"Humanity Unwrapped ??
The past couple of days I have been reflecting after the whirlwind of activities of the holiday season have come and gone. Another Thanksgiving and Christmas is in the books. I was talking to a good friend of mine and told her as I’ve gotten older it seems that Christmas just comes and goes and this year it felt hard for me to feel that it was any different than another day of the year. Was it because I am an aging adult? Was it because this was the first Christmas without our beloved father and papa? Was it because our son is nearly a teenager and it gets harder and harder to “surprise” him every year? Was it because I secretly stress every holiday and get together due to the fact (daughter) is easily overstimulated and tends to get upset more easily and refuses to eat or drink because of it? And then I said it. I said it out loud for the very first time.
I told my friend…you know I think it is because we don’t get to experience a Christmas morning (or birthdays) with (daughter) like we had once imagined for her. We don’t get to experience her excitement. We don’t get to hear the sounds of little her feet pitter-pattering to the tree to the big pile of presents. We don’t get to watch her tear into her gifts and squeal with joy when she finds out she received just what she wanted…...or watch her be more interested in the paper and the boxes the gift was wrapped in.
As I watch my son open all of his gifts and then having to open his baby sisters I find myself mourning yet another loss of something I envisioned myself experiencing with my only daughter. There my daughter sits, next to her brother and her dog playing with her favorite little alligator amongst all the chaos as content as can be.
The attempt at gaining her attention. The lump rising in my throat. The sweat starting to bead up on my forehead. The tears I am fighting back. All the feelings.
Thank goodness those feelings don’t last long. I mean I just cannot say that it doesn’t warm my heart...because it absolutely does. There is something so pure about the simplicity and the joy that one little alligator brings her.
It also shows me that there is something that I can learn from her. Remembrance of the fact that it’s the little things in life that make life big! The real reason we are celebrating is because of the birth of Jesus. Finding comfort in Christ and his plan. Thanking him for blessing me with the opportunity and entrusting me with her care.
I will say that we got to experience our very first Christmas in our home just us... family of 4 + 1 dog. We continued my mom’s tradition of opening gifts around the tree with Christmas music in the background. My heart is full. I am thankful.
Mostly what I came here to say is...My heart goes out to all of the special parents during these moments of humanity. I want you to know that I SEE YOU. I FEEL YOU. I am WITH YOU. I AM YOU!
Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season and a happy new year."