . Why they would sell you shit on a stick and you would buy it . (Lol) You dumbass same thing happened to you that happened to your uncle " Frank " ! You both married the first woman you saw Naked !

From: deerhunter72
20-Dec-22
"If I had his money, I'd throw mine in the creek"

"Good enough for government work"

From: WhattheFOC
20-Dec-22
She’d rather f**k than eat … and she’s hungry all the time.

From: Ambush
20-Dec-22
“If bullsh!t was brass, you’d own a whole brass band”

From: sundowner
20-Dec-22
Scoot, some are a southern thing.

From: Mpdh
20-Dec-22
He didn’t know whether to scratch his watch, or wind his ass!

From: midwest
20-Dec-22
"She'd trip you and beat you to the floor."

From: Scoot
20-Dec-22
Haha- given that I'm from up Nort, that makes sense, Sundowner!

From: Bigdog 21
20-Dec-22
You ain't seen shit yat. Listen boy.

From: Supernaut
20-Dec-22
"I'd rather drink gas and piss on a fire. "

Used to describe something you really don't want to do.

From: Smagmota
20-Dec-22
Like a twenty five cent whore on nickel night

Yer as _ucked up as Hogan's goat

Like I was up your ass kicking field goals

Beat your face, yardbirds

Slug 500 you NUG's

Gotta live hard to be hard

three bags full

i would'nt piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire

Hair eyeball's and teeth

Nothing like a good cup of shut the _uck up, Joe

Better to be safe than sane

From: grape
20-Dec-22
“Call me boy….I can stand flat footed and piss into the back end of a dump truck”.

20-Dec-22
" and if your aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle"

From: Woods Walker
20-Dec-22
When you have to settle for less........

"It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."

From: MOBEN
20-Dec-22
he went to shit and the hogs ate him, if it was up your ass you would know, tighter than dicks hatband

From: nchunter
20-Dec-22
My Mom would always say " i bet you dollars to a doughnut that you are wrong".

From: Buffalo1
20-Dec-22
Here are a couple more:

“Light a shuck” (hurry up)

“Tighter than Dick’s hat band” (Never knew who Dick was)

From: Basil
20-Dec-22
If the dog hadn’t stopped to shit he woulda caught the rabbit.

From: t-roy
20-Dec-22
“He’s so tight, you couldn’t drive a needle up his a$$ with a sledgehammer”

From: Hilltop
20-Dec-22
He’s nuttier than squirrel sh*t.

From: midwest
20-Dec-22
He so tight, if you shoved a nickel up his a$$, he'd sh!t out a dime.

From: fuzzy
20-Dec-22
"May as well laugh as to cry", "take a tater and wait" , "I'm as happy as if I had good sense", "gonna rain like a cow pissin on a flat rock", " put your hat on backwards so I'll think you're comin back"

From: Zbone
20-Dec-22

"He's blind in one eye and can't see out the other"

"You don't know sh!t from shinola"

Ted Nugent - "Ya got to kill it to grill it"

One I use a lot stole from a coworker friend - "Five dollars holding up twenty-five"

20-Dec-22
When asked a question you don't know answer to: " You got me by the antlers"

From: Basil
20-Dec-22
Gotta be tough if you’re gonna be stupid. Around machinery “don’t put your hand anywhere you wouldn’t stick your pecker.” Finer than frogs hair

From: btnbuck
20-Dec-22
From my dad...I would've been a fireman but my hose was too short and I have a hole in my bucket.

I'd rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire.

I wish I had two hats like that...One to sh!t in and one to cover it up with.

Talking about the trigger on a gun...Keep your booger hook off the bang stick

Hold my beer and watch this sh!t

From: Woods Walker
20-Dec-22
Don't know if this has alreay been posted....

For when someone states the obvious: "No shit Sherlock!"

From: Basil
20-Dec-22
They say every village has it’s idiot & now I’ve met the one from your town ;) Your folks have any kids that lived?

From: 70lbDraw
20-Dec-22
So… how long are y’all gonna beat this dead horse?!?!

From: Basil
20-Dec-22
Two short things on my body. One is my memory, can’t remember what the other is.

From: Papadeerhtr
20-Dec-22
Figures don't lie, but liars do figure from my grandpa I sure do miss him at times. Been gone since 86

From: Buffalo1
20-Dec-22
Here are a couple more:

“Light a shuck” (hurry up)

“Tighter than Dick’s hat band” (Never knew who Dick was)

From: TrapperKayak
20-Dec-22
Colder than the balls on a brass monkey in the Klondike.

From: Zbone
20-Dec-22
"Smoke'm if ya got'm"

21-Dec-22
I have to piss so bad, my back teeth are putting up sandbags.

21-Dec-22
I wouldn't piss in his mouth if he was dying of thirst.

From: Smagmota
21-Dec-22
like a monkey _ucking a football

Are you as _ucked up you want to be?

that man's deader than 5 O'Clock

Pound sand

That guy was doing cheetah flips

He's ODF . . . Out D'are Flappin

From: Lone Wolf
21-Dec-22
Between you, me and a fence post.

