Serious treestand call of nature ???
Elk
I plan to spend some quality time the first several days in a treestand from sun up until I can't stand it any longer...or sundown. Quality hours in any case.
I wish I could just dump a load first thing in the morning and be done with that bit of mother nature.....but generally I have multiple sessions throughout the morning. I don't want to be climbing up and down outta the stand all morning, disrupting opportunities, having to dig holes off away from the hunt spot to do the deed time and again.
Wondering if I can take a pack of gallon zip locks and make that work up in the stand? So long as I can do it without falling on my safety line and getting chit everywhere....it seems doable in theory. Then just seal it up and pack it back to camp. No fuss, no (hopefully) muss.
Anyone done this? Maybe I need a small trashbag to make sure I have plenty of space and a big enough opening not to miss......particularly the really wet ones that have plagued me lately....like making pancake batter more than little statutes of Lou......
Sorry if this offends, and I admit it is funny like most bathroom humor.....but I really am serious.
The man-bun granola munchers use something called "WAG bags" that have a gel inside. I bet REI carries them in pleasing colors. Otherwise, those people double-bag in freezer-strength Ziplocks.
Or you can let 'er fly and tidy up below your stand when you climb down.
I’m lucky I go first thing in the morning. I’ve never had to take #2 in a stand yet.
I hear you on option #2 Lou....but I'd hate to stink up the area with that (plus knowing me I'd hit a few climbing steps.....ewwww
WAG bags with gel.....um.....hell to the no.....unless they come in purple.......yeah...no
Please.... no video on how this is supposed to work!
I have never let it fly from the stand but there has been occurrences of scrambling down the tree and heading down wind of the stand to drop trousers to relieve the pressure.
Throw the wet wipes in a zip lock bag and it’s back in the stand.
Man has been hunting and pooping for thousands of yrs and in 2024 you haven't figured it out?
I predict this thread going to the shitter... tottaly being fecishous;0) scentman
Multiple sessions? I'd be looking at your diet first.
Just get down and go take a dump. Not 1 animal knows the difference between your crap and another animal's crap.
I’m with Brotsky! I couldn’t imagine trying to hit a ziplock or WAG bag up in a tree stand with safety harness on without creating a giant mess or worse! (Hanging by your safety harness with your pants down! ;-)
Being a bit dehydrated and cheese is your friend. At least elk hunting doesn't involve chest waders.
That's why I prefer ground blinds. I can load up the game cart with portable blind, fuzzy blanket, and a portable toilet. Wheel it all in and set up in a travel corridor 1/2 mile from feed and 1/2 mile from private. I stay in the blind all day and all night so I'm ready for action at first light.
More serious, I'd think it would have to be less commotion to just climb down and do business, compared to trying to chit in a zip lock bag, and clean up, in a tree stand. Keep us posted though.
Not surprised………………..Lou was right! : )
No way am i bagging. Get down or let er fall from way up. Just like all the other critters, maybe bag the paper
I started laffing at "I can load up a game cart........." and stopped right there laffing. Um no. Then I read the rest. LOL
I think you are Spot On Forest.....always thought the same but folks here have gotten rather poopy about my not taking time to burry the poo or clean up a sprayed tree in the past so was thinking I oughter be more sensitive about keeping it outta the woods.
I hadn't really thought through the issue of the tree strap and not having a rear access zipper in my pants. I guess I'm climbing down.......... shit.
I once had an EMERGENCY while in my climber. I'd have lost the battle if I climbed down... So I managed to do the deed from elevation. I rattled in a buck that day, and he got wiggy on the downwind side. He was just a little to far to shoot... But I'd have been in a world of hurt, and my pants, and possibly boots would have been to if I'd tried to hold on.
So... It's possible... But be really careful stepping off the stand at ground level, and dont plan on hunting the same tree for a little while...
Just thinking out loud here…………….do hunting pants or coveralls made for women have a zipper in (bottom of) the crotch?
Just drop the brown bomber.
I was serious....although I hoped for a little fun along the way.....but the safety issue is just too serious to play around with it. Which would be gross enough anyway. Thanks for the input on managing the output.
