Sayings From the Past
Equipment
My Dad is gone for several years, but today I said something to one of my eight year old grandsons that I'd heard my dad say. He looked at me a bit puzzled and ask "what does that mean?"
I well remember hearing: "I'll show you where the bear shit in the buckwheat."
"Billy be damned if your getting away with that". Never knew who Billy was?
"Out behind the barn". Not sure what todays equivalent would be.
"You'll be kicking horse turds down the road, telling your woe to some feet"
"Chop wood, or eat grass"
I'm sure there are some local sayings as well that people heard from parents or grandparents.
My Uncle. Gonna have to dig another hole after this one to put the dirt in.
Hey Bill how've you been?
Awww fair to midland I guess.
Thought the title was misspelled and it meant to say “Sayings from Pat”, which would be much more entertaining…..
Your in deep hog shit know.
Grew up next to a highly decorated Korean War vet. Top notch deer hunter & consummate family man. Never once heard him cuss. A few of his were “egg sucking weasel ” gravy sucking pig” “ mercifull Menusa” “egg stealing dog”. Saddest thing I ever heard was taps being played as they rolled him out of the church.
That ain't worth a "Pinch of Shit"
Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra
As a teenager I would to split wood for him just because I enjoyed doing it but expected nothing in return. He would say “ thanks til you’re better paid”. Once in a while there would be a sack of Morgan silver dollars waiting for me on the splitting block.
From my grandmother....if you buy something cheap that is usually what you get. Always be in bed before 11 because nothing good happens after 11. I worked a bunch of homicides and if they would have been sleeping by 11.....
"Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra"......on the shady side of an igloo!
I trust him about as far as I could throw him upwind in a hurricane...with my bad arm.
**** you, and your friends too, but seeing as you don't have any friends, don't worry about it.
"his mother should have club him and sold the milk" "what is your head for a hat rack" "got more sleaze than a rattle snake" "it an't going to get the job done just sitting there" others would not pass the censor and leave it here.
It seems most of my everyday conversation contains phrases that the youngsters find novel and amusing. "You'd complain if you were hung with a new rope!" "It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock" "It's darker than the inside of a cow" Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs" "Even a blind squirrel gets a nut once in a while" Bill
Colder than a well diggers ass
He needs an anal-optomy. That's where they disconnect his eyes from his anus so he doesn't have such a sh*tty view of life.
“It’s time to come in from playing outside”. Kids don’t hear that one anymore
"It’s time to come in from playing outside. Kids don’t hear that one anymore"
No they don't! Sad.....
Best one my father always said.......
"Want a helping hand? There's one at the end of your arm."
“I’d rather you a thief than a liar.”
Huh? What? Aren’t all thieves liars lol? That one always puzzled me a bit.
Its hotter than a wool sock full of baked beans
Only speak when your spoken to.
Just standing there with your teeth in your mouth. Nervous as a pregnant nun at confession. It might not be long but it’s skinny
He's so full of crap he could blow up an onion sack.
Take the long way around the barn
I’d rather owe it to you than cheat you out of it
Busier than a one legged man at an ass kickin party.
From my dad. That’s no hill for a stepper
"If you can't improve upon the silence, then please contribute to it".
Drive it like it’s mine not yours
“Sweatin like a Polack takin a math test”
“You can always tell a Swede, but you can’t tell him much”
“You couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a scoop shovel”
“As nervous as Mike Tyson at a spelling bee”
Grinning like a jackass eating thistles
"Get up, you can sleep when you're dead" "He wont make a good pisshole in a snowbank" Dad actually is a kind man.
xin loi (sorry about that)
My Dad’s classic:
“It’s darker than the inside of a cow’s belly.”
I lost my Dad when when I was in my mid 20’s but some of his sayings still stick. This one was my favorite.
“He is as useless as tits on a bull”
NOW we're cookin' with gas!
He couldn't fight himself out of a wet paper bag.
(Going to take a pee) Need to go shake hands with the unemployed.
I’ll give you something to cry about!