From: fdp
21-Dec-22
Dumber than a rock.

He could tear up an anvil.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

All hat and no cattle.

Crooked as a dog's hind leg.

Some people's kids

We're goin' to mom and them's.

Well, when ya'll come over we can cook a 'tater and visit.

So flat you can watch your dog run away for a week.

From: dizzydctr
21-Dec-22
You can't catch a possum with your dogs tied. I'm hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

From: dizzydctr
21-Dec-22
I've fallen from the heights of adversity to the depths of despair.

From: DanaC
21-Dec-22
Shoveling sh* against the tide.

From: WhattheFOC
21-Dec-22
When referring to a stupid person … “that guy could screw up the Lord’s Prayer”

Some of these sayings have alternate versions with a regional twist … only a Canadian would say ‘dumber than a pail of pucks’

From: deerhunter72
21-Dec-22
"Chicken today, feathers tomorrow"

"He wouldn't say sh** if he had a mouthful"

"Kids and dogs" Used to have a friend who would say this all the time, but I was never sure what he meant by it.

From: Rock
21-Dec-22
Dad, "You may not believe me now but someday you will look back and realize I was right" and he always was.

"Doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground"

"He is so Ugly his mother use to set him in the corner and feel him with a slingshot"

"I'll kick your Ass so hard you will have a permanent Turtleneck"

"If brains were dynamite you would not have enough to blow your nose"

From: fuzzy
21-Dec-22
Buffalo1 my dad had one a lot worse than that for tight. Lol

From: Twinetickler
21-Dec-22
Cut a big fart "You hear that asshole talking shit behind my back?"

Taking a dump "I gotta go drop the step kids off at the pool"

"That buck was so big he'll knock your dick in the dirt"

"Your proctologist called they found your head"

21-Dec-22
Taking a dump - "taking the Browns to the super bowl"

21-Dec-22
From Grandpap;

The only good snake is a dead one.

A dead snake will still bite ya.

From: pirogue
21-Dec-22
He’s so lazy, he wouldn’t say sooie, if the hogs were eating him.

He’s so bow legged, he couldn’t head a calf in the lane.

From: Woods Walker
21-Dec-22
I've got to pee so bad that my eyeballs are floating.

From: Woods Walker
21-Dec-22
From one of my best friends/hunting buddy in regards to deer movement and where/when to hunt........

"They are, where they're at, when they're are there."

From: Screwball
21-Dec-22
I love to go swimming with bow legged women and swim between their legs! Some people just talk to hear their jaws rattle. Finer than a frogs hair Better to dance with the devil you know. You reap what you sow

From: Shug
21-Dec-22
My mom would say…. If you do that again I’ll bust your fkn head open

From: Shug
21-Dec-22
My mom would say…. If you do that again I’ll bust your fkn head open

From: btnbuck
21-Dec-22
WW... That's what they always told me about elk.

After someone produces farts... Breath is the same but your voice has changed.

From: Zbone
22-Dec-22
"Graveyard dead"

"You could F up a wet dream"

From: Vaquero 45
22-Dec-22
Speaking this to a male you know " Why you dumbass on your wedding nite , You were the Virgin " !

Why don't you grow some balls ! You side saddle riding pussy ! .....

From: Vaquero 45
22-Dec-22
"It's over yonder " Like that can be any place in the direction there pointing .

Eat sh-t and bark at the moon .

"Why you couldn't punch your way out of a wet paper bag !

From: deerhunter72
22-Dec-22
My dad could count cards and his 2 favorite sayings whenever we played were:

"Go big or go home!"

"Think long, think wrong!"

From: fuzzy
22-Dec-22
"He'd climb a tree backwards to tell a lie before he'd stand on the ground and tell the truth "

22-Dec-22
He may seldom be right but never in doubt. He is not totally worthless, you can always use him as a bad example. Three kinds of people, those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened. Grandpa, when did you lose interest in women? Son, find someone older than me. I am only 91.

22-Dec-22
" a blind man on a galloping horse could see that" in reference to something quite obvious

From: TonyBear
22-Dec-22
You city folk (formerly you white people) are silly need to look at watch to see if hungry. That one came from great grandpa who was kicked out of places for looking too Indian ..

From: Huntiam
22-Dec-22
Never eat yellow snow

From: Vaquero 45
22-Dec-22
"You call this BEER " ? Sh-t I bet the can it came with cost more than this piss water inside it .

Anyone knowtice how a HO's fart never makes noise ? Or am I the only one ? Pay attention next time ......

"A Groom and his money are soon parted " .

From: Shiras42
23-Dec-22
"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining"

From: BigOk
23-Dec-22
Always tell new employees at work. "Never stick your fingers any where you would not stick your [email protected]&!$" Helps prevent hand injuries .

  • Sitka Gear