Contributors to this thread:
Nothing too funny so far in this time zone.
Yesterday I was working on a joke about mixing up my meds, skipping the Aricept and doubling up on Viagra. Now I can't remember what I came up with.
...and Ed did pretty good with that shot, considering that he DIDN'T BEND AT THE WAIST!!
My son was chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
My son asked me if trees poop….I said yes, where do you think #2 pencils come from.
...and they come with their own TP, the ERASERS! ;-)
Lewis, some dogs are pointers and some are retrievers....that dog appears to be a receiver :)
It's a cross between a setter and a pointer, an upsetter and a disappointer.
Reference TSA shirt.....But how can you be sure??
Dana gotta be North Carolina Lewis
I laf every time I see him now.
Did you hear about the young boy that was born with five penises? His pants fit him like a glove.....
Montanatom: You can say that again.
Hmmm remind you of anyone lol ??
The senior flight attendant came in to offer meals and the captain let the FO eat first. His meal came and he set the tray on the two-pillow stack on his lap. Then he bowed his head, closed his eyes, and took a good 30 seconds in silent, but obvious, prayer. The captain watched. When the FO raised his head, the captain said, “Wow. you actually pray over one of those things.” The FO said, “You actually eat one of these things without praying?”
Kevin McCarthy loses 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th votes for House speaker. BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAAA
It's been brought to my attention that I inadvertently harvested those last two from this very thread then re posted them. If that ain't funny you ain't paying attention. Lol
Now that’s ^^^pretty damn funny right there.
It’s “killed”, not “harvested” Fuzzy….
Too bad Paul May is such an anti-hunting Vegan. With all that animal research he has opposed maybe the treatments for AIDs now developed could have saved Freddy Mercury for another generation or two. But I'll go with his Fat Bottomed Girls Theory.
One more have a great day y’all
LOL! His acronym should be changed for SBF, to SFB...... S *** F or B rains!
The "Ted" had a funny. Stated that Republican women are prettier. Reason is they don't have a penis.
Lol..yal got some good ones
Good ones Lewis!
My Dad used to roll us kids down the hill in tires....ah those were the goodyears!!
I opened my water and electric bills at the same time.....I was shocked!!
Looks like about ten pizzas-worth of bullets have been shot through that target.
That pizza box target is cool, I've actually used pizza boxes as targets...8^) Is that for real, if so, yeah, great marketing...
What do women have in common with dog poop ??
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
For someone reason this one made me think of Jordon ;)
Why are womens feet so small?
So they can get closer to the sink to wash the dishes.
FYI I didn’t post the dead yote Lewis
This ties into the shampoo joke. So ludicrous it has to be a joke. Be sure to tell your friends when going hunting, "I am heading into the practicum",
Well scentman, I sent your question about women having small feet to my wife today. Here was her response. ;-)
See? Camo works! I wonder if she had Scent-Scam on too?
Lung, what's said on bowsite stays on bowsite;0] My wife said something similar lol!
Hah! That Maverick one is good! Still a good movie though
Pirate joke: what's the difference between Captain Kidd and long John Silver?
Captain Kidd was almost six feet tall, Long John Silver was exactly one foot short.
Great balls of fire was 25 years old when the first Top Gun came out no more or less realistic everyone would have know it in that one either.
Most unrealistic thing about 'Yellowstone' (besides no snow) - when Rip tells Beth to calm down, and she *does*.
Aww....it's just BUCKING! Get yer feet out in front of you, sit back and yell, WHOOPIE! And besides, it's more of a crow hop than a real buck!
And here I always thought the punchline on that joke was “chewing gum”….
Gun Logic 1 - Eleven teens die each day because of texting while driving. Maybe it's time to raise the age of Smart Phone ownership to 21.
2 - If gun control laws actually worked, Chicago would be Mayberry, USA.
3 - The Second Amendment makes more women equal than the entire feminist movement.
4 - Legal gun owners have 300 million guns and probably a trillion rounds of ammo. Seriously, folks, if we were the problem, you'd know it.