"slower than cold tar walking uphill backwards"
"that's like trying to piss up a rope"
"nervous as a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory"
Not necessarily a saying, but my grandpa used to tell my dad that hedge posts were so durable that they’d outlast 3 post holes.
“Dumber than a sack of hammers”
“Hornier than a 3 peckered billygoat”
“Tougher than a boiled owl turd”
"I'm gonna work you like a borrowed mule".
Beat you like a red headed stepchild
Elementary school principal says “Bend over and grab your ankles.”
You knew the swats were about to commence!
Times have definitely changed! lol!
“If you could buy him for what he is worth and seek him for what he thinks he’s worth- you’d be a rich man”
“Looks good on paper, but will it work?”
“Whistling Dixie”
“Shut her down Leon, she’s pumping mud”
“It’s bugger dark out”
“He finished school before school finished him”
“The best way to avoid a misunderstanding is to have an understanding “
"Too soon old, too late smart".
“ It ain’t over til the fat lady sweats”
When grandpa was pissed off “Christ Almighty” and “Sons-a-Bitches”
From my pastor at bible school when I was a kid… “Ricky Lynn, you do that again and I’ll tan your skin”. ;)
Busier than a one armed paper hanger......... with crabs.
When we would fun afoul of the old man, he would tell me or my brother, sometimes both “Boy, I’m gonna beat the shit outa you, and then beat you for shittin’”. He made good on that at least four times that I remember……..and I deserved every one.
“Your eyes look like 2 piss holes in a snow bank” , “ he ain’t worth a cunt full of cold piss” , “ that won’t pull a sick whore off a piss pot” , “ he don’t know whether he’s jerkin off or canning peaches”. “ he couldn’t whip a one legged Indian in an ass kicken contest” not the most appropriate I know but some of my most memorable…
From L. R. Douglas DVM (My employer for several summers and mentor for life)
"Slippery as sour owl shit....." "Just barely perfect"
And from my Grandmother who grew up in the hills of Kentucky: "Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise"
You look like trying to put a wet noodle up a wild cats ass
Useless as tits on a wild boar
It was raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.
Felt like I was pissed at and missed. Then shit at and hit.
Dummer then a box of rocks. ,Slower then a 7 year itch.,. Go any slower you'll be backing up.
My Dad - "I might be dumb but I ain't stupid"...
Best to let em think you're an idiot than open your mouth and remove all doubt
Dad would say not to buy a new ______. Man made it and broke it and man can fix it.
Going to see a man about a dog.
Dad- It ain't gonna get done by looking at it.
"Dammit...Dont break the piss sack!" has become a regular saying between myself and a cousin after a successful rabbit hunt 20 years ago with my dad. Its amazing how many ways you can insert that in an everyday conversation!
I probably heard my dad say
"Those sons-a-bitches!"... at least several hundred thousand times. I was about 10-11 yrs old before I found out that my real first name wasnt... Dammit! Probably why I'm so thick skinned... and glad to have it.
He could sell ice to the Eskimo's & then sell them the freezer to put it in!
My Uncle Herb, " boy oh boy oh boy".
Youins see anything today
It was “darker than the inside of a cow” this morning.
Comments from americas dairyland
"As tight as a bullfrog's ass" "Lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut"
My daughter rolls her eyes every time I say I wasn’t born yesterday.
If you were half as smart as you think you are, you'd be twice as smart as you are.
Better to be a smartass than a dumbass.
That'll hold, till the cows come home.
Ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it outta.
I have a couple that come to mind. There is only one way to get it done son that cotton pickin pot licker nothing ventured nothing gained
One my uncle would always use… “If I tell ya it’s Easter, then ya better hide your eggs.”
My boss before he retired, "I could hide my own Easter eggs"
When questioned on the veracity of a fact or subject.
“ If I say a mouse can pull a train up a mountain. You hook his ass up! “
Sticks out like a turd in a punch bowl.
Summer intern's first day on the job. My, co-worked asked him if he brought his saddle? Intern was perplexed and said what? Co-worker said, "Did you bring your saddle?"...because I'm gonna ride you hard!!