Bring a friend with you like this! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73aMK1dTCjY
I have never witnessed elk freak out like a whitetail would when crossing my freshly walked path. I would slowly climb down to do the morning business….but take your bow!!!
Don't forget you have a trail camera aimed at your tree stand.
OMG Griz! Now I have seen it ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I certainly hope he was joking about SUCKING the air out of that POOP bag! ;-)
If you're that "anal" (pardon the pun) about it, just do the colonoscopy prep solution thing the night before and you should be "good to go"...(another unintended pun)
Just thinking out loud here…………….do hunting pants or coveralls made for women have a zipper in (bottom of) the crotch?
No they do not and we don't want a zipper down there anyway, lol. Climb down and bury it.
Wake up 10 minutes earlier than normal and drink stronger coffee immediately, much stronger.
Political threads and now this? Wait a minute-combine them-we'd get the same thing. Seriously, no way I'm pooping in a bag while in a tree stand. Imagine if you will, your pants are around your ankles, your bow is hung (no pun intended), your butt is not camoed and has never seen the sun, you wear whitey-tighties, your hands are firmly gripping the bag to your butt, and in comes an elk, deer, bear, etc. Just climb down, find an out of the way spot, do your business, and get back in the stand. Keep your bow in arms reach. Practice shooting from the "rice paddy" prone position. LOL, man.
Reminds of a sort of related story, friend of mine was talking to his buddy who was a salesman on his way to a meeting and coffee got to him so he pulls over drops trough and relieved himself... well it started pouring and he hurriedly finished up and went to the meeting with 5 other salesman. Well in his hurry the feces was on his pants and jacket along with his hands when he shook hands with the group... he actually left the meeting and quit the salesman job! scentman
Was that you scentman? is that how you got your handle? Come on you can tell us
No I was never in sales, but that's a true story... I am guilty of social embarrassment but not in that category;0) scentman
Jordan- 1) get down from the stand, 2) walk a ways downwind, 3) do your thing, 4) get back in stand.
An old man told me 1) gag yourself with your toothbrush 1st thing in the morning 2) if that doesn't work stick your finger up your butt and yell "snake" (he offered his services)
Look on the bright side...if you fart loud enough a buck might mistake it for the snort/wheeze and come running!
I trust a fart like I trust a politician......
Im pretty sure one morning after a fish fry /beer bash I climbed down and killed a cedar tree.....oh the humanity.I figured anything that smelled it didn't think it was human.
Jordan, have you ever heard of the term "sharted"? Be careful my friend. scentman
I do not think this is a solution but damn.....lol
One of the most critical pieces of gear I take along when I'm camping is a toilet seat with fold out legs. Don't remember when I got it, but it's at least 40 years old and still in very serviceable condition.
Drop a deuce out of a tree stand? That's an absolute non-starter for me. I'd tell it that it's just going to have to wait, or worst case, I'd climb down the tree (with my bow) and take care of business.
I always enjoy Jordan's hunting exploits, if he doesn't kill an elk I will at least get several good laughs along with him! Best of luck this year and don't try anything silly in your tree stand!
Take some immodium on the way to the woods. Be careful...you may need some experimentation to determine what's too much.
I was in a deer camp with a guy years ago who had a deer stand emergency. He managed to come down the tree in his climber and get down wind of the stand a few yards. He then climbed back up to finish the hunt, but he couldn’t quit smelling crap. He finally looked at the collar of his coveralls and saw that he’d shit on his outfit.
The easy way is a large garbage bag , works pretty well . Can handle more than one time if need be Tie it off and tuck in back of stand till your ready to leave.
Oddly enough…. I was at an REI yesterday and saw that someone had returned a dump bucket. Contoured seat and the whole works. Must be juste thing in one of those big, permanent stands. Hell, we used to haul a pickle bucket up there just to have a place to sit anyway….
Kinda like olddogrib, I took an enema the day before I started my polar bear bowhunt.....saved me from "freezing my ass off" for about 4 days.....and by the time that next nature call arrived, I had devised a really cool (sorry, couldn't resist) way to handle it without getting too cold.
