HA/KS's Link
My second favorite answer was from a student who said "a dinosaur, because I'd like to eat one."
HA/KS's Link
"Inside the Story of How H-E-B Planned for the Pandemic The grocer started communicating with Chinese counterparts in January and was running tabletop simulations a few weeks later. (But nothing prepared it for the rush on toilet paper.)"
She made three loaves and I took these two to the small care home where my mom is. There are only 5 residents so two loaves allowed all residents as well as the caregiver to have fresh bread. It was still warm from the oven when I delivered it just at lunch time. All senior care centers in Kansas have been locked down for all visitors for a couple of weeks now so we can't visit mom.
I plead the 5th on where the third loaf went.
She enlisted right out of high school and spent 8 years in the Army Reserves reaching the rank of Master Sergeant. She spent a year in Kuwait and won various marksmanship awards. All of this was before I knew her and she doesn't talk much about it so I'm short on details. She always works hard and I bet her students do too.
Here are some of my thoughts/feelings after my first week of teaching online in no particular order...
1. I'm exhausted - this is mentally draining for me
2. I do not like teaching like this
3. It's even harder to keep tabs on 88 kids' when you can't see them in person
4. This is hard being away from the students and staff
5. I'm learning a lot about new websites
6. I feel like a first year teacher again with 5 preps
7. I love that the students are excited to receive an assignment from me - a math teacher...
8. You have to be really organized - students and teachers
9. I get to eat meals with my family everyday!
10. My eyes are tired of looking at a computer screen.
11. Everyday is a jean day!!!
12. I still love being a teacher and my job.
13. I miss my students, but I enjoy getting little messages from them daily.
14. I miss my teaching friends.
15. I don't feel like I am adequate, but I know I am.
To all the teachers out there who just survived their first week as an online teacher - you are awesome! To all the parents who now have a different role in your child's education - hang in there - you are important and can do this! We can do this!
I'm proud of the students and how they have stepped up to the challenge with mostly positive attitudes. Keep up the good work everyone!
Debbie makes nice looking bread.
One of his brothers was murdered by a fellow soldier while in the Army and his other brother is the one I have shared here who won the Navy Cross.
His dad taught math in the room next to mine for many years.
This is the second former student who became a police officer and succumbed to cancer.
"Steamboat Springs Police Detective Sergeant Jeff Wilson lost his long battle with cancer Friday. Our hearts are with his family, his fellow officers in the police department and all who were fortunate to have had Jeff in their lives.
This evening, take a moment to remember individuals like Sergeant Wilson, who give selflessly to our community to make it a better and more positive place for all of us."
I have so far been unable to determine what a "speckled snipe" is.
Annony Mouse's Link
"Three journalists walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it."
Another: "What's 5 miles long and has an IQ of 30?" "A JOURNALIST PARADE!"
And, "Three journalists walk into bar and say 'ouch' – then write stories about how the bar is racist and phobic."
But Dr Evil suggested, "How does a journalist change a light bulb? He holds while the whole world revolves around him."
And Twitchy's pick for the winner: "What are the best four years of a journalist's life? Third grade."
Another is, "Why are there only 2 pallbearers at a 'journalist's funeral?" "Garbage cans only have two handles."
And, "How do you make a journalist's eyes light up?" "Shine a flashlight in his ear."
"What do you call 25 skydiving journalists?" "Skeet."
"How do you get a one-armed journalist out of a tree?" "Wave to them."
"What's the difference between a smart journalist and Bigfoot?" "Bigfoot has been spotted."
"Why can't a 'journalist' dial 911?" "She can't find the eleven."
"What do you do if a journalist throws a grenade at you?" "Pick it up, pull the pin out, and throw it back."
"What's the different between God and a journalist?" "God doesn't think he's a journalist."
HA/KS's Link
Rumors are that NY is offering up to $14,000/wk. Nurses tell me that they have applied but cannot get a call back because their license is good in many states but not NY or IL.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived. Breathe here...