"She's been banged more times than a screen door in a hurricane!"
My dad always said when something looked bad or messed up, it was all kaddywhompous!
Don’t know if that spelling is correct but that’s how it sounded to me.
My Father-in-Law when asked how he was doin', "Better than I was, but not as good as I was before I got as bad as I am now."
from Hunting with the late Lamont Granger You'll never kill anything if you don't put some arrows in the air We didn't come here to pet the damn things
Colder than a brass monkeys ass. Older than a box of rocks.
My daughter rolls her eyes every time I say I wasn’t born yesterday.
Slicker than greased owl shit
"You don't know shit from applebutter"
When I was a kid I'd pester my dad to box with me either with gloves on or just open hand. I was so little he'd fight from his knees and it was one of my favorite things to do with him.
He had a couple good sayings before or during these bouts:
"I'll hit you with so many rights you'll beg for a left"
"One hand of iron. One hand of steel. If the right one don't get you the left one will."
While holding up his left fist "Life in the hospital"
Then switching to his right fist "Instant death"
Man those were good times and my dad was and still is one tough customer.
Your ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower
“You better pack a lunch, ‘cause I’m gonna knock you into next week”
My one sweet old Aunt would threaten us with “ Your ache’n for break’n, cruise’n for a bruise’n and hound’n for a pound’n “ Then she’d give us cookies instead :)
“I’ll hit you so hard, your whole family will hurt!”
I'm surprised this one hasn't been mentioned.....
"**** you and the horse you rode in on!"
From my dad...."When I start to find fault with all that I see, it's time to start looking for what's wrong with me."
I’ll stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry!
When my father was making something that required measuring and cutting to length, he’d often say “it’s just a red c**t hair too long, or too short.” One day, I asked him, “why red?” He said, “someday you’ll understand, son.” I figured it out in college. ;-)
Matt
One of my older neighbors " shit mama, I can't dance... got no ballroom"
Dad pulling a trailer up Raton Pass on a hot summers day.
“ This is the one that separates the men from the boys!”
"Pack yer shit and git"..........
I'm only 41 and use some of these all the time :) Not so much old sayings I guess where I'm from.
My paternal grandpa would tell my mom about marrying my dad "You drove your ducks to a poor market."
He was full of them. can't think of any right now . . .
A few that come to mind. Most of them still in frequent use;)
"You look like you've been rode hard and put up wet"
"dumber than a box of rocks"
"penny wise and pound foolish"
"got a good case of the red ass"
"really got your tit in the wringer"
"like a horse to the barn"
"drier than a popcorn fart"
"looks wacker-jawed to me"
GG, the acronym is ‘rch’. Use of the acronym allows this term to be used in settings where you would never use the full version. I throw rch out there every now and then - the guys get it but the women never do :)
A few more favorites:
"can't swing a dead cat without hitting one".
"busier than a one-armed paper hanger"
"busier than a one-legged man at an ass kickin contest"
"nervous as a cat"
"as poor as a church mouse"
"tighter than dick's hatband"
RCH typically refers to approximately 30 microns or .0011". In my world, that's a wide open tolerance. Been designing and making chips for 40 years. Our one engineering prof used the term RCH, in its more complete vernacular, quite often.
You don’t know shit from shinola
I don't know if this one made the list yet, but it's an old stand by
"sweatin like a whore in church"
also,
"wound tighter than a two dollar watch"
"hit you hard enough to knock your cock stiff"
“Any brains he ever had, he ate with a spoon.”
“Grinning like a jackass with a mouth full of briars”.
“Wipe that shit eating grin off your face”.
So dumb he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were wrote on the bottom.
Can’t tell turds from taters.
"1 will be dag blamed".....Any of you old guys know what this even means?
"Off like a prom dress"
"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining"
"Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first"
And one of my favorites from when I was a kid...."Only two kinds of people wear their hats backwards son, welders and c*cksuckers and I don't see any sparks flying."
"My old lady hits harder than that."