Somebody, over on the LW I think, confessed to such a crisis many years ago. They will remain nameless, mainly because I forgot. But Lord, let me not find levity in the misfortunes of others, for there go I! The guy was hit by the 5-alarm "flungy-dungy's" and only had time to turn, drop trou, bend, join the tree-huggers and let her fly! (Another reason you should always wear a safety harness, more clearance) The forces of Nature will often conspire to make a bad situation worse. I don't recall if it was the breeze, crooked tree, all the above or what. His screw-in steps and the trunk got "strafed"! Only thing worse would've been if he was in a Baker! Facing two difficult choices, descend or end it all, he made the correct one...pro-life! Because as far as I'm aware, he's still with us to deny it all!
Bahahaha. BAKER tree. Stand one must admit Thats showing your age
I ain’t taking a dump from anywhere my feet ain’t on the ground and I have been in the situation that Lawdog posted a picture of. That said, my biggest WT with a bow came five minutes after I had relieved myself of the pain and hurried back to my popup. I had barely gotten my release back on and got settled when he walked down the trail I was set up on. It would be my luck to chit on my ladder or fall out and have bigger problems.
Have a plan for both. Sometimes you wait too long and then realize the positions and stress of getting from stand to ladder to ground are not conducive to maintaining sphinctoral control thus necessitating an "air drop."
A buddy of mine is a big fan of Immodium for weekend camping trips and adventure races. Must be something he picked up in Rangers…
But I wouldn’t do it often. Immodium is really intended for getting you through a flight to get you home from wherever you were when you ate or drank that Something You Shouldn’t Have, and The Runs are your body’s way of purging the toxic slop that’s making you sick…. I haven’t checked the Literature, but it wouldn’t shock me to learn that failure to poop regularly is a substantial risk factor for colon cancer.
So maybe get over yourself and get good at pooping in the woods….
Think about this! You have two hands to hold open a bag to drop a load in. You may want to try it before ascending a tree.
Pulling open a bag with two hands leaves a very small slit of an opening and was something that should have been tried at ground level with a water hose nearby not experimented in a tree stand because it sounded like a good idea.
Solo
You only have one (safe) choice. To accomplish any method in a treestand, you have to remove your harness to get your pants down, unless of course you wear a shirt, or kilt if you feel insecure about your manliness. Then do you put your harness back on before your hang over the edge or the bag? Then take it off again to pull up your pants?
Do you really want to be found dead, pants down, covered in shit at the bottom of your tree. Or worse yet, you survive to be become the butt of all the dump jokes at camp.
You really only have two decisions to make. Bag or ground. At my permanent blind, before the season starts and the ground freezes, I dig a two foot deep hole about twenty yards back in the thick dog hair poplar saplings.
I used to have a gel bag in my blind, but could never get up the courage to use it. What if I missed!!
If this is a regular problem, pick a spot near your stand before hand and dig a hole about three quarters of your draw length from a sapling. Or find a log the right height, but check for ants and wasps first.
If you’re really lucky you’ll find a downed tree with a sturdy fork in it. That’s Gold!
Read the book “Shitty Heels” by the Chinese author Hoo Flung Dung.
“ Or find a log the right height, but check for ants and wasps first.”
Sage advice all around, Ambush, but that last bit is priceless!
I would just add/echo that it’s always a great idea to have a hole prepped… last year one of the freeze-dried dinners got to my brother in the middle of the night and he had to dash out of the tent under a heavy mix of rain & sleet…..
One other piece of advice, seemingly good whether on the stand or on the ground, if you're going to squat in the woods, don't lose your balance.
The Poop Pack. Never leave home without it
The Poop Pack. Never leave home without it
^^^ Also, don’t have your cell phone in your back pocket. You may end up with shitty service no matter how many bars it shows.
Why not replace the seat on your treestand with a padded toilet seat (painted in an appropriate camo pattern of course). This seat would do double doody...er, duty. Then rig up a way to hang a bag underneath, and you're good to go! (Pun intended) ;-)