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
And that's when he shot her.
Twas late in ‘19 when the virus began Bringing chaos and fear to all people, each land.
People were sick, hospitals full, Doctors overwhelmed, no one in school.
As winter gave way to the promise of spring, The virus raged on, touching peasant and king.
People hid in their homes from the enemy unseen. They YouTubed and Zoomed, social-distanced, and cleaned.
April approached and churches were closed. “There won’t be an Easter,” the world supposed.
“There won’t be church services, and egg hunts are out. No reason for new dresses when we can’t go about.”
Holy Week started, as bleak as the rest. The world was focused on masks and on tests.
“Easter can’t happen this year,” it proclaimed. “Online and at home, it just won’t be the same.”
Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, the days came and went. The virus pressed on; it just would not relent.
The world woke Sunday and nothing had changed. The virus still menaced, the people, estranged.
“Pooh pooh to the saints,” the world was grumbling. “They’re finding out now that no Easter is coming.
“They’re just waking up! We know just what they’ll do! Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, And then all the saints will all cry boo-hoo.
“That noise,” said the world, “will be something to hear.” So it paused and the world put a hand to its ear.
And it did hear a sound coming through all the skies. It started down low, then it started to rise.
But the sound wasn’t depressed. Why, this sound was triumphant! It couldn’t be so! But it grew with abundance!
The world stared around, popping its eyes. Then it shook! What it saw was a shocking surprise!
Every saint in every nation, the tall and the small, Was celebrating Jesus in spite of it all!
It hadn’t stopped Easter from coming! It came! Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the world with its life quite stuck in quarantine Stood puzzling and puzzling. “Just how can it be?”
“It came without bonnets, it came without bunnies, It came without egg hunts, cantatas, or money.”
Then the world thought of something it hadn’t before. “Maybe Easter,” it thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Easter, perhaps, means a little bit more.”
And what happened then? Well....the story’s not done. What will YOU do? Will you share with that one
Or two or more people needing hope in this night? Will you share the source of your life in this fight?
The churches are empty - but so is the tomb, And Jesus is victor over death, doom, and gloom.
So this year at Easter, let this be our prayer, As the virus still rages all around, everywhere.
May the world see hope when it looks at God’s people. May the world see the church is not a building or steeple. May the world find Faith in Jesus’ death and resurrection, May the world find Joy in a time of dejection.
May 2020 be known as the year of survival, But not only that - Let it start a revival.
https://www.thissideofheavenblog.com/blog/how-the-virus-stole-easter
Happy Easter!
I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing...
2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers…
This virus has done what no woman had been able to do…cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!!!
Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!
Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend? Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.
Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions.
I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?”
When this is over…what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA?
Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
American cattlemen are in trouble. The price they get for live cattle has gone down around 40% in just a few weeks while the retail price of beef has continued to climb.
Cattlemen are losing hundreds per head and the packers are making several hundred per head (around $600 last I knew).
This can't go on much longer or America will lose a good share of beef producers and they will never come back.
.
Please remember to put pants on before leaving the house to check your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.
SGN
A group of Covid healthcare workers gets to go to Red Sox stadium. The respiratory therapist asks "Why aren't they telling people about all of the patients who are getting off of respirators?"
AT&T three free months of service for health care workers.
Who'd have known? Thanks for the reminder! ;-)
First answer : "Not really it will have happened 365 times this year"
My answer "366 - it is leap year"
Mike...the CF will not return. Alternative is in progress...sort of.
As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world ”
I am entering" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how did you do? ”
"First Place" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world. ”
"I'm entering" says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out? ”
“First Place" answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?
Pinocchio says "This is mine. ”
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked
“Who the hell is Adam Schiff?”
When we had he 4 day school week in Colorado, the farm families loved it.
Better than a "poke in the eye with a sharp stick!"