Not what you want to hear if you're engaged in fist a cuffs but if you're the person saying it or thinking it you're gonna do OK most of the time.
Have to say I’ve heard most of these but never the backwards hat….LOL
You better be careful if you mess with the bull, you'll get the horns!
You could break a crowbar in a sand pile.
I used to work with an old carpenter his two favorites Good enough for the girls we go with We ain't building no baby grand
On the other hand, there's 4 fingers.
Eyes shined like 2 rubys in a bucket of shit.
Teeth like 2 kernels of corn up a hogs ass.
He could eat corn through a picket fence
Day late and a dollar short.
Madder than a wet hen!
Can’t shoot a deer sitting on the couch watching TV!
You’re lying and your feet stink! If it was really bad, you add to it “..and you don’t love Jesus!”
Smells like shit, looks like shit, it’s probably shit!
“ If it cost a nickel to shit……he’d puke!!
"His eyes looked like two piss holes in a snow bank".
WhattheFOC.....I've never heard it as rch. I've heard it called a TURTLE ch, "tch". Or even just "ch". Weird, huh?
And one more.....
"Don't write a check with your mouth that you're ass can't cash."
“Don’t let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird a$$”
That board is too long, take a scoch off. A tad would be too much. I was doing carpenter work one time and the brick layer asked me to cut him a piece of 2X4. I asked him how long did he want it and he said, "two bricks and a hammer." That is the honest truth.
It would take a big man to kick my ass, wouldn't take him very long though.
Harder than woodpecker lips.
It's been real and it's been fun but it hasn't been real fun.
I could agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.
My dad used to say "apple pie without cheese is like a hug without a squeeze"
Ha - I was hanging a couple heads up in my office tonight and used rch - my wife looked at me like ‘what the foc?”
A new one for me … awhile back I told a buddy (just kidding) that I was thinking about hanging up the bow and getting a crossbow. His response … ‘that’s gay as cum on a moustache’.
He had the red ass so bad he could blown up a rectal thermometer!
“Tight as bark on a tree”
“Come hell or high water”
Got more excuses than Carter has liver pills”
“Use your head, that lump 2 ft above your a?!”
“Don’t know your a!? from your elbow”
“Not the sharpest knife in the drawer”
“Couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn”
An old fire captain would wake us every morning saying "Let go of your cocks and put on your socks, time to go to work."
One of my Dad’s favorites was “I’ll kick your butt up a-straddle your neck!”’
And from his Gunny when he was trying to qualify with a 1911: “Lieutenant, I don’t believe you could hit yourself in the ass with either hand.” Not so much a problem for an MD.
When something would hurt or be difficult. “Well, that’ll put a kink in your plow line”.
Good enough for who it’s for.
Get up! We’re late! It’s daylight in the swamp
The one I use quite a bit from John Wayne - "Daylight's Burning"...
Colder than a well diggers ass.
Some I still use all the time, some from my dad:
When someone asks, "How are you doing?" Answer: "If I was doing any better, I'd have to take something for it."
When someone asks, "How are you?" Answer: "Better than nothing."
When someone shows me a really cool hack: "Well, that's just slicker than c*m on a gold tooth!"
When I call anyone at their job: "Sorry to wake you up from your nap."
When someone shows me a product I don't like: "I wouldn't have one of those shoved up my a$$ if I had room for a steam shovel and the Queen Mary."
When talking about some scummy family: "They have the only house in town you have to wipe your feet off to go outdoors."
Steam shovel and Queen Mary.....LMOA!!!!
Gonna use that one!! Sounds like a smart phone, or worse yet ALEXA!
Agreed Paul. And from my youth....."May I be excused from the table?"
I used to work with this guy that when someone (mainly women) would bring up losing weight in conversation.....such as, I've been watching my diet and have lost 10 pounds, he'd say, "Look in back and you'll find it". Always made me laugh and sometimes cringe depending on who he said it to.
From my brother in law: "I didn't know whether to shit or go blind, so I closed one eye and farted."
"Some people don't know. And some don't even suspect".