5 - When JFK was killed, nobody blamed the rifle.
6 - The NRA (National Rifle Association) murders 0 people and receives ($$$$ 0) nothing in government funds. Planned Parenthood kills 350,000 babies every year and receives $500,000,000 in tax dollars annually.
7 - I have no problem with vigorous background checks when it comes to firearms. While we're at it, let's do the same when it comes to immigration, Voter I.D., and candidates running for office. 8 - Folks keep talking about another Civil War. One side knows how to shoot and probably has a trillion rounds. The other side has crying closets and is confused about which bathroom to use. How do you think that would work out? 9 A man who left 300,000 guns for the Taliban is lecturing folks on gun control. Don’t be afraid to share this. There’s more logic and common sense expressed here than probably anything you have seen on the news today.
Alt...GREAT post, but not a "funny"! It will get passed on!
5 - When JFK was killed, nobody blamed the rifle. Yes they did, the Gun Control Act of 1968 was the result.
Actually, I think it was two Kennedys and one MLK that caused the GCA68.
Altitude Sickness 's Link
Oops... program description was to follow the pic.
Buying an electric vehicle? Get one of these go-anywhere adapters and travel worry-free.
Washington - Today a group of activists met and formed a new coalition. The coalition, People for the Ethical Treatment of Earth's Rocks, or PETER for short , declared that it will campaign against cruel to "that unprotected minority, rocks and stones."
A spokesperson for the group, Lotta Fumduckers, said, "We are serving notice, that inhumane treatment of these humble citizens of our planet will no longer be tolerated. "
Ms. Fumduckers stated that the group will campaign against "rock oppression" on all levels. "Kids who skim stones across pond will he taught that the stones have an inherent right to be left to lie in peace on the shore. Nobody his a right to subject these innocent creatures to such violent displacement. Highway workers who routinely dynamite huge areas of rock will be taught sensitivity to Gaea the earth mother. The same goes for "rockhounds" and others who condone the senseless collection of our stone brothers and sisters."
Ms. Fumduckers was especially concerned about gemologists and jewelers. "Jewelry makers, especially those who polish gems and stones for senseless human vanity and adornment, will be subjected to severe criticism. Nobody will be allowed to casually abuse these downtrodden citizens for mere pleasure," she said.
"We are putting the entire De Beers group, and others of their ilk, on warning. Those who support these stone murderers, by flaunting the dead carcasses of gemstones on their fingers and around their necks, will be publicly shamed for their callous attitudes to our little friends."
Ms. Fumduckers furthers stated that it would no longer be considered appropriate to refer to "pet rocks" as such. They should instead be referred to as "rock companions."
Dana......DON'T GIVE THE FUMDUCKERS ANY IDEAS!!! ;-)
And Joe once said that Hunter was the smartest man he knows, that’s sayin something
Altitude Sickness, there’s a lot of those.
Dale this is where this current mindset ends up
The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain so, the king and the queen went fishing.
On the way, he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting. The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace. In just a short time I expect a huge rainstorm."
The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." So, the king continued his way.
However, in a short time, torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to execute the meteorologist.
Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."
So, the king hired the donkey.
And so began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.
And thus, the symbol of the Democrat Party was born.
The practice continues to this day.
Gunny I loved that one lol.
You TN guys should get this lol
Thanks for that post Gunny!
LOL! The only grimacing I've done has been in the last 2 years since your pedo-hair sniffing, senile, corrupt swamp whore got fraudulently "elected" and trashed the economy, emboldened and ARMED our enemies, and allowed an invasion of our southern border. And the bastid ain't done yet......
Good one! Be fun to see the ladies version of that one.
Altitude Sickness...that's a goodun..you would think folks would figure that out
Woods Walker's Link
Have y'all seen the movie 'Constipation'?
It hasn't come out yet.
A good cabin fever game....make sure the sound is on!
How can you tell if it's your turn to do the laundry?
1. Look down your pants. 2. Do you have a penis? 3. Yes, it's not your turn.