"The truth will stand when the world is on fire".
Sometimes your house burns up......and sometimes your house burns down".
"If I had his money, I'd burn mine".
"That's how it goes.....first your ass and then your clothes."
When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging".
"Put your finger on the trigger and your eye on the hog".
My Dad, on working boys:
"A boy is a boy. Two boys are half a boy, and three boys ain't no boy at all".
"A business partner is good for one thing: to take half your money".
"That's a wierd place.....there's dirt all over the ground."
"While there are fast cars and slow possums, I won't be eating any rattlesnake".
"It's hotter than the hinges of hell".
"I feel lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut".
G.O.L.F. ----- "Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden"
"Are all painters drunks, or are all drunks painters?"
I got money I ain't even spent yet
I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire
I wouldn't F*** her with your D***
“She was the best I could do with the car I had at the time.”
If she won't do it her sister will . Why they would sell you shit on a stick and you would buy it . (Lol) You dumbass same thing happened to you that happened to your uncle " Frank " ! You both married the first woman you saw Naked !
"If I had his money, I'd throw mine in the creek"
"Good enough for government work"
She’d rather f**k than eat … and she’s hungry all the time.
“If bullsh!t was brass, you’d own a whole brass band”
Scoot, some are a southern thing.
He didn’t know whether to scratch his watch, or wind his ass!
"She'd trip you and beat you to the floor."
You ain't seen shit yat. Listen boy.
"I'd rather drink gas and piss on a fire. "
Used to describe something you really don't want to do.
Like a twenty five cent whore on nickel night
Yer as _ucked up as Hogan's goat
Like I was up your ass kicking field goals
Beat your face, yardbirds
Slug 500 you NUG's
Gotta live hard to be hard
three bags full
i would'nt piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire
Hair eyeball's and teeth
Nothing like a good cup of shut the _uck up, Joe
Better to be safe than sane
“Call me boy….I can stand flat footed and piss into the back end of a dump truck”.
" and if your aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle"
When you have to settle for less........
"It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."
he went to shit and the hogs ate him, if it was up your ass you would know, tighter than dicks hatband
My Mom would always say " i bet you dollars to a doughnut that you are wrong".
Here are a couple more:
“Light a shuck” (hurry up)
“Tighter than Dick’s hat band” (Never knew who Dick was)
If the dog hadn’t stopped to shit he woulda caught the rabbit.
“He’s so tight, you couldn’t drive a needle up his a$$ with a sledgehammer”
He’s nuttier than squirrel sh*t.
He so tight, if you shoved a nickel up his a$$, he'd sh!t out a dime.
"May as well laugh as to cry", "take a tater and wait" , "I'm as happy as if I had good sense", "gonna rain like a cow pissin on a flat rock", " put your hat on backwards so I'll think you're comin back"
"He's blind in one eye and can't see out the other"
"You don't know sh!t from shinola"
Ted Nugent - "Ya got to kill it to grill it"
One I use a lot stole from a coworker friend - "Five dollars holding up twenty-five"
When asked a question you don't know answer to: " You got me by the antlers"
Gotta be tough if you’re gonna be stupid. Around machinery “don’t put your hand anywhere you wouldn’t stick your pecker.” Finer than frogs hair
From my dad...I would've been a fireman but my hose was too short and I have a hole in my bucket.
I'd rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire.
I wish I had two hats like that...One to sh!t in and one to cover it up with.
Talking about the trigger on a gun...Keep your booger hook off the bang stick
Hold my beer and watch this sh!t
Don't know if this has alreay been posted....
For when someone states the obvious: "No shit Sherlock!"
They say every village has it’s idiot & now I’ve met the one from your town ;) Your folks have any kids that lived?
So… how long are y’all gonna beat this dead horse?!?!
Two short things on my body. One is my memory, can’t remember what the other is.
Figures don't lie, but liars do figure from my grandpa I sure do miss him at times. Been gone since 86
Here are a couple more:
“Light a shuck” (hurry up)
“Tighter than Dick’s hat band” (Never knew who Dick was)
Colder than the balls on a brass monkey in the Klondike.
I have to piss so bad, my back teeth are putting up sandbags.
I wouldn't piss in his mouth if he was dying of thirst.
like a monkey _ucking a football
Are you as _ucked up you want to be?
that man's deader than 5 O'Clock
Pound sand
That guy was doing cheetah flips
He's ODF . . . Out D'are Flappin
Between you, me and a fence post.
Dumber than a rock.
He could tear up an anvil.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
All hat and no cattle.
Crooked as a dog's hind leg.
Some people's kids
We're goin' to mom and them's.
Well, when ya'll come over we can cook a 'tater and visit.
So flat you can watch your dog run away for a week.
You can't catch a possum with your dogs tied. I'm hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.
I've fallen from the heights of adversity to the depths of despair.
Shoveling sh* against the tide.
When referring to a stupid person … “that guy could screw up the Lord’s Prayer”
Some of these sayings have alternate versions with a regional twist … only a Canadian would say ‘dumber than a pail of pucks’
"Chicken today, feathers tomorrow"
"He wouldn't say sh** if he had a mouthful"
"Kids and dogs" Used to have a friend who would say this all the time, but I was never sure what he meant by it.
Dad, "You may not believe me now but someday you will look back and realize I was right" and he always was.
"Doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground"
"He is so Ugly his mother use to set him in the corner and feel him with a slingshot"
"I'll kick your Ass so hard you will have a permanent Turtleneck"
"If brains were dynamite you would not have enough to blow your nose"
Buffalo1 my dad had one a lot worse than that for tight. Lol
Cut a big fart "You hear that asshole talking shit behind my back?"
Taking a dump "I gotta go drop the step kids off at the pool"
"That buck was so big he'll knock your dick in the dirt"
"Your proctologist called they found your head"
Taking a dump - "taking the Browns to the super bowl"
From Grandpap;
The only good snake is a dead one.
A dead snake will still bite ya.
He’s so lazy, he wouldn’t say sooie, if the hogs were eating him.
He’s so bow legged, he couldn’t head a calf in the lane.
I've got to pee so bad that my eyeballs are floating.
From one of my best friends/hunting buddy in regards to deer movement and where/when to hunt........
"They are, where they're at, when they're are there."
I love to go swimming with bow legged women and swim between their legs! Some people just talk to hear their jaws rattle. Finer than a frogs hair Better to dance with the devil you know. You reap what you sow
My mom would say…. If you do that again I’ll bust your fkn head open
My mom would say…. If you do that again I’ll bust your fkn head open
WW... That's what they always told me about elk.
After someone produces farts... Breath is the same but your voice has changed.
"Graveyard dead"
"You could F up a wet dream"
Speaking this to a male you know " Why you dumbass on your wedding nite , You were the Virgin " !
Why don't you grow some balls ! You side saddle riding pussy ! .....
"It's over yonder " Like that can be any place in the direction there pointing .
Eat sh-t and bark at the moon .
"Why you couldn't punch your way out of a wet paper bag !
My dad could count cards and his 2 favorite sayings whenever we played were:
"Go big or go home!"
"Think long, think wrong!"
"He'd climb a tree backwards to tell a lie before he'd stand on the ground and tell the truth "
He may seldom be right but never in doubt. He is not totally worthless, you can always use him as a bad example. Three kinds of people, those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened. Grandpa, when did you lose interest in women? Son, find someone older than me. I am only 91.
" a blind man on a galloping horse could see that" in reference to something quite obvious
You city folk (formerly you white people) are silly need to look at watch to see if hungry. That one came from great grandpa who was kicked out of places for looking too Indian ..
"You call this BEER " ? Sh-t I bet the can it came with cost more than this piss water inside it .
Anyone knowtice how a HO's fart never makes noise ? Or am I the only one ? Pay attention next time ......
"A Groom and his money are soon parted " .
"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining"
Always tell new employees at work. "Never stick your fingers any where you would not stick your p@&!$" Helps prevent hand injuries .
